


A New Life

by RayOfSunshindBoy



Series: Old Embarrassing Works That Shouldn't Exist [1]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Anya being bisexual because I can, Birth, Don't worry, Ethan being a sweetie, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lesbians, M/M, Mentions of miscariages, Mpreg, No Haters please, Non Explicit Birth Scene, Non-Explicit Sex, Pregnancy, Slash a roni, Super crack!fic, The het is only for a while, abusive childhood, man love, non graphic sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 22:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 50,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8345509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayOfSunshindBoy/pseuds/RayOfSunshindBoy
Summary: Wesley gets knocked up from a one-night stand. Kidnappings, baby showers, and shameful crack ensue.Warning, this is a work in progress. The way it is right now is kind of crappy, sorry about that. I like to think my writing is improving, but this fic started out shakily. I'll be going back and fixing that after I'm done, thank you for your time.





	1. Month One: Observations

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as cracky, fluffy nonsense. I swear it did. Is it still that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wes gets poked and prodded by the doc, who has some interesting observations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything. 
> 
> This is, so far, unfinished. I am just doing the rough draft first, then I will flesh it out and fix mistakes. Thank you for being patient. And, if anyone is interested, there IS going to be more to this 'verse. As you will notice, in my version Wesley and Cordelia were never a thing. They were buds and that's it. Yay! If anybody like this at all, please, please please comment! But no flames!

Wesley waited nervously. He'd come to the doctor a week ago because he had been being sick several times a day. He didn't think it was mystical, but if the doctor turned up nothing then he would research it.

He jiggled his leg impatiently. He wished the doctor would hurry up. He had been called an hour previously, and told that his test results had come in. 

The door opened and Wesley stood up. The doctor looked a bit nervous. That couldn't be good.

"Come this way", he said, ushering him down the hallway. 

"Is everything all right?"

"That depends on how you look at it." that certainly wasn't good.

When inside the examination room, Doctor Handson had him lie down. Then proceeded to ask him questions.

"Were you a woman before?"

_"Exuse me?"_

"Mr Wyndam-Pryce, I need to know."

"No. I assure you-"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Then...hmm. All right, I'm going to have to examine you. I think I know how..."

"How what?"

"Just lie back."

 

 

After examining him (translation: poking and prodding) the doctor told him to get dressed again.

The doctor seemed to have to steel himself before talking. "Mr Wyndam-Pryce...have you ever heard of intersexuals?"

"I believe so. It's a condition where a person has both female and male sexual organs, correct?"

"Yes...um, Mr Wyndam-Pryce, you seem to be both pregnant and intersex."

 

"WHAT?!"

 

 

Wesley looked at himself in the mirror. He still couldn't believe it.

He was at his flat, though he could barely remember driving. He just...couldn't think.

 

He was pregnant. There was another life, held inside his own

The thought terrified him. How could he care for another life? Let alone something so tiny and helpless? 

And why the hell hadn't he known about his 'condition' before?

He bit his lip. He wondered if he should try to track down the bloke from last week. God, how could he, though? 'Sorry to bother you, man I don't even remember the name of, but when we had that one night stand you knocked me up. Congratulations!' No, that wasn't a viable option. But what could he do?

Gunn.

Gunn was his best friend. What would he think? Hell, what would he  _do?_ But Wesley couldn't even try to keep a secret this big.

He knew that he could always get an abortion

No. No no no, that was not an option. This baby didn't ask to be brought into the world, especially by a scew-up like Wesley. He had an obligation to this baby, now. 

Back to Gunn...he could just tell him. Their friendship was built around honesty. Not telling him...that was a big secret to keep. No, not telling him wasn't an option. 

Wesley sighed, walking to his bedroom, taking off his clothes as he went. He would just have to tell him, and probably Angel and Cordelia. 

He slipped under the covers, feeling a little better that he'd worked out a sort of plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, telling the Fang Gang!


	2. Month One: Relevations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley tells Angel, then thinks over his situation. He makes some decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own!  
> Hope you like!

Angel was talking to a client when Wesley called him.

He took the money and showed the lady out, who was extreamly satisfied that her demon ex-husband was dead, and her neice was safe. 

"Angel Investigations, we help the-Wes. Yeah, sureI'll come over. Uh, I've never been to-okay, let me write that down."

"That's four, right? Okay."

Angel put the phone down and put the money on the desk absentmindedly. Wes sounded a bit upset.

 

 

Wesley paced the floor worridly. He had no idea what to tell Angel. God, this was hard. He'd never appreciated how hard it must be for women.  
He jumped when Angel knocked. He put a hand to his heart, where it was thumping loud enough for the neighbors to hear it.

He opened the door. "Come in, Angel." he tried to smile and failed.

Angel walked in, looking around. "Nice place. I'm just gonna cut to the chase and ask if you're okay?"

Wesley managed a sickly smile. "Um." he sighed and sat down on his couch. He waved his hand at the spot next to him, as an invitation to sit. Angel opted instead to sit at his feet.

"Wesley, are you okay?"

He sighed. "Last week...I...had a one night stand. I was drunk, and somebody picked me up. They didn't take advantage, but we...had...we slept together. Um...we weren't safe. And you know what they warn you about. About not being safe."

"Oh, Wes", Angel winced. "You got a girl pregnant?"

"No", he said weakly. "But, um...somebody got pregnant."

Angel was looking confused. Perfect. "Have you ever heard of intersexual?"

"Is that the same as bisexual?"

Angel really was ignorant.

"No. It's a person with both female and male sexual organs. Umm...it turns out..."

"Oh my god. You're..."

"Yes."

"Intersex?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Uh, does that mean..."

"I'm pregnant. I don't really know how, if I have a womb, if I'll be able to feed it properly...but I am. Uh, this morning, before I called you, I actually bought home pregnancy tests. They all turned out positive except for one that was broken..."

"Wow. This...wow. Are you sure..."

"That it's not something demonic? Pretty sure."

"Wow.", Angel grinned. "You're having a baby!"

Wesley smiled, a real one this time. "I am."

 

Cordelia was washing dishes when the vision hit.

If it hasn't been for Angel she would have bonked her head and probably gotten a concussion. Giles was Cuncussion Guy back in Sunnydale, when had she taken his place? Ugh.

She saw three big, ugly demons attacking a dog tied up in its yard. They were brown with green spikes on their arms. Angel left to get Gunn and kill the demons.

She wondered why he was only getting Gunn and not Wesley. She'd mentioned it, but Angel just got that 'it's not my place to tell' look. Cordelia being Cordelia, she was intergued. 

She wondered if Wesley was okay. Maybe she should call? If he wasn't doing anything they could hang out. She missed hanging out with Wes. Back in Sunnydale, they'd had dinner together, talked. 

She had seen, first hand, that he was a good guy. She had been interested back then, and had made her interest known.

But it turned out that Wesley was gayer than a striped beachball. So, they had become 'best friends'. She hadn't hung out with him much lately, mostly because of work. 

She nodded. Calling him was a definite yes.

 

*

Wesley sighed.

This, to borrow an American term, sucked.

Rather a lot.

He was lying on his couch, staring at the ceiling. Should he call his parents and tell them?

He had no idea what they would think about this situation. If they would outright disown him, grudgingly offer him advior, or...hell with it.

They didn't need to know that he was...pregnant. His Father would never be the parent that he should have been, and his mother was too busy pretending that nothing was wrong. 

She never had protected him. Not from the hell that his childhood had been, not from the beatings, not from the constant fear that plagued him even now in small spaces.

She knew. He knew that she knew. She had heard his frightened cries, the cries of a two year old locked in the dark for no reason other than spite. She had seen the blood on his back from the whip, the fearful eyes, the flinching whenever he was touched. She had heard, also, the scolding and insults. Seen the way that Roger would push him down if he dared to cry or talk back.

No, he wouldn't tell her.

Not his Father, either. Wesley sighed and rolled over, curling up on the couch. He could take the insults. The scolding, for working with a vampire. But he didn't think he could take his father bullying him into getting an abortion. 

No. He had an obligation to this child. It wasn't really a child yet, however, it would be. He thought of that, smiling a little. Thinking of the little boy or girl growing up with him, hugging him, being read stories. Being loved and cared for in a way that he'd never been. 

He nodded. Any child that he'd have would be loved. Unconditionally, unquestionably. If there was one thing that Wesley Wyndam-Pryce could do well, as he could few things, it was love. That was his only strength, and often times his worst weakness. He loved people so much, almost smothering them with it, needing to shower pent-up affection on them. 

Nobody ever let him. His mother didn't, and he snorted a little, imagining her reaction if he'd ever tried to hug her. His father didn't, certainly.

He let his hand slip down to his abdomen. Well, here was his chance. To love somebody who would also love him. To care for and educate and inspire. Somebody who couldn't turn him away, disown him. He could teach this child everything he knew in the way he wished, now, that his father had, slowly and gently. Praising him when he got something right, gentle corrections when he did not. And he'd wait, before he taught this child about the things that hid in the dark, the things that hurt children and adults and boys and girls. Wait until he or she was old enough to comprehend.

And this child would  _never_ be alone in the dark.

 

*

"Hello? Oh, Cordelia. Yes, that would-all right. You know where-all right. Thank-"

Wesley stared at the phone in his hand. "That was odd."

He looked around at his flat and sighed.

He should clean before she here. There were video games cluttering the floor, one of Gunn's sweatshirts that he'd left, his own clothing, mostly socks thrown around.

As he started to clean he mused on whether or not to tell her. Angel, a vampire with a soul cursed on him by Gypsies, had taken it very well. But how would Cordelia, who was mostly a normal, human girl take the fact that her friend (her  _male_ friend) was pregnant? 

He decided to wait until she got to his flat. For now...

He looked around, then took the armfull of socks to his room. He should focus on cleaning.

*

Ten minutes later, he looked around at his mostly clean apartment. This was probably as clean as it would get.

As if in sync with thoughts, somebody knocked on his door.

He opened it and said "Cordelia, hello-"

And gazed in shock at Charles Gunn.


	3. Month One: Relevations, Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley has a surprise visitor. Will he spill his secret to his closest friend, or try to hide it? Well, knowing Wes...

Gunn held up a bag of chips and a copy of Rumble Roses. "Post demon-slayn' bonding?"

Wesley grinned and opened the door wider, stepping aside to let him in. "You left your sweater here last time. Is it post demon-slaying bonding if you were the only one there? Why was that, actually?"

"I don't know. These were your hack 'an slash type of demons. Not so much the-did you wash this?", he said in shock, looking at the red sweatshirt. He remembered getting a big stain on the front, from the last time he and Wes had drank beer together. It was completely gone now.

"Um...yes. It, it was here, and...I was doing laundry...", Wesley said in embarassment. Gunn smiled and looked up at his friend. 

"Thanks, English."

Wesley smiled back and looked at the video game in his hand. "I've never, uh, played that one." 

Gunn grinned. "You'll love it. C'mon."

 

*

 

Wesley shook his head. "A rather odd game."

Gunn laughed. "Soul Caliber is a weird game. This is really hot girls beating each other up. It's fun."

"Oh, I'm not denying that. It's very...appealing. Er, Charles?", Wesley asked softly.

"Yeah? Hey, Wes, you know what?", he asked with a drunken grin.

"What?"

"You're my best friend."

Wesley looked at him and smiled. Gunn was so out of it that he just grinned wider and put an arm around his boy. "I love you, Wes.", he mumbled.

Then he was asleep. 

*

The evening had been...fun.

They had played Rumble Roses, which turned out to be a wrestling game. They had played those before.

Usually, this was about the time where they would get drunk. Wesley, though, had the commen sense to realize that that would be a very bad idea.

So, he had pretended to drink, and deposited the bottles behind the couch. He didn't want to lie to Charles, but didn't know how to give an adequate reason behind not drinking, besides blurting out "I'm pregnant." Which, it turned out, was extreamly hard not to do.

He wondered where Cordelia was. She had said that she was coming over, then said "Sorry, I'm gonna be-" and then she was cut off. He thought about asking Charles, but he was intoxicated. 

He would have been worried, before he had known what Charles was like drunk. Affectionate, happy, and...cuddly.

One of his guilty pleasures was snuggling with his friend. They never mentioned it sober, or mentioned the fact that, a couple times, Wesley had sat on Gunn's lap while playing Soul Caliber.

It was...something unspoken. Something that they shared that let the two men unwind in each other's presence. In a way that Wesley would never allow himself to relax in front of anybody else.

Right now, he was in bed, staring at the wall. Charles was out on the couch, deeply asleep.

He'd lain his head Wesley's shoulder and told him "I love you."

What did that mean?

Did he mean that he loved Wesley in a familial way? Like a brother? Or that he...

Wesley had thought about that, a few times. Kissing Charles. But he knew that the other man was so far out of his reach...after being lovesick for a few days, he decided to go out and get a bloody boyfriend for God's sakes. Wesley couldn't wait around forever and hope for Charles to fall for him. That was what Sunnydale Wesley would have done, Watcher Wesley. Poncy Wesley. This Wesley went out and got a damn fine shag, then decided to meet somebody special. Somebody to love, who would love him in return.

And of course, as a result of that damn fine shag, he'd gotten knocked up.

He then realized, unconsciously rubbing his stomach, that he  _had_ found what he was looking for. 

So, his mind prodded him, tell Cordelia and Gunn about it you stupid wanker. 

He smiled, turning over, cradling his abdomen. And slept.

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Month One: Relevations, Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley tells all. Light angsting, 'cause it's Wes, and cuddles.

"Cordelia!", Wesley exclaimed as he opened the door. And this time it was really her.

Cordelia blinked. "Hi, Wes." she appeared somewhat startled.

Oh. He was half-naked. "Um, sorry. I didn't really have the time to get dressed. Come in." he stepped aside.

Cordelia stepped in, then smacked his arm. "What if I had been a vampire? Never invite somebody in! Even if you know them."

"That's a little too paranoid. Even for you, Cordy." he went into the kitchen, beckoning for her to follow. He would have gone to the couch, but he had checked before he opened the door and Gunn was still sleeping.

"So, sorry I didn't cone over last night. I had somebody-something come up."

He raised an eyebrow, noting her cover-up. "A date?"

"Yes. Date. With a guy." she nodded.

All right...Cordelia was obviously uncomfortable about something. "Cordelia...you do know that you can tell me anything, don't you? And I won't judge you?", he said quietly. 

Cordelia sighed. "Yeah. I know. But this is...I don't know if I'm ready to tell anybody, yet, okay? I have to..."

"All right." he turned and pressed the button on the coffee pot. "But if you feel that you do need to tell somebody, Cordelia...I'm here."

"I know.", she said softly. "Thanks."

He turned and smiled. "Actually, there's something that I would like to tell you as well. I, er, I've already told Angel..."

"What! You told Angel before me?", she cried indignantly. 

"Cordelia, shhh!", he whispered. If they were too loud, they would wake up Charles, who needed his sleep after last night...

"What? I'm gonna wake up the neighbors? It's 9:00, all the sensible people are awake by now. I can't believe you told Angel before you told me! Oh, is it a magic problem? Or, oh, something to do with Buffy?"

"Cordelia..." it was too late. Oh, god. He could hear Gunn yawning. 

Cordelia apparently couldn't. "Okay, what is it? Sorry that I was so freakout, I just can't believe you told Angel before me. Wes, are you okay?"

He could hear Gunn shuffling into the kitchen...there he was. Oh.

Wesley almost started drooling. Gunn was in his jeans from the night before, and had no shirt. He was carrying his red sweatshirt in his hand. 

"Sorry that we woke you.", he managed to say.

Gunn smiled sleepily. "That's okay. Oh, is that coffee? Please, lord, let that be coffee."

Cordelia looked almost comical. She had her eyes almost bulging out of her head, her mouth open, and was blinking rapidly. She looked from Wesley to Gunn to Wesley to Gunn and back again. "Oh my god", she mumbled.

"Mmm, coffee. Hey, English, thanks for letting me stay here again."

Wesley smiled weakly.

This already wasn't going well.

*

Oh. My. God.

Wesley and Gunn. How in Hell did she not see this coming? It was all written right there, in the touches, the handshake, the nicknames...

Gunn yawned into his coffee cup and smiled blearily at Wes. Who. Smiled. Back.

Wesley, who, when Gunn turned around was. Checking. Out. His. Ass.

For real. He seemed to forget that she was there, and leaned forward just a little, staring at Gunn's ass and. Licking. His. Lips.

He stood there with a blatantly hungry expression on his face. Watching Gunn, now with a little smile. Not a I'm-thinking-naughty-things smile, but a loving one. 

Yup. Oh, this was one mother of a secret.

As soon as Gunn stumbled off, Cordelia turned to Wesley as said "Why did you tell Angel about you and Gunn first?"

 

*

"Cordy, you already knew that we were friends."

"You're sleeping together. I think that's a little more than 'friends'!'"

"What? We're not-"

"Oh, Come on. You're a single, gay man, and you and Gunn are all with the touchy-touchy, and I'm not supposed to think-"

"Cordelia, I'm not having sex with Gunn."

She looked surprised. "Okay. But you're all 'I've got something to tell you', and then Gunn walks in practically naked, and you're drooling over him, and he's all with the 'kiss me, English boy' eyes, what am I supposed to think?"

*

Cordelia and Gunn sat on the couch, waiting for him to begin.

Wesley was pacing the floor, thinking about  _how_ to begin. He stopped and sighed. Be blunt, he thought. There's no way you can break this to them gently.

He could do it in sections, however. "I'm gay."

Gunn sputtered and Cordelia nodded. "I know."

"You  _knew?!",_ he asked increduously, turning to Cordelia with an expression of shock.

"Well, back in Sunnydale, he told me. I noticed a distinct bit of staring at Giles' ass. Did that ever go anywhere?"

Wesley shook his head sadly. He'd been half in love with Rupert Giles, and the man detested him. He had constantly tried to prove himself, but, ultimatly, he was doing it all wrong. 

"Wha-wh- Wes?"

He sighed, turned, and sat down on the couch beside Gunn. "There is something I feel that you two should know. It's...god, this is hard to say. Hard to tell anybody, my brain is going a thousand different directions at once. I'm pregnant."

*

Gunn stroked Wesley's hair.

An hour ago, Wesley had finished his explanation. It was damn weird. 

He'd known that intersexual people  _existed._ Knew a bit about them. But he'd never, ever in his damn life figured English to be one.

English, who was all skin and bones and big blue eyes. Damn pretty, really. Soft brown hair.He loved him, a little. Fine, a lot. Wesley was an awesome video game player, crack shot, knew just about everything there was to know about demons, and was the sweetest damn guy ever born.

And was pregnant?

That definatly didn't fit in with Gunn's worldview. Or his view of Wes, or his view of anything. But he swore up and down that this was biological, not magical or mystical.

And, apparently Angel  _already knew. Bastard._

So, after Cordelia left, after squealing about "Wesley's gonna have a baby!" they needed to talk.

And his body apparently thought that they needed to snuggle to get that done.

So, after a few minutes of awkward silence, Gunn reached out and started stroking his hair. Wesley unconsciously leaned into the touch. 

Then realized what he was doing and started to pull back. Gunn reached his arm around English and slipped an arm around his waist. "This okay?"

Wesley obviously thought,  _f*ck it,_ and leaned into Gunn. "Very."

They stayed like that for a while, before Gunn said "So. You're pregnant."

"Yes."

"It's not...Angel's, is it?"

Wesley snorted. "No. Certainly not. I can't remember his name."

"Knocked up from a one-night stand? You?", he asked, laughing a little.

"Yes, actually. It was a damn fine one-night stand." Wesley looked at him as if daring him to argue. Which he couldn't, because he hadn't been there.

"So...this guy knocked you up."

"We've been over this, Charles. Several times."

"I just can't get over the idea that you're  _pregnant._ You gonna be craving weird foods and havin' mood swings?"

Wesley winced. "Probably. I'm not looking forward to that part of it."

"What part of it are you looking forward to? It always seemed like, besides the throwing up it's just a whole bunch of waiting." 

"Never being alone, for ten whole months", Wes said, looking to the side. "Knowing that there is something that will be there as long as I take care of it. That won't feel smothered."

Hell. "English, you know that I'm here, right? I'm not gonna abandon you?"

"Everybody does, sooner or later", came the mumbled reply that he probably wasn't supposed to hear.

"Baby, look at me." Wes looked at him, startled. "I'm not gonna leave. Not ever. Promise."

He smiled, but Gunn could tell that he didn't believe it. 

Well, he'd just have to prove the skinny, English sweetheart wrong.

 

*

 

Since it was Saturday, they didn't go to work and just played video games and ate things that probably were very bad for them.

Wesley realized that he'd have to watch that.

Gunn had decided to go off drinking, too. "It's partly for support, partly because I'm not gonna be drunk around a pregnant guy. That's just asking for trouble." Wesley had seen the truth in that, but privately mourned the loss of snuggling with Gunn. 

No snuggling for ten months. Ugh.

 

 

"Do you want to stay over again?"

Gunn nodded. "Actually...well, I've been thinking about this, and if it's a stupid idea then tell me. Can I stay here until the kid is...born and you're back on your feet? I just think that you should have somebody there. Because with all the demons roaming around...it's just safer." he looked at Wesley like he was bracing himself for a ' No.'

He remembered the drunken, honest smile. "I love you", he'd said.

Dear lord, I think I'm falling for him. "Yes."

 

Wesley got changed in the bathroom. When he came out, he yawned and climbed into bed. 

When he rolled over, he was startled to find Charles there.

Ultimatly, he was much too tired to protest. So, he pushed his face into Charles' chest, and put his arms around his waist. 

He eventually slept, dimly aware as he drifted off, of Charles' arms around him, and a soft kiss pressed into his hair.


	5. Month One: Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning sickness, the inevitable cuddling, and Gunn being a sweetheart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got my first two kudos! Thank you very much, I am so happy that somebody read this and appreciated it! I just want to reitarate, though, this is under construction. I am just working out how I want this to go, and I will flesh it out afterwards. I will definatly let everyone know when it's all done, thank you for your patience.

Wesley woke up very warm.

He opened his eyes and blinked. Everything was blurry. He could hardly see a thing...oh. Glasses.

He tried to move, and found himself wrapped up in a pair of strong arms.

What had happened last night? He certainly wasn't used to waking up with somebody else. The few one-night stands he'd indulged in always left by morning. And certainly never stayed to...snuggle.

Wesley noticed for the first time that he felt like he was going to be sick. The doctor had warned him about this, he vaguely remembered. Morning sickness. 

He struggled to get out of whoever's arms held him there, which only wrapped around him tighter. "If you don't let me up, you're not going to like the conscquences", he warned, not knowing if the person even heard him. They evidently did hear something, however, as the hold around him loosened imediently. 

Wesley ran as fast as he could to the small bathroom, trying to hold it in and tripping over himself as he ran.

He finally made it to the bathroom and lunged inside. 

Throwing up had never been pleasant. Even less so when he was aware that it would be happening again. Probably every morning.

He'd been sick like this most of this week, mostly in the mornings, and, as Cordelia would say, it sucked. As he gasped afterwards, hating this  _so_ very much, he felt a warm hand on his back, and as much as this experience left something to be disired, it soothed him.

He went on being violently sick for at least 20 more minutes. Through it all, whoever was there kept rubbing his back. Wesley felt guilty for not knowing who it was, and wondered why they were there at all. Who they were.

After Wesley was sure that he had stopped, the person left. He felt guilty for feeling disappointed at that. Whoever this was had no obligation to him, and certainly didn't need to be here at all. It was lucky that they hadn't just called Poison Control.

Then the person said, "Damn. I knew you were probably gonna be upchucking, but I sure didn't expect this." he felt a hand on his shoulder, gently easing him up.

He smiled. "Gunn?"

 

*

 

He grinned. "Hey." Gunn set about cleaning Wesley up. He vaguely, just vaguely remembered his mother when she was pregnant with Allona. She'd wake up like this, too. Sometimes so sick that she could hardly move. 

Wes stood there looking embarrassed. Gunn fought the urge to roll his eyes. He was just so damned English right now. Not the way he got when he was lecturing people, so damn prissy and proper. Just embarrassed and vulnarable. Lost. Looking like he was glad Gunn was here, but thinking he probably didn't deserve the help. 

You do, stupid, Gunn wanted to say. Stop looking guilty.

After he was done, he gently took Wes' hand and led him back to bed. Tucked him in like he was a little kid. All that time Wes looked at him, half-adoring, half-gulity...

_Hold up. Half-WHAT?_

Gunn felt like doing a little dance as he smoothed the sheets. Yes, indeed, Wesley was looking at him with a soft, almost loving look. Oh, hell YEAH!

*

Wesley's morning was going much better than he had thought it would. 

For starters, Gunn had been there. That could brighten his worst day. Then, Gunn had comforted Wesley through his morning sickness and helped him back to bed. Something that he was actually quite embarrassed about, but it was very nice to have somebody care. 

He had eventually remembered Gunn wanting to stay with him. He wondered, now that he wasn't so tired that he couldn't think, why Gunn had opted to sleep in  _his_ bed rather than on the couch. Perhaps he felt more comfortable on the bed, and...yes. That made sense. Wesley had simply climbed in with him, and then woke up with morning sickness. Gunn, being a good friend, simply had wanted to help. He shouldn't have made him feel obligated. 

Perhaps he should sleep on the couch tonight. 

The thoughts were driven from his mind by Gunn saying "You need anything? Breakfast? You think you can hold some food down?"

"Oh, I can-", he started to say, trying to get up. 

"Wes, I just spent twenty minutes watching you barf your guts out. Lie down. Do you want tea? I think I can make tea.I'll make you some tea.  _And for gods sake,_ stay lying down."

Wesley stayed meekly.

And stayed that way for the ten minutes it took Gunn to make tea.

He came into the room with a steaming mug, saying "I don't know if this will be any good..."

Wesley smiled and reached for it. "No, it's hot. It'll burn you." and Gunn proceeded to...

Hold the mug while telling Wesley to sip.

"Charles, I'm not two."

"No. But I don't want you to get burned. Sip."

He sipped. It was mint, and tasted all right. He looked up at Gunn, who had the soppiest look in the world on his face.

He started, and the hot tea spilled onto the blankets. "Oh, sorry!"

"No it's okay, it's okay. Here, I'll get a towel."

 

*

They ended up having to change the sheets. Poor Wes. Damn it, Gunn should have just let him hold the cup. But he really hadn't wanted Wes to get burned, and those long delicate fingers were just so fragile looking...

It was a cup of tea. Wes drank that shit all the time. He should have just let him have the cup.

But he'd looked so sweet, drinking out of the cup in Gunn's hands. So...cute.

Once the sheets were felt with, Gunn herded him back into bed. "Charles, I'm pregnant, not sick."

"I just wanna snuggle." He stopped. "I did  _not_ just say that sentence out loud."

Wesley blushed deep red. "I wouldn't mind, if..."

Gunn grinned. "Really?"

Wesley shifted, making room. He looked up at Gunn, hopefully. 

He didn't need to be asked twice. Gunn peeled the blankets back and lay down, wrapping an arm around the Englishman. Pulled him close.

"This is incredibly odd."

Gunn grinned. "Yes it is."

*

Cordelia burst into Angel's room, panting like she'd just run a marathon.

"Cordelia? What are you doing-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you...what?"

She marched across the room, hands on her hips. "That Wesley's pregnant! Why didn't you tell me?! I think I have the right to know!"

"Cordelia, Wes wanted to tell you himself. Besides..."

"When did you find out?"

"Uh"

"Did you to the hospital with him? Well, actually, unless you went at night, you probably couldn't..."

"He told me after."

"He didn't tell you that he suspected? Or, wait, did you  _convince_ him to go?"

"Why are you-"

"Well, you're the father, right?"

" _No!"_


	6. Month One: Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunn thinks. Wesley thinks. Stupid Wesley cuts himself and Gunn kisses it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much just filler. And fluff.
> 
> I want to thank everybody who has read this! Thank you so much for looking at what I have written, it means a lot to me that people have even glanced at it. And thanks especially to people who have shown their support by leaving kudos!

Wesley smiled in his sleep, turning over.

They had been sleeping like this for the past couple days. They would change in separate rooms, then come to the bedroom and fall asleep snuggled together under the blankets.

Honestly, Gunn couldn't say why they did this. It was partly a comfort thing. Wesley liked to snuggle, Gunn liked to snuggle, and they never talked about it. It was just something too...intimate. He wasn't sure why neither of them brought it up, but he definatly wasn't going to. Not if that meant stopping.

Snuggling Wesley was his guilty pleasure. The man just curled up around him, was so thin that he could wrap around Gunn like a blanket. He snuggled  _close,_ too. Dug in and held on. He nuzzled, sometimes, in his sleep. Mumbled things. Didn't kick, thank lord. Gunn would stay up until he couldn't keep his eyes open, just stroking Wesley's hair and hugging him.

Wesley was far overdue for cuddling, really. He always looked so...like he'd never had a puppy, growing up. Never  _seen_ a puppy. And that wouldn't do. Okay, Gunn hadn't had a puppy, either, but Wes could really use one. Or seven. 

In the meantime, though, snuggling was good. More than good. Wesley seemed to love it, and Gunn didn't think he could live without it, now. He was addicted to it. 

Whenever Cordelia mentioned her childhood, Wesley got this wistfull, sad look. More than enough to tell Gunn that his had been crap. Gunn's hadn't been peaches and cream either, but his mom and dad had loved him. Done the best they could for them. Wesley's parents apparently didn't realize that Wes was a person, too.

When Wes got the sad look, all Gunn wanted to do was take him to a corner, sit English on his lap, and just hug him. He needed it.

*

After the usual bout of morning sickness, which was, as always, extremely unpleasant, Wesley made breakfast. 

Angel had told him, as his friend, to take a few weeks off. They could call if they needed translations done, and were fully capable of research.

He would have hated it, if Gunn hadn't been there. He'd never been comfortable with taking days off. He always looked for some kind of work to do, needing some kind of work to do. With Gunn, however, he could relax. He could rest.

He really should get over this silly crush on the man. It wasn't that Gunn wasn't a very desirable man, he was. But Wesley liked him, truly liked him, and didn't want to have Gunn leave him. As he surely would, if he ever found out how infatuated Wesley was. No, that wasn't the right word. He'd had enough crushes to know, and this was no simple crush. This went deeper.

But he didn't want to alienate his best friend. Charles was always there for him, always simply there. Subtly comforting. With his big brown eyes, strong arms, and the way he smiled that made Wesley melt...

"Ouch!", he cried as the knife he was using slipped. He put his finger in his mouth, wincing. He took it out to look at it and flinched. It hurt quite a lot, and it was bleeding. Damn it. 

"Hey, you okay?", asked Charles, coming out of the bathroom. "I heard you yell."

"I cut myself. It's nothing."

"How bad is it?"

"Fine. I just need a plaster. I'll be fine."

"A what?"

Wesley sighed. "A bandage. I need a bandage."

"Okay." Gunn raced over to the bathroom again to get the medical kit. He fought the sudden urge to giggle.

"Here. Where'd you cut yourself? How bad is it?", Gunn said as he came out. He put the kit on the counter and dug around in it. "How deep is it? Do you need antiseptic?"

"Charles, it's a shallow cut. On my finger."

"Which finger?"

Wesley suddenly realized that the finger he'd cut was the middle one of his left hand. Oops. 

"Wes? I've got the band-aid. Hold out the finger."

Wesley closed his eyes. "Um, give it to me and I'll bandage it." 

"C'mon, just hold it out. I'm not gonna bite you."

"I-I can't."

Gunn's eyes narrowed. "Did you lie to me and cut yourself real deep? God, Wes, what am I gonna do with you? Let me help."

Wesley tried not to blush. "Fine. Fine, but don't take this the wrong way."

He cringed, and held out the finger.

Gunn didn't seem to notice.

He wrapped the hurt finger in the plaster, then gave it a small kiss. "There. All better. Was that so hard?"

As he walked away, he called back, "Those pregnancy hormones are setting in fast."

Wesley stood, silent and in shock.

Gunn had kissed him. Well, technecly, he'd kissed Wesley's finger. Still.

He smiled slowly, probably liking that much, much more than he should. And he didn't feel guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plasters are what they call band-aids in England.


	7. Month One: The Depths Of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia drags our boys into Hell. Well, Wes thinks so. It's a justifiable description.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for your continuing support!  
> Sorry that I've been a little lazy on the updating. I am trying to update at least once a day.

"All right, you win. I said you win! Stop it...Gunn, seriously...aaah! Hehehe...HA! Stop...aaaah!"

Gunn grinned and tickled harder.

Wesley tried to push the larger man off. "Stop...hehe...tickling me!"

"Not until you say what I wanna hear."

"Fine! Fine, get...HA! Get off."

"Not until..."

"Fine. Charles Gunn is the best damn Risk player ever to set foot in this city, much better than some pansy arsed Englishmen."

Gunn got off, laughing now. "You tried to make that sound as British as you could, didn't you?"

Wesley, still gasping a little, said "Yes. Solely to annoy you."

Gunn grinned again. "'C'mere." he helped Wesley to his feet.

Who pouted. "You didn't have to tackle me and start tickling me, just because I wouldn't say that you won."

"I tackled you gently. On the couch. Don't be a baby."

"I am not", Wesley protested. "I was simply pointing out-"

Then Cordelia burst into the door, grabbed both of their hands, and dragged them into the depths of Hell.

*

"No!"

"Don't be such a baby", Cordelia sighed. "It's not that bad."

"I look like an elephant. How is it not bad?"

Gunn disagreed.

Cordelia had told them where they were headed only after she had shoved them into the car and got up to a speed where, if they were to try and escape, they would probably die.

Maternity clothes.

Wesley said that he didn't need them. He was right, he didn't. But Cordelia said that he'd need them eventually. And, apparently, they couldn't wait until he was at that point.

She was of the opinion that people would probably stare less if they got somebody like Willow to put a glamour on him. And that, while under it, he would still need clothing, and that she knew where to get ones that would actually look good.

Wesley countered with "While I am under this glamour, people won't even see what I'm wearing. Why can't I just go up a size? Or...four?"

"Because you'll be taking the glamour  _off_ when you're not in public. So, with me."

She then turned to him and gave him a look that cowed Wesley so much, he didn't say a word until they walked into the store and went to the maternity section.

Hence the argument now.

"You look cute!"

"I don't want to look cute."

Gunn sighed. "Honey, you look fine."

And he got away with that, because they'd glamoured him to look like a girl. Heh.

The three of them couldn't see it, but the whole rest of the store could. The story that Cordelia had cooked up was that Wesley was pregnant with Gunn's baby, and Cordelia was 'her' sister. 

He got to pretend to be Wesley's boyfriend. Yup.

And he was taking full advantage of it.

Wesley shot him a look at the 'honey' comment, and shook his head. "This makes me look like a pink elephant."

"You make a good pink elephant."

Wesley punched him lightly."That's not the point. The point is that I'm going back in there and taking this thing off."

He was dressed in a light pink shirt with ruffles. He clearly hated it.

He was miserable. Not liking this at all. 

So why was Gunn loving it?

*

"No. No, no, I'll do anything...anything...just...don't make me...no...", Wesley whimpered. 

"Come on! It's not that bad. All women do it."

"I'm male." Thank God.

"Let me rephrase that", Cordelia sighed. "Do it or I'll make you do it. And you're guranteed to not like my way."

"Fine. But look away."

"No. I'm standing in the changing room with you."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine." Wesley sighed dramaticly and picked the item up, cringing. He shuddered, then put it on.

"Yes! I think this is it", Cordelia nodded. "Now march your ass out there so Gunn can see it."

"The bloody Hell I will!"

Cordelia pushed him out.

Wesley squeaked, then stood absolutely still as Gunn looked at him.

Then raised his eyes to look at Cordelia, who was poking her head out from around the curtain. "What do you think?"

Gunn looked back. "Well, It's...nice. But a grey T-shirt with pink bubble letters that say "Baby On Board...somehow, I don't think English is gonna let that see the light of day."

"See? Let's put it back."

Cordelia grabbed his shoulder. "Nope. I'm getting that one, and it's going in your closet."

*

"Cordelia, I don't think I need a....what the bloody hell IS this?", 

"It's for breastfeeding."

Wesley stood in the aisle, now shaking. He looked pleadingly at Gunn, who took sympathy on him and shook his head at Cordy. 

"I don't think we need that."

"Fine. Spoil my fun..."

*

"A book? Really?"

"It's a children's book!"

Cordelia shook her head. "You're getting that  _only_ if we get the 'Munchkin' shirt."

Wesley gaped at her. "You...you didn't...put that in the cart?"

"Yeah."

He stared at her, horrified. "I thought that both me and Gunn said no!"

"Yeah, well..."

"Good God, woman!"

"Come on!"

"You're just taking advantage of the fact that Gunn went to the bathroom and isn't here to help me."

"Uh huh.", Cordelia said. She smiled sweetly. "Put your book in the cart."

*

"There!", Cordelia dusted off her hands. "All done."

Wesley sighed, shaking his head. "You do know that it's extremely unlikely that I will wear any of that?"

"Oh, you will", she said cheerily. "Seeing as you don't have any other clothing big enough...you will."

Wesley scowled.

"So...not that it's any of my business..."

"What?"

"Is Gunn the father?"

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

She raised an eyebrow, then sat with him. "Wes. Don't try and hide it. I've seen you checking him out. I've seen you staring at his ass, for God's sake. You think I don't know?"

"Fine. Yes."

"He's the father?!"

" _No._ But I do...like him. Like that.", he mumbled.

"Does he know?"

"God no. If he knew...I don't even want to speculate. It's too painful.", he sighed. 

Cordelia narrowed her eyes. In other words, he was chicken. Well...

She could work with this. Wesley would have a boyfriend by the time the baby was born if it was the last thing she did.

And...if she got to babysit for her good deed...well, that was a bonus.


	8. Month Two: Priceless Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel visits, talks with Gunn, and then they go to Wesley's first (or maybe second?) doctor appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onto Month Two!

Angel knocked on the apartment door quietly, then louder when nothing happened.

Now he was worried. Wesley always answered his door, and was usually awake by 9:00. Or, at work anyway. 

He tested the doorknob, and found it to be locked. Well, at least he knew how to pick a lock. He dug around in his coat pocket until he found a paperclip.

Once inside, he looked around, trying to figure out where Wesley's bedroom would be. He could hear a heartbeat...no,  _three_ heartbeats, coming from a room down the short hall. Well, one was most likely Wesley's. Then, probably the baby's...and some one else. Maybe Wesley had found somebody?

Angel smiled softly. He hoped so. Wesley was a guy who needed plenty of love in his life. He would have Angel's, Gunn's, and Cordelia's support, but people needed to love and be loved.

He crept quietly across the hall, to the bedroom, and opened the door.

He didn't expect to see the sight that greeted him.

Gunn was lying on his back, smiling lightly. Wesley was sprawled across his chest, one hand on his shoulder, and the other resting on the top of his head. Gunn had an arm over his shoulders, holding Wesley securely.

The blankets were pushed down to expose their chests, which were both bare. Gunn was snoring softly.

Oh, how Angel wished he had a camera...

 Wesley rolled over, muttering "Charles...mmm...love you..."

Angel grinned slowly. Oh, this was priceless. Simply priceless.

"Mmm?", muttered Gunn, suddenly blinking. "Mmm. Huh?"

Wesley yawned, then, stretching. "Oh, hello, Charles. Please move, I need to get to the bathroom."

Gunn let Wesley get up, then said "Right behind you-" and stopped dead when he saw Angel. Wesley simply pushed past him and went into the room across the short hall, presumably the bathroom.

"Uh, sorry. I came to see how Wesley was doing. Sorry if I-", Angel started to say, then stopped as a loud retching was heard from the bathroom. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, it's morning sickness. Poor Wes, he hates it. I'd better go help him.", said Gunn, wincing. He went to the bathroom and opened the door, going over to Wesley and crouching beside him. 

*

Gunn rubbed Wesley's back. Stupid morning sickness. He wished that there was a way to make it stop, but Wesley had told him that it was all normal. The throwing up, the constant need to pee, the cravings for raw lemons and salt. All natural, he said.

Wesley sucked in a breath, then leaned back. He closed his eyes.

The morning sickness always wore him out a little. Normally, he would have jumped up and washed his face, hands and got breakfast ready, but he always needed to sit and just breathe for a while afterwards. Gunn could tell that Wesley didn't like to let him do all the work, but Gunn disagreed. Besides...he liked taking care of Wes.

And he could tell that Wes liked being taken care of, deep down. Liked being looked after and coddled. It was clear that he didn't have much experience in that department.

So, Gunn took a wet washcloth and cleaned his face, then brought the exhausted man back to bed. Went out to make some food.

Angel came in to the kitchen, leaning up against the wall. "That happens every morning?"

"Yeah, poor guy. I don't know how women stand that. All the puking and tiredness."

"I meant the...you and Wesley in bed."

"Uh, yeah. We, uh...yeah."

"So", Angel drew the word out, "how long have you two..."

"Pretty much this whole month. I'm gonna stay here until the baby's born and English is back on his feet."

"I meant how long have you two been together?"

Gunn dropped the kettle of water in shock.

*

"T-together? You mean like...having  _sex_ together? We're not."

"Really. Because you two were all cuddled up. And you comforted him through the...puking. And you-"

"We're not like that. Wesley's vulnurable, he's got a baby on the way, and there ain't no way I'm gonna take advantage of him.", Gunn said, picking up the kettle and resuming the tea making.

"Do you...like him?"

"Yes. Fine. I like him. He's...just...Wesley. You know? There's just...he works his way into your heart and-"

"Doesn't let go."

Gunn looked at him. He had a slightly bitter smile, looking at the floor. "You noticed that."

"Yeah. I did. I mean, there's no way I'd make a move. Not even now. Not even if he wanted me to. But back then..." his eyes misted over. "It was like Buffy all over again. But sweeter, you know? Almost better. The heartache was still there. But he just...he looked up at me with those big eyes, and..."

"I know, man", Gunn said softly. "He doesn't even know that he does it. He has no damn idea. He just...somehow makes you love him."

"I don't know how the hell Giles resisted. He must be way tougher than he looks. A lot tougher than me.", Angel muttered. "But...well, if you hurt him, I'll beat you to death with a shovel. Just, if you two wind up together...do me a favor and make him happy. Don't break his heart. Or I'll kill you."

"Fine with me. So, did you come for a reason?" Gunn said, a little too loudly. Trying to get past the awkward nature of this conversation. 

"Yeah, uh, I actually came to pick Wesley up for a doctor's appointment." 

*

"You okay?", asked Gunn.

Wesley looked up. "Uh, yes. Fine." 

No, not fine at all. He was nervous as all hell. 

They were sitting in the waiting room, and Wesley was trying not to freak out. What if he'd eaten the wrong thing and made the baby unhealthy? What if he'd thrown up too much and hurt it? What if the baby was dead born? What if he wasn't pregnant at all? Oh, dear lord. That was a thought to spawn nightmares. God, god god. Oh no. Oh no. 

Gunn suddenly wrapped him in his arms. "Hey, stop freaking out. It's fine. You're fine. The baby's gonna be fine."

The words soothed him, though he didn't quite know why. Just the sound of Gunn's voice seemed to do that. 

He let himself sag in Gunn's arms and accept the comfort. 

*

"Okay, let's see. Lift your shirt." Wesley complied. 

"This is going to be a little cold.", the doctor said, and spread the gel. Wesley gulped, closing his eyes and trying not to die of fear.

Gunn scooted his chair a little closer. "Shhh. It's gonna be fine", taking one of Wesley's hands.

It helped. Physical contact with Charles always seemed to.

"Okay. Here we go." 

Wesley's eyes snapped to the moniter.

On it there was-a blur.

"I know it's a little hard to make out, but that's the fetus. You can see what looks like a leg, here", the doctor pointed. "And the head, here. I can't make out the gender yet, unfortunately. We got a shy little guy here."

Wesley couldn't tear his eyes away. His baby. That was his baby.

Not even fully developed. But with a heartbeat. With eyes. And, apparently, arms and legs. Almost a complete little person.

_inside of him_

Gunn squeezed his hand. "Wow."

"Wow.", Wesley echoed.


	9. Month Two: Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wes has sex dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made myself cry. Next chappy will be happier.
> 
> Since it's post-Halloween, I'm uploading more than one chappy today!

"Wes..."

"Gunn", he moaned. Thrusted his hips up to meet Gunn's.

"Oh...oh...Gunn..."

"You like that, baby? You like it when I touch you?"

*

Wesley woke him up with a moan.

"Wes?" Was he okay? It was too early for the baby to come, right? Gunn rolled over and looked at Wes.

His jaw dropped.

Wesley was having what was obviously an erotic dream. He was actually  _humping_ the mattress, moaning. Panting and wriggling.

Just the sight of it...god. The Powers that Be must hate him. 

He was going to have to wake Wesley up. He didn't want to be a perv and just watch him hump...god. He just had to continue to watch, just for a moment.

Then he shook his head and grabbed Wesley's shoulder.

He latched onto Gunn at once, mumbling his name.

"Gunn...stop teasing me, Gunn...f**k me already, I'm ready for you..."

_What?!_

"Wes? Wake up. Come on, wake up", he whispered. 

"Mmm...Gunn", Wesley sighed. "My Gunn." he pressed up against Charles.

Damn.

That was...oh dear sweet lord. That felt so good. So, so good.

Wesley was humping, again, this time against him. "Wes, stop it. You don't want this. You're asleep."

"My Gunn..."

"WES, WAKE THE HELL UP!", Gunn bellowed.

*

Wesley opened his eyes. That had been...odd.

He'd had an erotic dream. That in itself was-

Charles.

Gunn was in  _bed_ with him. Did...and the dream had been  _about_ Charles. God.

"You awake?"

Wesley looked up, into mildly amused brown eyes. "Um, yes. I...you didn't..."

"You just had a sex dream about me, didn't you."

"yes", he whimpered, ashamed. This...why? Why did this have to happen and ruin their friendship? 

No more Gunn in his life. No more snuggling after breakfast. No more holding hands when waiting for a doctor. 

No more Gunn.

He bit his lip, trying to keep himself from crying. 

"So...uh. This is a little awkward."

"Yes. Yes it is.", Wesley said, looking away.

"Do, uh...you dream about that often?"

Wesley bit his lip. "No. It..."

"Wes", Gunn sighed, slipping an arm around him. "I don't...this is kind of..."

"Gunn, can we talk about this later?"

"No. We need to-"

"I'm going to throw up."

"Oh. Oh!", Gunn said, getting up. He threw the blankets aside and Wesley bolted to the bathroom.

He felt the now familer feeling of Gunn rubbing his back. He tried to hold back tears. 

Wesley felt awful. He knew that he pretty much loved Gunn. To have shamed himself like that, and then have Gunn come and comfort him like this...it was awful. 

"Hey, hey. It's okay. You're okay", Charles whispered. "You're all right."

Wesley realized that he was crying. Trying not to give in to the comfort, because he knew that he didn't deserve it. He knew he didn't. He didn't deserve Gunn's friendship.

For a while, he'd been able to pretend that he did. He'd pretended that he was worthy of anybody's love, let alone Gunn's. But he always did this.

His father. His mother. 

Then, Giles. He'd seen what a kindly, gentle, wise man he was. He had fallen faster than somebody diving off a cliff. He had wanted to be his faithful servent, to kneel before him. That crush was always going to remain one sided, and he would never, ever even like Wesley.

Then, in his 'rogue demon hunting' days, he had come across the warrior Stella. He hadn't been attracted to her, but she had been like a sister to him. She had been a soothing balm, a quiet girl who was so much like himself, he often wondered if they were related. He would never forgive himself for letting her die. He wasn't worthy to carry her memory.

Then...Gunn. Gunn was...everything. Beautiful. Kind. A fighter. A comforter.

A caring man.

Who was not deserving of having a coward and destroyer of life like him as a friend.

Gunn gently cleaned Wesley's face. Then pulled Wesley toward him.

"No", he whimpered. "No. Not after what I did."

"Shhhhhhhhhh. Shhhhhh.", whispered Gunn. "Shhhh."

"No. No..."

*

Gunn sighed as he made breakfast. Wesley had looked like a kicked puppy.

He hated when Wes looked like that. Stupid, stupid people.

He wanted to go to England and strangle Wesley's father. Then go to Sunnydale and punch Giles in the face. Nobody should do that to Wes. The poor boy just looked so...

He didn't understand why Wes had cried like that. He'd had an erotic dream about Gunn. So what? Gunn had dreams about Wesley. He had a huge crush on the stupid man. Everybody has dreams about people they love. 

Wesley had to know that Gunn liked him. He cuddled the man for God's sahe. Kissed his hair, comforted him during morning sickness...that goes a bit beyond friendship. 

But apparently, Wesley was oblivious as hell.

*

"Wes?"

"yes."

"Wesley, I'm not going to beat around the bush. 

I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everybody had a happy Halloween!
> 
> The reason Wesley is thinking like this and having such irrational moods is that the hormones are starting to make an appearance. He is going to be quite OOC (Out Of Character) for the next nine months. But you expected that, right?


	10. Month Two: Angel's Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Bread_Stars, because it's Lorne/Angel. I'm pretty sure that's your OTP.
> 
> Angel sees his sweetheart after a couple days separated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This is relevant to the rest of the story! And Ophelia is important, too!

"Angel!" Ophelia came over and gave him a hug. "I've missed you. Come on, come on-", she said, and dragged him over to a table. 

Angel laughed. "Ophelia, how have you been?"

"Awsome! Krev let me dye my hair purple, as you can see", here she tossed her hair. "And he's awsome, too. I have my own room, and he's letting me work here after school!"

"That's great", said Angel with a smile. He'd questioned Lorne's sanity when he'd taken in a foster kid, but it had worked out just fine. Ophelia was a great kid. 

"So, is he here?"

Ophelia laughed. "Yes he is. Just keep it PG, okay?"

"Okay", Angel agreed.

Ophelia let go of his hand and ran over to the bar.

Angel sat down, chuckling. Ophelia was a nice kid, considering where she'd grown up. She still had a tendency to flirt with people, but Lorne kept her on a leash in that respect.

"Well, he-llo gorgeous.", said a voice he recognised behind him.

Angel turned around and grinned. "Lorne!"

The demon grinned, bending down to kiss him. "Hey there, sweetie. I missed you."

"I missed you too. Come here, I need to hug you."

Lorne laughed and stood, taking Angel's hand and pulling him to his feet. "Hey."

Angel looped his arms around Lorne's neck and smiled. "Hey."

"Keep it PG!", yelled Ophelia.

Lorne laughed and laid his head on Angel's shoulder. "She hates it when I say that."

"So she says it to you at every opportunity?"

"Yes. It's kind of cute, but kind of annoying."

*

Finally. Finally, Lorne had Angel in his arms again. 

It felt like a year. He'd been gone for a few days, but it had been agony. 

He didn't even know how he had fallen quite so hard for the vampire. It was just something about the warm look in his brown eyes, how awkward he was. His social awkwardness was originally what drove Lorne to him. He loved getting people to open up, make them happy. Make them feel loved. 

And Angel, especially, needed love.

It started out with Lorne flirting. Angel was oblivious, of course. But as he actually got to know Angel...

He fell hard and fast. It was almost shocking, how much.

Angel was a real looker, no doubt about that. But Lorne couldn't care less about looks. He saw inside people, saw their souls.

Beside him, Angel sighed in his sleep and rolled closer to him. Lorne smiled as he looked at his boyfriend.

Then he put his arms around Angel, and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have worked out a timeline. I am going to do seven chapters for each month, with of course ten months. Just wanted to let y'all know.


	11. Month Two: Reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's reaction to Gunn's confession of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all!  
> I don' t know if anybody is actually reading this besides Bread_Stars, but if you are, then thank you. 
> 
> And, does anybody guess yet what's up with Cordy?

Silence.

"What?"

Gunn sighed. "I love you. Idiot."

"I...but..."

"Damn.", Gunn sat on the bed next to him. "English, I love you. I've been...you have to have noticed. I've made you breakfast, I've cuddled you for f**k's sake. I've basically been throwin' myself at you."

"oh."

"Wes, if you want me to leave...if this makes you uncomfortable..."

"No!". Wesley cried, clutching Gunn's arm. 

"No?"

"Don't, don't leave. I need you."

For protection?

"I just...I don't think I could bear it."

Gunn smiled. "Are you saying..."

"I think I love you, too. I just...I'm all over the place. I'm fine one minute, the next I'm crying for no reason."

Gunn bit his lip. "I think that's normal."

Wesley looked at him sideways. "So...where do we stand."

"Eh?"

"We just admitted that we...like each other. So...are we still friends?"

Gunn smiled at the nervous Englishman. "I think so. If uh...you want to be more than friends..."

"I think so."

"Then...um..."

Gunn realized that he had no idea what to say now.

"Uh...."

Wesley bit his lip. Then he leaned forward.

*

He was going to kiss Gunn's cheek and say "We can think about it later."

Really.

But Gunn turned his head and Wesley wound up kissing his lips. 

It was closed-mouth. It was a little awkward. But it was also the best kiss of Wesley's life.

They broke apart, which left Wesley blinking. He had just kissed Charles Gunn. Kissed him.

They had just kissed.

*

Gunn smiled, gently pushing Wesley back into bed, then climbing in himself. "This okay?"

"Yes", said Wesley, smiling and putting his arms around Gunn. He rested his head on Gunn's shoulder, and slept.

*

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

Gunn cracked open an eye and glared at the phone. 

He grabbed it off the nightstand and said "What?"

"Gunn? Why are you answering-"

"Wes is asleep."

"Oh. Well, wake him up and let him know that we have something we need him to research." Cordy sounded distracted.

"Okay. Are you at the hotel?"

"Uh...no. I'm with...a gir-a da-date. A date."

"At", Gunn glanced at the alarm clock. "8:00 in the morning?"

"I slept over."

Oh. Meaning she slept with him. "Okay, is Angel at the hotel?"

"Yeah, he should be-uh, hold up for a second."

He heard muffled sounds of people talking. Cordy had probably put her hand over the phone.

Then she hung up. Damn.

He nudged Wes. "Hey, Wesley? Wes?"

Wesley blinked his eyes sleepily. "Hmm?"

"We need to get to the hotel. I'm sorry, there's a demon-"

"Say no more.", Wesley got out of bed and started to get dressed. "Will you come with me?"

Gunn realized that he hadn't considered  _not_ going with him. "Yeah. You need any help?"

"I can dress myself." Wesley paused. "Though...there is...never mind."

"Wes...if you..."

"No, it's not the time.", Wesley said, pulling on socks. "There. Come on. There's evil to rid the world of!"

*

It turned out to be a big, slime demon. Yuck. It also turned out to be something that Angel couldn't handle alone. So, Gunn grudgingly went with him.

Wesley sighed, sitting on one of the couches in the lobby. Damn. He couldn't seem to find something to do while waiting besides worry. 

He worried that Gunn or Angel wouldn't make it back. Angel was a dear friend to him, and if he died...

And Gunn. Gunn was his everything. He loved him so much...if anything happened to him...

He shook his head. He couldn't think about it. Just couldn't.

He bit his lip, when he felt something...shift.

His eyes widened.

He looked down at his stomach. Cordelia had cheerfully reassured that he would get bigger over time, though for now he wasn't.

He hadn't really thought about it much. It was...an idea. A blur on a screen. A child that he would someday have.

It hadn't registered that it was already there.

There was a baby inside of him. An infant. 

He smiled. "Hello", he whispered. "I guess...I've been waiting for you."


	12. Month Two: Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel goes go Wesley's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know that some fics have threesomes and other relationships in them.  
> Not in this one.  
> Gunn and Wes are a solid couple, and Angel is with Lorne. In this chapter, Angel is genuinely excited about becoming an uncle. Yes, he is a tiny bit wistful, but he knows that any relationship he'd have with Wes would be...screwed up. Because he's Angel. Angel would never cheat on Lorne.

Gunn wrapped Wesley in his arms and gave him a kiss. He loved this. Just lying here with Wes, being able to nuzzle and kiss him as much as he liked. Being able to stare into those big, blue eyes for as long as he liked without having to worry that he was being creepy.

"Mmm.", hummed Wes, putting a hand on his cheek. "You're...soft."

Gunn smiled, raising an eyebrow. "I'm soft?"

"Yes. I don't know...you're just...gentle. And nice. Nobody's ever" he paused to yawn "been so...oh, I don't know. You're just...Gunn. And...being Gunn, is...you're..."

Eyebrow went higher.

"I'm trying to say that I think you're perfect."

"Well. Nobody's ever called me that before."

Wesley blushed. "Well...you are. To me."

"You tryn' to say that you love me?", Charles asked gently.

Wesley snuggled closer, laying a hand on his chest. "Yes. I do. I just...have a hard time saying it. Every time I do..."

"Wes, I'm not gonna...I'm gonna be here. With you. I promise. Not gonna go anywhere."

The Englishman smiled. He laid his head on Gunn's chest. "Okay."

*

Angel practically bounced into the apartment. "Hello! Hello, hello!"

"What's got you in such a great mood?"

"I don't know. Just...things. Baby stuff."

"Unless I'm really out of touch with the whole biology thing, Wesley's the pregnant one, right?"

"Yes. I'm just...happy." Angel bounced on his toes. "Wesley! I get to be an uncle, right?"

Wesley stared. "There's no danger of you becoming Angelus, right?"

Angel stared. "No. But I get to be uncle, right? To the baby?"

"Umm...if you want to, I guess."

"Yay!"

Gunn shook his head as Angel bounded over to where Wesley was sitting. "Can I...?"

"Can you what?", Wesley asked, looking at him warily.

"Can I feel? Is it moving yet? Do you know the gender?"

"No...to all the questions."

"Come on! Please?"

"Fine. But there's nothing to feel, yet."

Angel sat on the couch next to Wesley, waiting eagerly for Wes to pull his shirt up.

Gunn tried not to strangle Angel for touching Wes. Tried harder as Angel put his hand on Wesley's belly.

"Huh. Oh! Oh, oh! I forgot to tell you! I can hear the heartbeat."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So, it's human. Wow. You're kinda-"

"Okay. That's enough", said Gunn in what he hoped was a calm voice. "Enough feeling up my boy. Wes, put your shirt back down."

"Your boy...you two finally got together?!"

"What do you mean 'finally?'"


	13. Month Two: Confectionaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunn and Wesley are forced to watch Frozen. Just a harmless piece of fluff.
> 
> And muffins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the episode "She", Wesley briefly wears a hand-knit cream colored sweater at Cordelia's party. He fervently denies having knit it himself. I never believed for a second that he bought it at a store.

"Are you sure this is okay?", whispered Cordelia. 

"It'll be fine, honey. Promise."

Angel spoke up. "Maybe we should knock first...so that if they're...you know...that have time to get dressed."

"No, I don't know.", Cordelia said.

"Uh...well...see...wait. Wait, wait. You didn't know that Wesley and Gunn are together?"

"They are? Aaaah! I'm gonna have to...damn it.", Cordy pouted. "I made a bet with Giles  on how long it would take. I'm gonna have to fork over thirty bucks."

"With Giles? You made a bet with Giles?"

"Well...yeah..."

Lorne shook his head. Then stepped up to knock.

*

Gunn bit his lip. "Can I turn around now?"

"Just a minute..."

"Come on. I'm not gonna laugh."

"Well...fine. But don't laugh."

"I said I wouldn't...", Gunn muttered as he turned around.

Then stared.

"It's too much, isn't it."

Wes was holding up a baby sized, cream colored sweater. It looked like it was...

"Did you...English, did you make this?"

"I, uh. I had this cousin, her name was Amanda. She taught me how to knit. Do you think..."

"Wow...I can't believe it. How long did it take you?"

"I've been working on it on and off for about a year. I finished it a week ago."

"Wow..."

Somebody knocked at the door. Wesley absentmindedly handed the sweater to Gunn and opened the door.

Angel burst through the doorway and hugged Wesley. "Hi! How's my nephew? How's Gunn? Are you sleeping with Gunn yet?"

Lorne smiled, and walked in. "Hi, Gunn."

"Hi Lorne. Hey, Cordy."

"Gunn, hi. Wow. Is Angel okay?"

"He's...we don't really know. He's been all squealy about the baby lately. It's kind of annoying."

As Angel hugged Wesley and talked nonstop about how he'd seen some toy fire trucks at a store and they should really get some, Cordelia nodded. "It's a little creepy."

Lorne stared at Angel, then Wesley, obviously trying to keep his expression neutral. But the pure jealousy radiated through.

"Hey, Angel? Stop your Shampoo imitation for a second. It's making your boyfriend jealous. And Gunn doesn't look very happy either.

And I think you're suffocating Wes."

*

They ended up going to see a movie. Gunn wanted to see Gladiator, and so did Wesley. Angel wanted to watch...

Frozen.

And, unfortunatly, it was three to two.

So, they ended up seeing Frozen.

"Why do they think a living snowman is somehow cute?", whispered Wesley. "It's disturbing."

Gunn held onto him in fear. "God. And what's with the two sisters? They don't look anything alike."

"Just enjoy it.", whispered Lorne. "There's music."

Gunn gagged. 

*

"Let it go..."

"Shut up!", everybody yelled at once.

Angel looked hurt. "You don't like my singing?"

"It's worse than Akane's cooking!"

Angel's lip trembled.

Wesley patted him on the back. "There, there. It's all right. I'm sure at least Lorne likes it."

Lorne nodded, giving Angel a kiss. "Cordelia didn't mean to be as insulting as she sounded."

"I thought Wes was supposed to be the hormonal one.", hissed Cordelia to Gunn.

"Oh, he is. Believe me."

*

"We're stopping at the grocery store...why?"

"We ran out of muffins and raw lemons."

Wesley ran along the aisles until he came to the produce section. He grabbed a bag of lemons, then ran to the pastries. He got a box of raspberry muffins, then ran to the checkout.

"Lemons and muffins, huh?", said a lady behind him.

"Yes. Hormones.", Wesley explained.

*

On the way back to Wesley and Gunn's apartment, Wesley started eating a lemon.

"Are you...Wesley! Why are you doing that?"

"Told you. Hormonal", smirked Gunn. "This is what I live with, Cordy."

Wesley stopped. "Oh...am I being annoying?"

"No. It's just...uh...never mind", Cordelia muttered.

*

In Sunnydale, right in the middle of a research session, Rupert Giles sneezed.

"G-man? You okay?"

"Just fine, Xander. And don't call me that. I just got this odd feeling...like...somebody was talking about me..."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Huh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smily faces to anybody who caught the Ranma 1/2 references!
> 
> And just for the record, I loved Frozen.


	14. Month Two: Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunn talks to the baby.
> 
> And Cordy goes on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! Two chapters in one day, whew!
> 
> I hope you like it!

"Wes?"

Wesley was sitting in front of the television, eating Cheerios and knitting.

Yeah. Knitting.

"I found a hole in this sweater. I'm patching it up."

After the past two months, nothing should surprise him.

But it still did. "English, is this a hormone thing?"

"Actually, no. I like to knit. The cheerios are a, as you say, hormone thing. I normally can't stand the taste."

Gunn sat down beside Wes and pulled the man into his arms. "You know that I love you?", he asked quietly.

"Yes. I do", said Wesley, smiling and reaching up to stroke Gunn's cheek. "I love you too, Charles."

It felt so good to hear him say that. So good to hear that Wesley felt the same.

"You know...", Wesley said, and stopped. He bit his lip. "I, uh...I wouldn't...object to..."

"If you, er, want to take this the, ah, next level..."

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "Maybe we shouldn't go that fast. How about a date first?"

Wesley's eyes widened. "Are...you...asking me out?"

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"You-"

"If you would, Gunn, I would...oh, Gunn!", Wesley exclaimed, throwing his arms around the startled man. It was just a date! It wasn't like Gunn had just asked Wesley to marry him.

That thought made him pause.

Should he be thinking about things like that? If only in Gunn's mind, they were a couple. Wesley had a baby on the way. He hadn't even thought about what it would be like  _after_ the baby was born.

Would Wesley still...want him around?

The sudden wetness against his neck was an answer. Wesley was always so unbearably touched whenever somebody did something nice for him. Even just Gunn asking him out...Wes wouldn't kick him out. He wasn't like that.

He slowly became aware that Wesley was crying on his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

Wesley sniffled. "I...I don't know. I'm okay, I'm happy, but it-it just...I can't seem to stop."

"More hormones."

"Well, it's better than the morning sickness", Wesley laughed through his tears.

*

Later, Wes was lying in bed with him. This was grade-A heaven. Wesley right there, a warm bed.

And Wesley.

His mind couldn't stop reeling at the fact that Wesley was here. With him. Snuggling with him.

There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that was jumping up and down and screeching with joy.

Finally.

*

Wesley woke up to the soft voice of Gunn and a hand on his belly.

"...and I promise, I'll take care of  you both. In any way that I can. I will never leave you."

Gunn was talking to the baby.

Wesley almost laughed out loud. Gunn snuggled against his shoulder and said "How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

*

"Hey."

Cordelia smiled. "Hi! Ah, I missed you." she kissed her date's cheek tenderly. "How's your sister?"

"She's doing better. She's working through her problems."

"Good. Tell her that I hope she gets through it, okay?"

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a snippet. But who IS this mystery person? If you look carefully enough, I've left clues in a couple chapters...
> 
> If you would, please leave a comment with your conclusions. Is her date a man?
> 
> Or has Cordy gone...the way of Willow?


	15. Month Three: Examination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's doctor appointment. And Angel/Lorne fluff.
> 
> And everybody keeps falling asleep.

Angel sat nervously in the waiting room, resting his head on Lorne's shoulder. "Is the doctor ever going to come out?"

"Isn't Wes supposed to be the one who's all anxious?", asked Cordelia. 

"Well...it's my nephew. I think I'm allowed to be concerned."

"Wesley isn't."

"Wesley is busy trying to suffocate Gunn with his mouth."

"Mmm-hey", Gunn said, detaching himself. "I'm just trying to keep him calm."

"By letting him choke you with his tongue?"

"If Lorne weren't asleep, you'd be kissing him."

"Mmm? Did somebody say my name?", Lorne asked sleepily.

"Nothing, honey."

Wesley hugged Gunn and fell asleep. 

"Is he okay?"

"It's a pregnancy thing", said Gunn.

"What about Lorne?", Cordelia asked. Lorne was, in fact, asleep again.

"I...kept him up last night."

"Oh? Details?"

"No. No details."

"Awww..."

*

"Okay...you seem to be having a fairly normal pregnancy so far. Has the baby kicked yet?"

"No. Is that bad?"

"Well, no. They usually start moving in around three months. If he doesn't start, call me. That's a sign of miscarriage."

Wesley looked up, startled. He put his hands on his stomach protectivley. 

"Don't worry for now. Your child's heartbeat is strong. And everything seems to be developing normally. Let's do an ultrasound, an then you can go."

Wesley laid back, already regretting telling Gunn that he could go by himself. 

Once the ultrasound was set up, Wesley looked at the screen. 

There was the same blur. But much clearer. He could see his child's head, shoulders, arms, legs...

"Well! It looks like you're having a girl."

*

Wesley left the examination room feeling giddy. He was having a girl!

He ran straight into Gunn's arms, almost squealing. "We're having a girl! It's a girl!"

Gunn almost fell over with the force of Wesley's hug. "Woah!"

"Sorry. I'm so excited! We're having a girl!", he almost shouted.

"Hey, congratulations, cupcake!", said Lorne. He was grinning. 

"Well, it's about time we had more girls around here!", exclaimed Cordelia. 

Angel ran over and hugged Wesley. "I'm having a neice!"

*

"Giles?"

"Oh, Cordelia! Hello."

"Cordelia's calling you?"

"Yes, shhh. A girl? Really? Tell them I said congratulations. Yes, in spite of the fact that I have to fork over twenty dollars. But don't tell them that part. Yes, yes. Of course...really? You want me to-do course I'll do it! Make sure that it's all right first. All right. A girlfriend? I'de love to meet her. Yes, of course. You and Willow will have lots to talk about. Yes, yes she did. I guess he did, in a way. All right, goodbye."

"What was that about?"

"Well, we just got invited to a baby shower.", said Giles, grinning.

"A baby shower?!", yelped Xander. "Cordelia's pregnant? It was Wesley, wasn't it?"

"Actually, Cordelia is the self-proclaimed 'auntie', not the mother. And Wesley is actually the one pregnant."

Willow squealed. "Really? Can I be an auntie, too? Is it a boy or a girl?"

Buffy's mouth fell open in shock. "How did Wesley get pregnant?!"

Tara smiled. "Wow, t-that's kind of cool. I-is he okay?"

"He and the baby are doing fine. And it's a girl, Willow. We're all invited to the baby shower, which is taking place in a month. And he is apparently intersexual, Buffy."


	16. Month Three: Dates, Sex, And Kicking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People go on dates.

Gunn nuzzled Wes, yawning. He laid a hand over Wesley's belly.

"You know, you're starting to grow a bit", he said sleepily. "It's a good sign."

Wesley gave him a kiss. "I hope so. Er, Gunn?"

"Yeah?"

"Um...remember how we wanted to see Gladiator?"

"Yeah...".

"Well...um...it's showing tomorrow. At the theater we saw Frozen at."

"You askin' me out, English?"

"Um, yes. Yes I am."

"I'd love to, babe." Gunn held Wesley and turned out the light. "Let's sleep."

Wesley contentedly snuggled into Charles and drifted off to sleep, where he dreamed about babies and lemons.

*

After the predictable onslaught of morning sickness, Wesley found himself agonizing over what to wear, of all things.

"English, the theater is gonna be dark. You'll look fine.", Gunn reassured him.

Wesley finally settled on a pair of jeans, a plain grey T-shirt, and Gunn's red sweatshirt.

Then they headed off for their date.

*

Liz waited for her date almost impatiently. It was 11:00, where the hell-

"Hey! Sorry, I got held up at work", Cor said, rushing into the resteraunt. Giving her a quick kiss, she slid into the seat next to her. "I seriously didn't mean to be late."

"Hey, it's okay. Come here, let me hug my girl."

*

Angel waited by the bar, fiddling with his cost. He usually wasn't this nervous. It was a little worrying, that Lorne wasn't here. He wondered if his boyfriend had been attacked. God, he hoped not. 

He bit his lip, looking at the door. "God, please let him be okay", he muttered. 

"Hey, hon. Sorry for the wait."

Angel scrambled up and gave the demon a kiss. "I thought something had happened to you."

Lorne stroked his hair. "Sorry, Angelcakes. Didn't mean to scare you. Ophelia was in a bit of a tough spot. She hasn't had too much of an education before now. Her math teacher was getting on her back, but I...persuaded her to not give Ophelia detention."

"You kicked her ass."

"Maybe. Nobody pushes my baby sister around." Lorne tried to growl.

It didn't really work. 

*

Ethan snuggled into Giles, sighing. "This is what I call a perfect day."

"We haven't done a thing besides watch a couple of videos and cuddle."

"Like I said. Perfect. Exept for the fact that we haven't had sex, yet...which can be remedied easily enough."

Giles laughed as he pinned Ethan down on the couch. "All right, then. I'll hold you to it. Get these things off.", he said, tugging at Ethan's trousers.

*

Gunn held Wesley in his lap. "This is nice", he commented.

Gunn held him tighter. "Sure is", he whispered. "English, you have any idea how much I love you?"

"If it's in any way equal to how much I love you..."

"And how much is that?"

"Mmm...more than there are stars in the sky."

Then he felt a flutter.

His heart briefly stopped. "Oh."

"What? Are you okay?"

"Charles..."

There it was again. Unmistakably. 

His little girl was kicking.

She was alive. His baby was kicking him. His...daughter.

"Are you okay?"

"Charles, give me your hand."

Wesley took Gunn's hand and slid it inside his shirt.

"Uh, English? We're in public. I don't..."

"Shhhh. Just wait."

In the next minute, there it was.

A kick.

"She's kicking."

"Yes. Our baby's kicking."


	17. Month Three: Appearences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunn goes to rescue Cordelia. He finds...something he didn't expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to circumstances I am not able to control, I may lose this account, and all my works. I don't know if I will be able to get it back, but thank you for all your continued support. I hope you enjoyed what I have been able to write. 
> 
> Thank you all. I hope you have a great day.

Beep. Beep.

Gunn groaned. He snuggled further into the blankets.

Beep. Beep. 

He threw an arm around Wes.

Beep. Beep.

Bee-

He grabbed the phone. "What?"

"Gunn, Cordelia is missing. She's been kidnapped, I think it's a demon-"

"Okay. I can be at the hotel in 15 minutes. Where are you?"

"I'm at the hotel. Come quickly."

Gunn hung up and ran to get a post-it. He wrote Wesley a note, stuck it to the refrigerator, grabbed his axe, and went to find Cordy.

*

Wesley groaned.

He got up for the usual bout of morning sickness, and got to the bathroom.

Gunn apparently wasn't awake yet. Wesley didn't mind, god knows that poor Gunn needed more sleep.

He took deep breaths, then started to clean up. He hadn't had to do this himself for months.

He climbed back into bed, hoping to give Gunn a kiss...

But he wasn't there. Wesley felt an irrational panic settle over him. Where was Gunn? Was he okay? 

He kept up and ran into the kitchen. "Gunn? Gunn, are you all right?"

Gunn wasn't there.

There was a note on the fridge. 

_Wesley,_

_Cordy's missing. I went to the hotel to find her. I don't know if she's okay, I don't know if she's dead. We're gonna find her either way. I love you._

_Gunn_

Wesley dropped the note. Cordelia was missing?

*

Gunn got to the hotel just as Angel was about to call him. "Come on, I think I know where's she's being held." 

 It turned out to be an apartment close to Cordy's. "If whatever it is killed her..."

"It won't. We'll make sure of that."

 The crept into the apartment. They could hear something that sounded like groaning. Cordelia's groaning

Gunn looked around. The apartment was...actually pretty nice. Pictures of Mickey Mouse on the walls, a TV, a computer, a couch...the walls were purple and there was a grey shag rug on the floor.

It didn't look like it would belong to a demon. But appearances are sometimes deciving. 

There was a bedroom at the end of a small hallway. Gunn was eerily reminded of Wesley's apartment.

They opened the door.

*

"Why are we going to this baby shower again? And why are we shopping for it?"

"Because...because I said so."

"Giles...you hated Wesley."

Giles sighed. "He was a bit of a pompous berk, but...he's changed. Besides, he's a parent now. That takes-"

"Oooh!", Willow squealed. She held up a yellow dress. "How about this one?"

They were currently standing in the infant's clothing section of Walmart. "Hmmm...that might be too big. But I guess they'll need things in several different sizes, after all..."

"Giles, you are the absolute last person I would expect to get into baby shopping." Xander shook his head. "It's gonna be weord, seeing Wes all...pregnant."

"It will, won't it?"

*

Somebody knocked on the door.

Wesley jumped up, opening it. "Gunn!", he cried, throwing himself into the man's arms. "Is Cordelia all right? Did you find her?"

"Yeah, they found me all right", came Cordelia's annoyed voice. "Right in the middle of some very good sex, I may add."

"Hmm. Didn't know I was that good", came an amused voice he didn't recognize.

Wesley pulled Gunn into the apartment, making room for Cordelia and the other girl to come inside.

The other woman was resting her head on Cordy's shoulder, and their arms were linked. "Hello. I'm Liz. Sorry about this."

"Oh, it's perfectly fine. Are you Cordy's...girlfriend?"

"Yes, she is.", Cordelia said, looking at Liz.

"Wonderful! This is what you wanted to tell me?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"Come in, come in." Wesley ushered them in and closed the door. "How did you meet? Are you serious?"

"I bumped into her on a date gone bad", Cordy said. "A date with a guy, actually. I saw her and...let's say that I now believe in love at first sight."

"I actually work at the coffee shop she was at.", Liz said. Liz had short pink hair, green eyes, and was dressed in a pair of black heels, a black mini skirt, and a grey sweater.

*

"Wow. You got a lot of stuff", said Tara.

"Giles went insane. He bought Wes basically everything he'll need until the kid's junior year of high school."

"I did not. I just..."

"Giles. You did go insane."

"Well, yes..."


	18. Month Three: Protests And Cajolences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguing, coming out of the closet and home birthing videos.
> 
> Content borrowed from Charmed.

Wesley groaned. "I thought this was supposed to stop by the second trimester."

Gunn got a warm washcloth and waited as Wes went down again. 

"What am I even barfing", he moaned. "I haven't eaten anything." 

Gunn made sure he was done and wiped Wesley's mouth. "I don't think you're in the second trimester yet, baby. I don't really know much about this stuff, you'd have to ask the doctor." he rubbed Wesley's back.

Wesley sighed and looked up pitifully. "Sometimes I actually like this. Being pregnant. But other times, actually, most of the time...it's just not fun."

*

"Come on, English..."

"For the last time, Gunn. Hospital. With lots of doctors. I am not giving birth here."

"Come on..."

"Why do you want me to anyway?"

Gunn sighed. "Never mind...it...just never mind."

Wesley was quite glad to get off the subject. He sighed and snuggled into Gunn. "Mmm. What did you think of Liz?"

"Oh, boy. She's...a little wild. Never thought Cordy'd go for the wild chick. But she's nice. They seem happy, anyway."

Wesley shifted. "I hope it works out for them." he leaned and kissed Gunn. Gunn tightened his arms around Wes and slipped a hand down to his belly.

 "Mmmmm.", sighed Wesley. "Mmm."

*

 Ethan kissed Giles softly, gently. He sighed and tightened his arms around the man.

Somebody knocked on the door, but the two were too caught up in each other to notice. Ethan drew back and smiled at his boyfriend, who-

The door opened. "Giles-"

Buffy stopped. "You."

Ethan squeaked, jumping back. 

 "What the  _hell is he doing here_?"

"Crap. Uh, Buffy...we're...sod it. Buffy, I'm dating Ethan."

*

Wesley covered his eyes and whimpered "The blood... The...oh, Gunn. Please turn it off."

The woman on screen screamed as another contraction ripped through her. Wesley curled on on himself, Gunn grimaced and put his arms around Wes.

"When they say that birth is beautiful, somehow they always leave out the screaming.", muttered Gunn. "Sorry, Wes. If it's any help, I'm pretty sure you won't be on tape."

"That's not the point. God, that poor woman...poor me. No, I don't want to do this. I'm sure of it. I'll scrape up all the money I need, I am having this baby in a hospital."

"I agree. I don't want to see you in that much pain. Pain meds are underrated."

Wesley unfurled and snuggled Charles. "Can you turn that off?"

Gunn picked up the remote and pressed the button. 

"Thank you."

*

"He tried to kill us! Several times!"

"Yes, and Angel never did."

"What?!"

"Well, at least Ethan is human. He's off Chaos. He's fine. He's basically just-"

"No no no. He made you sleep with my mother!"

"Buffy..."

*

 Angel raised an eyebrow. "Baby shower?"

"Yes! Me and Lorne have been planning it, since I'm good at parties and Lorne is...Lorne, there for excellent at all things fun."

Angel sat up. "Cordy, you're not planning to try and steal my boyfriend..."

"Ewwww! Me and Lorne? Yuck. On so many levels...besides, Lizzy would kill me. Plus Ophelia. She kicks hard."

"Okay. Just wanted to establish that. So, when were you two thinking of throwing this baby shower?"

"Next month. We already invited the Sunnydale gang."

"You what?!"

"Yeah. I know it might be a little awkward with Buffy and everything, but it'll be fine. I'm going to invite them over after the birth, too."

"You did  _not_ make another bet with Giles."

"On the baby's gender. He's got ten bucks riding on it being a boy, I've got twelve on it being a girl."

"Oh, Cordy. Wait- we know the baby's gender."

"Sometimes these things change! All embryos start out as female. This could change."

"You just want money."

"Well, yeah. But Liz gets half."

*

"Okay. Giles...I guess I respect your decision. I'll try not to make trouble", Buffy muttered. He'd finally convinced her to lay off Ethan.

Then he saw...

Jealousy as she looked up. For just a second until she guarded her features again.

_Bloody Hell._

He thought of Buffy as a daughter. He had almost always felt fatherly toward her, and would always think of her as his little girl.

He knew that Buffy was now a woman. An amazingly beautiful woman, though he was apt to think of her as adorable. She would always be a child in his mind.

He hoped to dear God that he had misunderstood that. That she wasn't jealous of Ethan. Because...frankly, yuck. He recoiled at the thought of his daughter...just yuck.

He would have to word this carefully. And try not to vomit. That seemed like an increasing possibility.

*

"Okay. So we've got streamers, banner...cake...assortment of other crap...who wrote this list? And what goes under 'assortment of other crap?'"

"Angel, you're not getting into the spirit."

"Maybe it's that I haven't seen my neice for a couple days. I should-"

"Angel! You're getting bored with me."

"Oh, baby, of course I'm not! Never!"

Lorne sniffed. Cordelia stifled a laugh. Oh, Lorne. He had Angel wrapped around his little finger. "I love our neice too, but...Angel..."

Oh, all hail the devious one. He was trying to get Angel to stay and help them party plan. She could tell by the glint in his eyes.

This was priceless.

*

"Buffy...I love you." she looked up, a little shocked.

"Uh...I love you too. Have for years." and you didn't abandon me like my real dad. Well, actually, he had. But he always came back.

"But...I love you like a daughter. I...I don't know if you misinterpreted that...or...but I like to think of myself as your father. Not anything more. Besides, the-the age difference between us..."

 _"WHAT?!",_ shrieked Buffy. "You thought WHAT? Ewwwwwwww! Gross! Giles...thats, that's perverted! Gross!"

Giles sighed. "Oh, thank god."

Buffy sat down on the couch. "I am traumatized for life. Giles...yeah, I'm jealous of Ethan. But it's like the Ted thing. I hated Ted because he dated Mom. And he tried to kill me and was drugging everyone...hey...there are parallels there..."

"Buffy."

"Sorry. But you're like Mom. Uh. That came out wrong. But..."

"I get it. Come here."

Buffy stood up and hugged her father.

*

Gunn mumbled in his sleep, pulling Wes closer. Wesley smiled, sighing. He rolled over, looking at the ceiling.

He put a hand to his belly, smiling wider when the baby kicked. He'd come to think of her as theirs. His and Gunn's. 

He wondered if Gunn would want to be her father. If he would want to raise this child with him. 

He hoped so. He rolled over, turning to Gunn. Looked at the way his eyes moved behind his eyelids as he dreamed. Looked at the way he smiled or frowned as he slept.

He laid his head on Gunn's shoulder. Gunn hummed in sleep and rolled over, facing Wesley instead of lying on his back. A hand came to rest on his stomach. The baby kicked.

Wesley smiled. He wondered if she was able to dream, yet. What she dreamed.

"I love you", he whispered to his daughter. "And your daddy loves you too." he wrapped his hand around Gunn's, and made the dark fingers gently squeeze the bump. "We love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about Giles' reaction.
> 
> He, in canon, veiws Buffy as his daughter. I have always thought of him as such, and he acts like such. I almost wished that him and Joyce would get together, so that he'd become Buffy's stepfather.  
> I, personally, have never and will never ship them. I am sorry if this offends anybody, but these are my feelings.


	19. Month Three: Intercourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's getting bigger. And he's not happy about it. Gunn makes it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No actual sex scenes. Sorry!
> 
> *author ducks flying tomatoes*

Wesley tried to buckle his jeans. "Nnng", he grunted in frustration. They just wouldn't...good lord, they'd bought these on that trip to hell with Cordelia. They should fit.

Gunn came up behind him and slipped his arms around Wes' waist. "Hey. Watcha doin', hon?", he whispered into Wesley's ear.

"Trying to get dressed. It's not working."

Gunn looked at the jeans, then back at him. "Honey...you've grown a bit, it looks like."

Wesley sighed. "God. Well, what do we do about it?"

"Your PJs fit. You can wear them."

Wesley sighed. Normally he would protest, but it looked like he didn't have another option here. He took off the jeans and put his pajama pants back on. "I feel ridiculous."

"You look fine. You actually look kinda sexy." Gunn paused. "Uh."

Wesley looked at him, amused. " Well. I didn't know that I could, being over two months pregnant."

"You do. C'mon, Wes. It's you. You always look sexy." Gunn said it as if it were a fact. Water is wet. The sky is blue. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce is sexy.

"I'm not."

"The hell you're not. Those big damn eyes, cute little face, the way you move, your ass, even the way you talk, all put together and you are as hot as hell."

"Gunn...", Wesley said, as Gunn walked toward him. He wrapped Wesley in his arms and kissed him. When they broke apart, Gunn said

"English, the only unsexy thing about you is your low self esteem."

 Wesley smiled. "God, I love you."

"I love you, too.", Gunn leaned down for another kiss, then sat down on the bed. Pulling Wes down with him. With the Englishman struggling and laughing, he somehow managed to get them in bed under the blankets.

"There was something I wanted to talk to you about", Wesley murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Er...we've never...uh. Slept together-"

"Yes we have. Every night."

"I meant-"

"Oh. Do you want to?", Gunn said, nuzzling the man's shoulder.

"Uhm...well. Yes. Very much. But as I'm not in a good position to be...you see my delema."

"Not really. You could...you know. Do me."

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "You would-"

"English, yes I would. I would. I don't care who's doing the screwing. Hey, that rhymes."

Wesley smiled. "If you want to. I sure as hell do."

*

 Angel collapsed, panting. "Wow."

Lorne grinned. "I had no idea that my voice could go that high."

Angel snuggled up to him, sighing and looking at him. "I've never felt like that. Never. It was...so..."

"For me too. I had no idea." Lorne put an arm around Angel. "I've never felt like that either."

*

 Wesley collapsed. "Gunn...", he whispered.

"Mmm...Wes", Gunn sighed below him. "Told you that you were sexy." he sighed again when Wes rolled off of him and put an arm around his waist. 

"That was...it...oh.", Wesley murmured. He sighed.

Gunn rolled over and grinned at him. "See? I told you."

Wesley reached out and stroked Gunn's chin. "You did. Thank you. I think that I needed it."

Gunn snuggled into his arms. "Glad to help. And hey...anytime you need that, uh, kinda 'help'..."

Wesley smiled. "How about every night? Or twice every night?"

"I don't think I'm up to that. But as often as I can, English...actually, you'll be topping. So yeah, anytime you want." 

Wesley laughed. "I'll hold you to that, Charles." he leaned in and gave his boyfriend a long kiss.

They laid there, kissing for a long time. Then they cuddled.

*

Xander opened the door. "Hey, G-man, I'm right on time for the Scoobie meeting for once-"

Silence. 

"Oh my God..."

Giles giggled as Ethan sucked on his neck, gasping as he was pushed against the wall. "He...hehe...Mmmm, Ethan..."

Xander shut the door. "I did not see that." he checked his watch. "Oh. It's supposed to be at 10:00 pm. Not am. Shit."


	20. Month Three: Dreams and Cravings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley starts having mood swings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is WEIRD.

"Please?"

"No."

Please?"

"I said no."

"Pretty please with blueberry scones on top?"

"No. For the last time, Wes, no."

Wesley pouted. "But...I've been good all year!"

Santa sighed. "I am not going to send you Charles Gunn with a bow around his neck for Christmas."

"Why not?"

"What would you do with him?"

"We'd be the bestest friends ever!"

"Would you feed and walk him?"

"Yes! Every day. And when he's sick I'll feed him soup and make him stay in bed. And cuddle him. And I'll wash him and make sure not to leave him by himself too long-"

"All right, all right. But how am I going to fit Gunn on my sleigh?"

"He can ride one of the raindeer."

Santa sighed. "All right."

*

Wesley woke up feeling terrible. "Uuuuugh."

Silence.

Great.

Wesley got up for his daily upchucking, still feeling horrible. He had a headache, his feet hurt, and he didn't know where Gunn was.

He actually felt a little better when he was done vomiting. As he wiped his face off, he wondered if they were growing apart already.

He'd heard of relationships and marriages that only lasted a couple months. They loved too much too fast and got burnt out. Wesley whimpered at the thought of Gunn not loving him anymore. 

He certainly wasn't going to burn out. He'd always known that. When Wesley loved somebody, it was forever. But...was his and Charles' relationship going by too fast? He bit his lip to try and keep the sudden tears in. 

What if the baby didn't have a father because of that? Maybe Wesley was pushing things too far, too fast. Maybe Gunn...

Did Gunn really love him?

Wesley whimpered again and left the bathroom. Maybe Gunn was just being a decent human being, having seen how affection starved he was. Maybe Gunn was just being considerate. Wesley shook his head as though trying to force the thoughts out. 

He went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. He just couldn't stop the train of thought he was on. He kept thinking about Gunn, about how much he loved him. How much it would hurt if...

Wesley shook his head. Gunn loved him. He'd said so. 

But...

*

Gunn was seriously annoyed.

First, he gets woken up again by the damn phone. Then, he has to go and kill a group of stupid demons terrorising an old lady. Which had involved leaving Wes, who was smiling and murmuring "Gunn", under his breath. Then Cordy has to take him along to pick out clothes. To which he barely paid attention to.

Thank God he was going home. Thank God.

As he stepped into the building, he heard a weird sound. He rushed up the stairs and into the apartment. Ran to the bedroom.

Wesley was folding laundry. He had a big basket of Gunn's shirts that he was folding and making a pile of on the bed. Which, by itself, wasn't too weird. What was weird was that he was bawling.

Gunn rushed forward and took Wes into his arms. "Baby, what is it? Shhh, shhh. It's okay, I'm here now. Shhhh."

Wesley hugged him tightly and kept crying so hard it looked like he was having a seizure. He tried to talk a couple times, but started to choke on his sobs. 

Gunn just held him throughout it and wondered if he was okay. Was collapsing into a big crying heap normal? Was it just hormones, or was he hurt? 

What the Hell was going on?

Finally, Wes wore down. He took big, gulping breaths, obviously trying not to hyperventilate.

"English, what's going on? Are you hurt? Why..."

Wesley sniffed. "I just...I started thinking and I couldn't not think and it was just too much. And then I thought that maybe I'm being a big nuisance and that you're eventually going to leave me like everybody else has and I love you and I don't want you to go but you're going to and I'm selfish because I want you to stay and I love you and I'm  _scared..."_ , Wesley said in a rush, tears coming back into his eyes halfway through.

Gunn shook his head. "Okay. I need to take you with me next time. No more staying home alone. English, how can you think that I'd leave you? I could never leave you."

Wesley sighed. "I have no idea why I started thinking like that. It was like..."

"I don't know either. But I'm not gonna leave you, baby. I promise."

Wesley sighed again. He snuggled closer. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Gunn looked at Wes, who was now asleep. Poor boy was exhausted.

*

Angel stretched. "Mmm?"

Cordelia bounced on the bed. "Come on! Get up, get up, get up!"

Lorne mumbled into the pillow "what time is it?"

"It's muffin time!", shouted Wesley, getting up on the bed and bouncing, too.

Angel raised an eyebrow. "Uh..."

"I am not going to sing that", warned Cordy.

"That's fine. I just wanted to confuse Angel."

Gunn called "Hey, Wes, did you wake up Lorne and A-", he cut himself off when he came into the room and saw Wesley and Cordy bouncing. "Uh...what are you doing?"

"IT'S 12:30!", bellowed Cordelia.

Wesley took Lorne's pillow and started to hit Cordelia with it.

Gunn stared. "Um...I...I'm glad we're taking Wes to the doctor today..."

Cordelia took Angel's pillow and hit Wesley back.  "COME ON, GUNN! GET UP HERE AND KICK SOME BUTT!"

Angel looked at Gunn pleadingly. "Make them stop."

Gunn sighed. "I gotta do everything around here." he hopped up onto the bed and tried to hold Wesley down. "Hey. Stop annoying Angel, okay?"

Lorne muttered "never having children...never..."

Wesley instead bounced higher. "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!", he sang off key.

Lorne looked up. "Hey. Stop."

Cordelia and Wesley stopped bouncing at once. "Sorry, Lorne", they said in unison.

Angel and Gunn stared at them. "How come you stopped for Lorne?", asked Angel.

"Because Lorne is so easy going. When he gives you that look and says 'stop' you just automatically stop.", Cordelia explained.

"You're too tense, da. Lorne never is. That's why we take him seriously.", Wesley nodded.

Gunn stared. "Huh."

*

"Is he okay?", asked Gunn anxiously. "Is the baby okay?"

"Well, these symptoms usually start off later in the pregnancy, but it's just hormones. The baby is developing normally, and Wesley himself is fine. I understand he's usually very..."

"Tense?"

"I had another word in mind, but yes. I also understand that he's been...a little depressed."

"When I got home today, he was doing the laundry and bawling. He said that he didn't want me to leave him."

"That's actually not unusual", the doctor chuckled. "Mood swings and unusual cravings..."

"He's started craving blueberry scones. When he told me about that, he started laughing hysterically, saying something about emotional maturity."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes from "It's muffin time!"
> 
> -actually, it's 12:30.
> 
> -It's muffin time!


	21. Chapter Three: Truces And Longings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may want to skip this one. It's a whole chapter about the Sunnydale gang.

"So."

Ethan sighed. "So."

"You're dating Giles. How the hell did that happen?"

"We ran into each other at the Bronze. And no, I'm not kidding."

"Um. Okay. How did you get away from..."

"Let out on good behavior.", Ethan said quietly. He fiddled with his shirt. "Buffy, I know that you don't like me. And frankly, I don't like you either. But can we have a truce, for Rupert's sake? He loves the both of us."

Buffy sighed. "Okay. So...Giles loves you?"

"He says so", said Ethan, even quieter. "Honestly, I love him too. But sometimes I wonder if he's being truthful. He said so last time, too."

Buffy looked at his slumped posture, how he bit his lip. She would have never thought she'd feel sympathy for Ethan. "Ethan...Giles is..."

"I know. He's changed. So have I. It's just that...nobody except him has ever...and then he just left...oh, I shouldn't be talking to you about this", he sighed.

*

"And you actually felt bad for him?", asked Xand scepticaly. "Are you sure he isn't messing with you?"

"Yes. I don't forgive him for all the things he's done, yet. But I have a better idea of why he did them. Why he hated me and Jenny so much. It's like, if Anya just up and left you and then got married and had a kid. And she couldn't give you a good reason for it. And your reasoning and perceptions are wonky because you're on drugs at the time."

Xander winced. "I'd be pissed."

"See?"

Willow shook her head. "Okay, I get that. But why come back and turn Giles into a demon?" 

"I don't know. I didn't ask about that one. But I think turning Giles into a big, dumb, clumsy demon...well, that kind of speaks for itself."

Willow winced. "Ouch."

Xander was still suspicious. "I don't trust him."

"I think that's the problem."

*

Ethan leaned against Giles. "Buffy stopped by today."

"I hope there was minimal bloodshed.", Giles said, slipping an arm around him. 

"There wasn't any, actually. We talked. I don't think she trusts me, but we had a mutual agreement not to rip each others throats out."

"Really?", asked Giles. He smiled. "That's wonderful."

Ethan smiled tentitvly. 

They sat there for a while, snuggling. Giles finally asked "Are you all right?"

"Mm? I'm fine. Really."

"Ethan..."

"I love you. And...I always have. And I knew we're supposed to be past this, but I..." he sighed. "I want to believe that you love me too. But...you always said that. Before you gave me to the Initiative. That night...you said it...and I said it back. And then I forgot about the stupid spell, and you became a demon, and I snuck out, and then you tracked me down. And gave me to people who tortured me for kicks. Then I finally get out because they don't have any use for me any longer..." Ethan said all this in a quiet, hurt voice.

Giles had no idea what to say. "Ethan...I was...very very drunk that night. I'd forgotten all about us...falling into bed together. God, I'm such a hypocritical berk", he muttered under his breath. 

Ethan bit his lip. "You are."

Then he turned and gave Giles a long kiss. "But you're my hypocritical berk." the tone was questioning.

"Yes, I am", he said firmly. "I'm not going to leave you again. I promise."

Ethan nuzzled him. "Can we go to bed?"

Giles smiled slowly. "Why, Mr Rayne. You wouldn't be trying to proposition me, would you?"

Ethan answered that in a way that made Giles moan quietly. "All right, bed it is." he picked Ethan up bridal-style and carried him up the stairs.

*

 Spike lifted his cigarette to his lips. "Damn", he muttered. Below him, Xander bent over to pick up the stake he'd dropped.

Spike licked his lips. Xander...

Xander picked up the stake and scurried after Buffy and Willow. Spike growled softly. 

Xander practically had a neon sign with "Ignore Me" written on it. And people did. 

They didn't do it on purpose. Spike especially. But Xander always hid what he really thought, felt, and was, under a mask. And behind...

Anya. Spike curled his lip. He always felt a small amount of guilt that came from hating Anya so much. If she wasn't with Xander, he might even not hate her. But she was, so he did.

Xander, with his dark eyes and hair, his wide smile, and his almost infectious happiness. His quick wit and kind manner. Spike had noticed his looks from the very beginning. When Angel had offered Xander to him, he'd been struck.

The boy looked so...delicate. So fragile. This same boy, though, could calm a Slayer on PMS, handcraft a bookshelf, and was loyal to a fault. He would always stick to Buffy, be suspicious of anybody else around them. The boy had pack instincts, Spike could tell. Anybody outside the pack was considered a threat until they'd proven themselves. Xander might look delicate, but he had a protector's instincts.

Which often conflicted with the neon sign. Spike wondered what had forced him to develop that. He hoped to God it hadn't been what he'd been through. 

Xander was more than worthy to be a vampire's Mate. In fact, if they ever got together, it would probably be the other way around. But it would never happen.

Not with Anya around.

*

Buffy looked over her shoulder. "Hmm."

"Hmm?"

"I feel like we're being watched."

Willow sighed. "Spike?"

"I wish he'd get over his creepy crush on me. Yeah, great, I dated a vampire once. That doesn't mean I'm gonna fall into his arms. Besides. I'm taking a guy hiatus."

"You, Buff? Why?"

"It's just...with Giles and Ethan getting groiny" here Xander and Willow said 'eww' in unison "and Wesley somehow getting pregnant, I feel like...I need to just take a break from dating. It's all changing way too much."

"Actually, that makes sense.", admitted Willow. "But don't stay like that forever, 'kay? It's not healthy."

"I won't. Maybe if I had a steady relationship Spike would leave me be. In this weird way, though, I don't think he actually wants to hurt me. It's probably all because of the chip, but he's been...acting almost nice."

"Huh. Some crazy, whacked up sceme, probably."

"You're probably right. But if he's really...not being actively agressive, would it hurt to not actively threaten him?"

*

 "Mmm", sighed Rupert. "That was bloody amazing."

Ethan moved closer, giving him a kiss. "It was. Mm." he rolled over onto his back, basking in the afterglow. It was wonderful to be here again. After so many years...

He used to wake up in the morning, thinking that maybe Eyghon was all just a dream. That Rupert never left him, and he would roll over, try to snuggle into his shoulder, only to find that Rupert wasn't there. He would lay in the darkness, trying and failing to hold back tears, wishing that whatever he'd done to make Rupert leave he could undo. Sometimes it would get so, so bad that he would collapse in tears, curl up in bed and cry stupid tears all over himself. Those were the times when he tracked Rupert down. He always saw Buffy, always saw how much Rupert loved her. How fatherly towards her he was. 

Then he would inevitably do something horrible. Rupert would beat him up. Then he would leave and say, how could I have loved him. He hurts me, how can I miss him so much. He would attempt to harden his heart and force himself not to miss Rupert.

Then, he would wake up the next morning and think ' what a horrible nightmare.' He would roll over and expect to look into Rupert's face...

And the cycle would begin all over again. 

Ethan sucked in a harsh, shuddering breath. What if he was dreaming now? What if this wasn't real at all? What if, god, he was going to wake up expecting to be still wrapped in Rupert's arms and instead...

Rupert wrapped Ethan in a hug. "Your face just fell, dearheart. Are you all right?"

"Well..."

He hadn't talked about those days with Rupert at all. 

"Sometimes...I woke up and thought you were there. Back when we...weren't together. All those times we fell into bed together were a brief heaven, but in the long run they just made it worse because then I remembered how it felt."

Rupert was quiet. "Ethan..."

"Yes?"

"I've felt the same way several times. I've rolled over at night and expected to be able to hold you. But you aren't there."

Ethan rolled over to face him, hiding his face in Rupert's chest. "I cried every time it happened", he whispered. 

Rupert put tightened his embrace. "I'm sorry, darling", he murmured. "It's over now. We're okay."

Ethan drew in another shaky breath. "If I'm not here when you wake up, promise to call me. I mean it."

"I promise, but only if you call me if I'm not here."

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody have suggestions for future chapters?
> 
> And, if anybody has wondered, the baby shower's coming up!


	22. Month Four: Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some hot times. Some Lorne thinking times. Then Ophelia backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just plot and backstory. Skip if you want.

Wesley panted. He slipped out of the man below him, who moaned.

"Wes...that was...", Gunn murmured. Wesley rolled off, then snuggled up. 

"Mmm. It was.", Wesley mumbled. He put his arms around Gunn. "Thank you, Charles."

"You don' need to thank me. How many times do I have to say that?", Gunn sighed. "I like it when you do that, you know."

Wesley smiled and cuddled closer. "I know, I just...I'm so tired.", he mumbled.

Gunn chuckled. "Me, too." he wrapped Wesley up in his arms and yawned. "Let's go to sleep."

*

Lorne stood at the bar, listening to a red and green demon sing  _Jar Of Hearts._ He actually wasn't half bad.

Lorne loved this job. He loved how lost in the music he got, how every note, every syllable seemed to pull him in. Caritas was his home away from home. 

Home being, of course, the Hyperion. Angel had shyly asked him to move in two weeks ago. He had, of course. Lorne loved Angel more than he loved music. Which he hadn't thought possible.

He knew that he had the vampire wrapped around his little finger. He also had no idea how that had happened. He loved Angel, so much, so much that he sometimes thought he'd burst. And he had no doubt that Angel loved him; he could, literally, see it. But how had he gotten so devoted to Lorne? It was almost frightening, the last time he'd looked at Angel's aura. He had seen just how much Angel loved him. How he saw Lorne. Lorne hadn't had the courage to bring it up, which was unusual for him. But something like this...it seemed better to let it lie. 

"Krev! I need to get behind you!", came Ophelia's annoyed voice. Lorne jumped a little, moving so that she could get at the glasses. She shook her head. "Lost in thought over Angelkins?"

"Uh, no."

"Uh, yes. You totally were. I can read lips, remember. And yours were forming his name."

"Well, yes. So I was thinking about Angel."

"Awwwww. That's sweet", Ophelia said in a sticky sweet voice. Lorne fought the urge to roll his eyes. Ophelia was a great kid, but she loved to tease him. "You two should get married."

Lorne blinked.

*

"Honey, I'm home!", he shouted as he walked in. 

Angel ran to him, actually picking him up and spinning him around. "Hey, honey." he hugged Lorne tightly.

"Uh...sweetie...I do need to breathe..."

"Oh! Sorry!"

Ophelia ran inside, running up the stairs.

"She okay?"

"Yeah, she wants to hear about Liz. I'm pretty sure she's gonna have a new role model."

Angel shook his head. "I hope Liz is a good one. I don't want to see Ophelia get hurt."

"I'd step in before that happened."

Angel smiled at him. "You're a good brother."

Lorne smiled back. "Thanks. I try to be."

*

"Really? How was it?"

"The food was all stale, and our waitress was wearing all yellow. Seriously. She even had yellow eyeliner." Cordy shook her head. "It was weird. But we came for weird, so we got our money's worth."

Ophelia sat on the edge of the bed. "Huh. How many other people were there?"

"Just us. Added to the creepiness, but after growing up on the mouth of Hell, I can go to ten creepy resteraunts and not blink."

Aunt Cordy was a source of endless fascination. Now that she was out, she was very open about being a lesbian. She'd grown up on a Hellmouth. She had known a Slayer. To little Ophelia, Cordelia had done it all.

Ophelia had, as Krev would phrase it, a rough life. Orphaned at two, she had no memories of her parents. She had been sent to an orphanage, then later to foster parents who shouldn't have been in the program at all. The doctor called it 'forcefully repressed memory'. She had no recall of those years. Her memory began, hazily, about six years ago. Ophelia had been 11 when she had been sent to foster parents who actually knew how to take care of children. Mary and Dave were an elderly couple whos children had grown up and grandchildren that didn't visit often. She had been a wild card, she remembered vaguely, not behaving well at all. The therapist had told Mary and Dave that it was because she'd never gone to school and hadn't had a steady home in ten years. 

Life had begun to be...okay. For the first time in her life, Ophelia could settle down and start interacting with these people. Life was good until Dave died of old age. Mary took good care of her, and it was actually better for the both of them, because they could mourn Dave together. Mary followed Dave a year later, leaving Ophelia alone again.

Mary had actually died sitting right behind her, braiding her hair. Mary had been a hair stylist in her youth. A professional, she had gone to a special school and everything.

"To work with hair, you first need to have a passion for hair. You can't become a stylist of you don't love your work.", she'd told Ophelia. 

Mary had braided her hair every morning, and the kind, grandmotherly lady had always told her stories while she did it. Some made up, some remembered, some about customers that had come in to have their hair done.

After Mary had been buried, Ophelia was left with nowhere to go. The orphanage took her back in, and after a while somebody came to see her. 

It was about 7:00 at night, an hour until lights out. One of the nurses took her down to what had been dubbed  'the interview room'. She was told that a couple wanted to see her, and that only one of them had been able to make it.

When the man came in, Ophelia had raised her eyebrows.

His hair was short, and looked like it had been gelled. He wore a black coat, black shirt, black pants, and black shoes. He smiled at her, and sat down. In one of the kiddie chairs.

"Hi", he said. "I'm Angel. What's your name?"

"Uhh. Ophelia.", she said, still weirded out. "So...you and your wife want to...foster me?"

"Laurie was thinking more about adoption." he leaned closer. "I'm not sure how to say this, but...I know that you have experience with demons."

Her eyebrows shot up. "How do you know that?"

Mary had done the hair of more than just humans.

"Lo-Laurie knew your foster mother."

"Oh."

It had gone smoothly from there. Angel had turned out to be a nice guy, in fact an investigator. Almost like a policeman. 

When she had got into their car a couple weeks later, she was actually surprised to find a green, horned, red eyed demon sitting in the front seat. 

"Sorry for the pretense", Angel apologized. "I wasn't sure how they'd react to a gay couple adopting."

"I can't believe you told them my name was Laurie Wokdeth.", the demon grumbled. He turned around and smiled. His eyes, though red, were incredibly kind. "Hi! My name is...well, most people actually can't pronounce it. You can call me Lorne."

Ophelia and Lorne had hit it off at once. He was funny, kind and playful. A huge contrast to Mr Broodpants.

"Ate you two really a couple?", she'd asked halfway to her new home. 

"Yes", answered Lorne proudly. He turned to Angel, who was looking elsewhere and gave him a soft smile. That was all the answer she needed.

She had met Cordy a few days later. Cordelia was imediently her new best friend. To Ophelia, she was the coolest girl on the planet.

She'd met Wesley and Gunn the same day. She had actually thought that Gunn was kinda hot, but she saw the looks that he was giving Wes. Which were the same sort of look a that Lorne gave Angel. And vice versa. 

Gunn was nice, and she decided five minutes after they'd met that she liked him. Then she saw Wesley.

And thought, to her current shame, that he was a girl.

He looked like one. All slim and with the big blue eyes, and the pretty long eyelashes-

Okay, so she'd thought that he was hot too. And anyway, until he was introduced as Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, those looks that Gunn had been giving him made sense. Until the 'either gay or bi' part of her brain kicked in. Then they made sense that was hot.

She'd always thought, the Prince and Princess marriage is sweet. The Prince and Prince marriage is also sweet, but it's hot, too. That was the case with Wesley and Gunn.

She thought they would make a cute couple.

And recently? Them being all snuggly and cuddly?

Even cuter.


	23. Month Four: Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley has another doctor's appointment. Giles and Ethan have a...talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skip this explanation if you want. It has no effect on the story.
> 
> Okay. I know that I've made Wesley extremely OOC over the last couple chapters, and very clingy and needy. There is a reason for this.
> 
> Pregnancy is not something I have not and probably won't go through, but it is nevertheless a very stressful and vulnerable time. Wesley is a person who does not let people see him in a vulnerable state often, and he is usually very self-sufficient. Pregnancy, in my mind, being on its own a time where hormones are out of control, would probably change these aspects of Wesley's personality for a while. That, and a need to see Wes in a situation where he is vulnerable and somebody doesn't throw it in his face.
> 
> Thank you for listening to an old windbag rant and phycobabble.

"Hmmm...."

"Mmm."

"Nnn?"

"Mmm mmm.

"Hmm."

Gunn finally woke up all the way and yawned. He smiled at the picture Wesley made, sprawled out sleepily, half covered by blankets.

"Hey."

"Mmmmn. Hi...", Wes mumbled. He yawned and got up.

Both of them were used to the morning sickness by now. Gunn still hated to see his boyfriend bent over the toilet puking his guts out, but it was apparently a normal pregnancy thing. He hoped so.

Gunn herded Wesley back to bed and tucked him in. He went into the kitchen and made Wes some tea. He smiled as he worked, he really did like taking care of Wes. After Wesley was back on his feet, he would probably go back to taking care of himself, which was a small loss. But if that meant that Gunn got to watch as he bent over to load the dishwasher...

He hoped that he'd be around that long. He knew that they were technecly dating, and actively having sex. But still...should he move out? It wasn't just that it would be more convenient to live with his boyfriend. He wanted to help out with the baby, too.

 When Gunn brought Wesley his tea, he saw that the Englishman had fallen asleep. He chuckled and put it on the dresser. Wes fell asleep at the weirdest times. It was good that Cordelia had convinced him not to drive.

Gunn slipped back into bed with Wes, gently throwing an arm around him. 

He smiled, hoping that whatever Wes was dreaming about, it was good. Gunn pulled Wesley closer. This...this was good.

 *

Ethan pouted.

"No."

"But-"

"No, Ethan. You need to put her back."

Ethan pouted harder. "But look at her!" he shoved the kitten in Giles' face, which made him look cross-eyed.

Getting a closer look at the kitten, he could see that she was orange. She sniffed at his nose and meowed.

He had to admit, she was very cute. But the answer was still no.

Ethan had come inside bouncing, carrying something under his shirt. When he'd heard the purring, he had said "No."

Which had made Ethan pout.

"How can you say no to that face? I found her on the road, she was about to get squished. Please?"

"Kittens are very high matienence-"

"Didn't you say I needed to get a hobby?"

"...you would have to keep a very close eye on her-"

"I stay here all day!"

"...you'd have to know how to take care of her-"

"I can research!"

"Ethan, I'm trying to say no."

"I say no to that no! Please?"

One look into those big, pleading eyes had him complying.

*

Angel snickered.

Sneaking into Wesley's apartment with a camera was the best idea since mirowaved blood. 

Gunn rolled over, mumbling something about raspberries. Wesley snuggled him like a big teddy bear. 

 Angel snapped another picture, then set the camera to video.

Gunn hugged Wesley tighter, mumbling "Wes...marry me..."

Angel grinned. "What you are seeing here is the almost extinct species, Ex Watcher and Ex Demon Hunter, as well as their unborn offspring in their natural habitat.", he whispered to the camera as he zoomed in on the slight drool on Gunn's face. 

Wesley mumbled. "Sbdy say smthng?"

Angel froze. Keelomg absolutely still, he moved the camera to zoom in on Wes. Who opened his eyes.

"Angel? Why are you..."

He ran. 

*

"Gunn, wake up. Wake up!"

"Wha...?"

"Angel's here. He's got a camera", Wesley hissed.

"Mmmmm..."

Gunn rolled over and started snoring. Wesley got out from underneath him and went to find Angel.

He found him in the living room, sitting on the couch snickering. "You two are so cute", Angel said.

Wesley glared at him. "You filmed us?"

"Yes. I did.", said Angel said, with a proud smile. As if he had accomplished something.

Wesley glared harder. Angel seemed to be immune.

"So, I've got to take you to your doctor's appointment in an hour", Angel said, still with a shit-eating grin.

"All right..."

"So..."

"Angel, for God's sake, spit it out", Wesley snapped. 

"Hey! Why are you so mad?"

Wesley sighed, his anger gone as quickly as it had appeared. "I don't know", he admitted. "I've been having these stupid mood swings for months. I cry at the dumbest things, I get angry at nothing, and excuse me for a minute." Wesley ran to the bathroom. 

"And I have the constant infuriating need to relieve myself", he muttered. 

Just as he was...in the middle of...it, Angel opened the door and tried to come in.

" ** _ANGEL, GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT!"_** , Wesley bellowed. Angel ran out and shut the door.

*

Gunn groaned. He vaguely heard Wesley bellowing something, and a door slamming shut.

"What the Hell is goin' on out there?", he mumbled. He stumbled out the door and saw Angel standing next to the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry!", Angel said to the closed door. "I thought you were throwing up-"

Gunn heard the sound of a toilet flushing, then the door opened. Wesley stepped out, glaring at Angel. If looks could kill, Angel would be dust.

"I hate you", Wesley snarled at Angel. "You could hear the zipper of my jeans going down! Bloody Hell, you don't just open doors on people, especially a bathroom door!"

"What was going on?", asked a confused Gunn.

"Angel has to take me to a doctors appointment in an hour. We were talking, and I needed to pee. So I ran to the bathroom to pee. And Angel walked in right when I was doing that. So now I hate him." Wesley sounded like an angry, tired child.

Gunn glared at Angel. "Have you ever heard of privacy?"

*

"Ethan?"

"Mmm."

Giles chuckled. "Too worn out to move?"

"What can I say. That was, frankly, one hell of a workout. I'm not going to be moving for a week." Ethan rolled over, facing him. He grinned.

Giles smiled faintly, moving over to hug his boyfriend. "I love you, you know", he whispered, holding Ethan tight. 

"I know", murmured Ethan. "I love you, too."

"I know that you know. But sometimes I think you doubt. You're too apt to do that, dear. It's one of your very few unattractive qualities."

"I try not to. But...I can't help but think that I'm just not...desirable. Why would anybody, let alone you, want me?" Ethan sighed.

"Because...what am I going to have to do to let this soak in? How do I say it and make it stick? You have this...this huge inferiority complex, and I can't just kiss it better, though not for lack of trying."

Ethan sniffled. "I'm sorry. I just...I feel so...bad, lately. Maybe it's being around the children so often. They're so...untarnished. Pure. The only one I can relate to is Spike, and all he's interested in is Xander."

Giles was confused. "You mean Buffy."

"No. I mean Xander."

"What...what are you talking about?"

"Come on, Rupert. I know you'd seen it. Spike stares at his arse, practically sighs over him. He's terrible at hiding his intetest, though he probably thinks otherwise."

"Spike is...you're changing the subject. We were talking about you."

Ethan sighed. "Dearheart, there's nothing to talk about. I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts. It's probably getting to be that time of the month."

*

 "Can I feel the baby kick?"

"Not unless you're a kidney", Wesley said wryly. 

"Come on! Please?"

"Haven't you felt up my boy enough?", Gunn said, not looking up.

Wesley was sitting on a pillow on the floor, his back resting against the couch, where Gunn was sitting right above him. He had a leg on each side of Wesley, and was bending down to rub his shoulders. 

"Please?", Angel said, clasling his hands together. "I just want to feel my neice kick. That's it. Just this once. Promise."

Wesley sighed, looking up at Gunn. 

Gunn shrugged. "I don't like it, but it's your body. But if his hands get out of bounds-"

"I'll stake him. You're the only person that I like touching me like that", Wesley murmured, nuzzling Gunn. He turned back to Angel. "You get one shot. And if it doesn't happen in twenty minutes, I suggest that you somehow get Lorne to knock you up so that you can feel it for yourself."

Angel bent down and placed a hand on Wesley's belly. "I won't even touch skin."

Angel waited patiently for about eight minutes, then his daughter delivered a kidney shot that had him wincing.

"I felt it!", cried Angel, overjoyed.

"Good. Now kindly remove your hand from my midsection before I lop it off."

*

 "As far as I can tell, both mother and child are perfectly healthy.", said the doctor. "Have you been experiencing any questionable symptoms?"

"No, not really. Though..er...is an, ah, increased libido normal for a pregnancy?"

"Yes, though during the last few months, sex will be the last thing on your mind. I take it you and Charles are together?"

"Yes."

"He takes good care of you? I'm just a doctor, but I like to see that my patients are well cared for."

"Yes. He does."

"Good. Well, that's really all. Your pregnancy seems to be by the book so far."

 

Wesley left the examination room, nearly bumping into Angel who'd had his ear pressed to the door. 

"Uh, hi! Just...you know..."

Wesley sighed. "I'm fine. The baby's fine. Now please step aside and let me get to my boyfriend. I have this inexplicable urge to hug him to death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood swings are not fun.
> 
> And Ethan was JOKING, guys.


	24. Month Four: Triple Dates and Vampire Asses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fang Gang goes out for a night on the town. Wesley gets carsick, Liz thinks she's falling for Cordy, and Angel wants to have Lorne's baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINISHED!
> 
> *starts sobbing uncontrollably*
> 
> Ugh, I'm sorry. This stupid chapter would just NOT get done. I could not get inspired. Blegh.

"Date Night?", asked Cordelia skeptically. 

"It'll be fun", enthused Lorne. "We can formally get to know Liz, have some fun, and maybe I can finally get Angel out of the house."

"Oh? Is he brooding again?"

"He's...no. He's being...somebody put the idea into his head that he can get knocked up with my kid. Which is ridiculous, because he's dead and male. But the other way around..."

"Okay, SO not wanting to hear anatomical details."

"Sorry. But anyway, Date Night will be great, Cordy! I know it will."

He was so happy. Cordelia sighed. "I'll check with Liz." 

*

 Wesley stared at Angel.

Who stared back.

He finally said "What?"

Angel bit his lip. "Lorne...uh...suggested a triple date."

Wesley shook his head. "Absolutly not."

"It would be fun!"

"No it wouldn't."

"Aw, please?"

 Wesley considered. "If I agree, will you promise to pound any random strangers that are convinced my stomach is public property?"

"I can't. Lorne would frown at me. But I can convince Gunn to pound them for you. He might, anyway. That is one jealous boyfriend you got there."

"How would you react if people started to feel up Lorne?"

Angel growled, then sighed. "I see your point."

*

"Okay. We need some ground rules.", Gunn said as they drove. "Me and We made a list."

"No bars, clubs, excepting Caritas, or malls. No places where the non pregnant people can get alcohol, because I can't drink and that's not fair. No feeling me up in public. And finally, no stores that are specifically for pregnant women.", Wesley recited.

Cordelia groaned. "We can't go anywhere..."

 "We can go to a bookstore", suggested Liz.

"You would think of that."

They finally decided that Caritas would be a good place to start. Wesley was grumbly about having to wear the glamour ("I look like a girl." "You're supposed to.") so Cordelia let him take it off for the time being.

 As they went in, Lorne turned to Liz with a smile. "So, dumpling, we don't really know that much about you."

"Lorne, don't embarrass her."

"Don't worry", grinned Liz. "What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell."

"Well...I first realized that I was into girls when I started watching She Ra as a six year old. I had a huge crush on Glimmer, but I always thought that there was subtext between her and a couple others. Also, I never liked that creepy owl thing that could fly with its ears."

It was probably the longest sentence he'd heard her say so far.

"By the way, just out of curiosity...if you don't mind me asking, Wes, how did you get...you know."

"Preggers?", asked Cordelia.

Liz glanced at her, and Cordelia gave an 'all right, I'll behave' expression. "Yeah."

They wandered over to a table. "Well...there is a rare condition called intersexuality. It's where a person has both sexual organs. In most cases the person is compleatly unable to reproduce, but sometimes one of the organs in functional. I happen to be sterile as a male but viable as female."

"Huh. Kinda weird. So...is Chuck here the baby daddy?"

Angel laughed saying "Baby daddy?" at the same time Gunn said "Chuck?!"

"Er...in the sense that he did not impregnate me, he is not. However...if...that is, if he would want to...he is welcome to be this child's father."

Gunn smiled, giving Wesley a hug. "You know I'd love to. Didn't even gave to ask."

"Awwww", murmured Lorne.

"Is it really not possible for me to-"

"Yes, Angel. It's really impossible for you to have my baby."

Angel pouted at his boyfriend.

*

 "So...the no beer rule is gone a done with?"

"As long as nobody gets drunk. I am not driving y'all home puking.", snorted Gunn. "I let Wes puke on me. The rest of you find a trash can somewhere or don't get drunk."

"You let Wesley puke on you?"

"Well, no. But if he happened to do so accidentally, I would groan and clean it up. Probably feel put upon, but I'd do it."

"Man, you're whipped.", Liz said, shaking her head. "Already at that stage, huh?"

"Yeah, the morning sickness gets pretty bad. The nausea lasts all day, according to him."

"Wasn't what I meant, but while we're on the subject...how did you two meet?"

"Oh boy", said Gunn laughing. "He'd gotten hurt and was in the hospital. It was so bad that he was on morphine for the pain. Angel told me to watch him."

"Love at first sight?"

"Nah, but there was definantly lust. I thought the guy was damn hot, with those big blue eyes and that big smile..."

Liz wisely chose not to tell him that he looked like a love struck teenage girl. "So, when did the luuuuurve set in?"

"Mmm...about a year ago. There were these zombie cops...if you want the details ask Wes...and this one shot him in the gut."

"Ouch. That's...ouch."

"Yeah. We brought him to the hospital soon as we could, got him fixed up. Bullet almost hit his spine. Near miss. He was in a wheelchair for months. Anyway, same exact place. Me in one of those stupid plastic hospital chairs, him in the bed. And I didn't know if he was ever gonna wake up."

"He obviously did. Was that when..."

Gunn smiled. "Yeah. I was looking at him, thinking what it was gonna be like if he didn't wake up. And I realized that I didn't want him to go.

And when he woke up, he looked up at me with those big damn eyes."

 *

They were cute together.

She'd met Angel under circumstances that were less than desirable, but he was...nice.

Lorne even more so. If she weren't a lesbian, and he wasn't committed...

Angel was very broody, and looked depressed most of the time. But when he was with Lorne, he actually looked like he wasn't constipated. He looked happy.

So did Lorne, even more so than usual. He was very affectionate to everybody, she was noticing. But especially Angel.

And Wesley...she didn't know what he was like when he wasn't pregnant, but he seemed to be a very sweet, shy guy. Intelligent. And very..nuzzly. 

Gunn seemed to be nice, too, but he was always watching Wes out of the corner of his eye. Making sure nobody put the moves on him. Possessive. He was very touchy with Wes, always had a hand on his shoulder or hip. They had obviously been friends before their relationship. 

Wesley seemed nervous, but she didn't know whether that was from the hormones or just a personality trait. He seemed to be moderently comfortable in Caritas, though.

*

Mmmmm...

Spike bent down, grumbling, to pick up an unlit cigarette he'd dropped. This was probably a new form of evil vampire torture.

Spike bending down was good and bad. Good, because Xander got to look at his ass, but bad, because Xander got to look at his ass. 

He knew that he shouldn't be checking out the evil vampire anyway. Spike was chipped, he was helping out. Great. He was still evil.

And Xander loved Anya. He really did. But he had figured out a while ago that he loved her, but didn't  _love_ her. It was confusing. Until Xander remembered Oz. 

Willow had loved Oz, she'd made that clear. But she loved Tara, too. And she  _loved_ Tara, whereas she didn't  _love_ Oz. There was a diffrence, and it was complicated. But love isn't easy.

Definitly not with him. He averted his eyes as Spike stood back up. Giles went on talking about the demon with some Latiny name Xander couldn't care less about. What was he going to do? Sex with Anya was great. Better than great. Amazing. But he just...didn't...the spark just wasn't there. Not like Willow and Tara. Not like Buffy and Angel, which he winced to think about. 

Maybe that was the reason he was checking out evil vampire asses. He was looking for a way out. Simply put, he was bored.

Bored of a relationship that mostly revolved around sex, not talking. Bored of Anya only talking about money when they  _did_ talk. Just bored.

He had tried to get that spark. Talking instead of...things. Going out. Doing big romantic gestures, or at least trying to, given that he had no experience in them. But it just wasn't there.

He sighed as Buffy started talking over Giles, interrupting his rant. His life sucked.

*

 "This sucks", complained Cordelia.

Wesley had to agree. 

They were stuck in traffic, which was almost unheard of at night. He was starting to feel nauseous, and he had the rather pathetic urge to crawl into Gunn's lap. 

Gunn was driving, cursing under his breath at random intervals. Or, rather, trying to drive. 

He didn't know why, exactly, traffic was so held up. If he opened his eyes and didn't spend all his energy on not throwing up, he'd throw up.

The night had been great. After spending an hour or so at Caritas, they had gone to Angel and Lorne's choice of place. Which turned out to be a movie theater showing The Exorcist.

He had learned that Liz loved scary movies for the sole reason that whenever Cordelia got scared (and that took a lot) she would grab onto Liz.

Then, Liz and Cordelia's choice of place. Which had turned out to be a vegetarian resteraunt. 

That had been fun, too, in its own way. Now they were going to drop off the girls at Cordelia's flat, and then drop off Angel and Lorne at the hotel. Ophelia wouldn't be there that night, since she was sleeping over at a friend's house.

Then he and Gunn would go to their flat and sleep.

Unless this traffic lasted all night.

"God f***in' dammit", Gunn swore under his breath. Wesley hunched down in his seat and willed himself to hold it in.

And almost didn't when there was apparently a break in the line, and Gunn went whizzing down the street. "Thank God!", Gunn exclaimed. "I thought that was gonna last for hours."

Wesley pressed a hand against his mouth, and held another against his belly. 

His daughter kicked, which unfortunately made him more uncomfortable. He tried not to make any noise.

And he suddenly had to go to the bathroom.

Was there anything that could make this situation any worse?

"Hey, Gunn? Wesley's not looking so good."

*

 Ethan yawned, slowly getting out of bed. He felt awful.

He was sore from last night, but that was a pleasant sort of soreness. Putting a hand to his hip, he smiled, remembering the way Rupert had licked the side of his face as he drove in, arms around Ethan to make sure he didn't move. And why would he want to?

No, the feeling had more to do with the nausea. He'd been feeling it ever since the Initiative threw him out. He had assumed that it was a remaining side effect of being expirimented upon. It was worst in the mornings, but lasted pretty much all day.

It was a much better alternative than being tortured, however, and Ethan took it in stride. 

*

"He looks like he's about to puke, cupcake", Lorne said worridly. 

"Wes? You okay?" asked Cordelia. Gunn glanced at Wesley then stared. His boyfriend was hunched down in his seat, issuing barely heard whimpers, hand against his mouth. 

"Do I need to stop?"

Wesley nodded frantically.

Gunn pulled over to the side of the road and unbuckled his seatbelt. Wesley scrambled at his before finally pulling it off, then bolted out. Gunn pushed open his door and ran out. 

Wesley was on his knees, kneeling in the grass and retching. Gunn put a hand on his back. He rubbed soothing circles on his boy's back as Wesley threw up in the grass.

When he was done, he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his mouth. "Th-thank you."

Gunn took his hand and helped him up, then went back to the car. Angel, Lorne and Liz were out.

"I'm going to drive, and Lorne will sit in the passenger seat", Angel whispered. 

Gunn nodded and led Wesley to the back. Cordelia was holding up a small blanket, sitting up against the wall. Wesley got in and slid along until he was next to Cordy. Then Gunn got in, and Liz after him, shutting the door. 

Gunn slid along until he was near enough that Wes could put his head in his lap. Cordelia had wrapped the blanket around Wesley's shoulders, and was rubbing his back. Gunn patted his lap and Wesley slid down, sighing.

*

Poor Wes. 

Liz had only known him for a few days, but she had winced in sympathy when he'd thrown up. 

Now, she couldn't help being a little bit jealous as Cordelia rubbed his back. But she caught sight of the look on her girlfriend's face.

It was pure sympathy.

Liz wondered if this was what falling in love felt like.

*

"Nnnn", Ethan groaned.

Giles turned to him. "That wasn't a happy groan. What's wrong?"

"Sorry. I feel so damn sick. I think I'm coming down with something."

"I'm sorry, luv. Can I get you anything?"

"You can cuddle me. That would make it better."

Giles moved closer to Ethan, wrapping hos arms around the man, giving him a kiss. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anybody was wondering, yes, intersexuality IS a real condition. I don't know if cases like this actually happen, but this is fanfiction. If you happen upon this and wonder about my sanity, check out a fic called Aurora on fanfiction.net, by Anonymouschickadee, that's the story that inspired this fic. The only reason I didn't put that down before is that I'm not sure if you can do that if the fic is in a different place. It's not here in the Archive.
> 
>  
> 
> And as a side note, what's wrong with Ethan?
> 
> I plan to have at least one more character pregnant during this story. And since I'm twisted and weird, it's going to be mpreg. So, I want to hold a vote. Lorne or Ethan? It has to be one. If I don't get feedback, I'm going to go ahead and make it Ethan. And YES, there's going to be a reasonable explanation for it. So, comments. Ethan or Lorne?


	25. Month Four: Kittens And Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena gets up to mistcheif. And Xander thinks everybody's crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Novileigh voted Ethan for the mpreg pole. I have decided that, if there are no cries of outrage and disgust in the next chapter(next chapter ONLY, and once I post the chapter after that, it will be staying if there are no serious objections in chapter 26) Ethan will be the pregnant one. THIS DOES NOT MEAN that I will not implement Longel mpreg eventually. I have been planning on that. Okay? Everybody good? On with the kittens!

"Take the blueberry scones to the dance floor and get jiggy with it."

Gunn stared at his sleeping boyfriend.

"There are so many things wrong with that sentence", he muttered. Wesley rolled over in his arms, murmuring half spoken words. 

This was...pretty damn perfect. Lying here, holding Wes in his arms. 

He wondered if they should be thinking about baby names, or if it was too soon. Probably too soon.

Wesley mumbled something about 'pretty roses', and Gunn shook his head and fell back to sleep.

*

"Awwww", murmured Willow.

Buffy wrinkled her nose.

Giles and Ethan were snuggled up on the couch, a tartan blanket over them. There was a small kitten lying on top of Ethan, and looked like she was milk-treading his chest. 

"Actually, that's kind of creepy", murmured Buffy.

Xander shook his head. "How did the kitten get in here?"

"Well, I noticed a water and food dish the other day behind the couch, so she's probably theirs.", whispered Willow. 

"Somehow, I just can't imagine Giles with a kitten."

"I can't imagine Wesley the Whiner being pregnant, but he somehow is."

Xander shook his head. "I've got a theory on that. Cordelia isn't that fond of us. She might have been playing a joke on us."

"Giles was being all squealy yesterday because Angel sent him pictures."

Xander choked. "Pictures? Angel? I need to see these."

"I don't know where he put them..."

"Xena, don't lick daddy's face, please, I've seen where that tongue has been."

All three adults stared at Ethan, who was pushing the meowing kitten off of his face. He looked at them. "Dammit."

Willow leaned forward. "So...snuggly time happen a lot?"

"Yes, actually. My favorite part of the day, and I have no idea why I just told you that. Take this feline, please. The places that tongue has been aren't pretty."

Willow scooped up the kitten, who yowled her annoyance. "Aw. What's her name?"

"Xena. Why are you lot here?"

"We'll tell you if you give us the pictures."

"Buffy!"

"What?", shrugged Buffy. "I actually want to see them. Besides, I can't take all the cuteness, there. It's literally scorching my eyeballs."

*

"Mmmm."

Wesley somehow kept his tongue in Gunn's mouth the whole time Angel was talking and he hadn't noticed.

"Hey! I need Gunn not to be distracted."

"Sorry."

"As I was saying, the lady's nephew is possessed. She's got him locked up and everything, all we need to do is go over there and preform the exorcism."

Gunn looked up. "Isn't that more the kind of thing Wes is good at?"

"Yes."

Gunn shook his head. "Absolutely not. No. I am  _not_ putting him in danger like that."

 "I'm not entirely incompetent.", Wesley muttered.

Gunn unconsciously put an arm around Wesley, and told Angel "I am not going to endanger him. He's not going."

"Gunn...he won't even have to be in the room with the thing."

"So? It could-"

"It's tied up. In an enclosed space. With a locked door."

"Well-"

"You can't protect them from everything", Angel finished quietly. 

Gunn looked torn. "I can try."

"You'll get them killed."

Gunn gulped. He looked at Wes. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Wesley hugged him, burying his face in the soft material of his boyfriend's sweatshirt. "I know. But I think I really am the only one who can do this. And I want to help."

*

"Woah.", murmured Buffy. "That's Wesley?"

In the picture, he was leaning against a wall, a hand on his distended belly. His hair was shorter and wasn't slicked back. He was also barefoot and looked...perfectly content. 

Xander shook his head. "I...wow. I never thought."

 Ethan murmured "If you're all quite done, I'd like to get on with sleeping. Take the pictures with you."

*

 Gunn was still worried sick.

He did  _not_ want Wesley here. The possessed guy was making a racket, screaming and swearing, and it was making all of them unnerved. What if he got out? What if he hurt Wes? Not to mention the baby. 

Wes was halfway through the exorcism, but Gunn wasn't paying that much attention. He was paying more attention to Wes himself, blocking out everything else. 

Damn it, Angel could have done the thing himself. Why did they need Wesley to put himself in danger? 

*

Ethan groaned. "Uuugh."

"Are you all right, darling?"

"No", Ethan sighed. "I still feel awful. It's...terrible. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Haven't done that in ages."

Giles stared at him. "How long has this been going on?"

"About a month. I assumed that it was leftover from the experiments. Who knows what the bloody berks did to me.", Ethan murmured. He pulled up the blankets further over them both and snuggled further into Giles' arms. 

"Ethan...why didn't you tell me?" he was hurt. Ethan had been feeling this awful for an entire month and hadn't told him?

"Told you. Thought it was leftover...crap. Didn't want to worry you."

Giles kissed the top of his head. "Ethan, if something like this is going on, you should, by all means, worry me. It's my job to worry and fuss over you. You've gone on far too long without somebody to worry about your welfare."

Ethan sniffed. 

Giles sighed. "What can I do to help?"

Ethan considered. "This helps. Rather a lot. But candy corn would help, also."

*

Gunn was so relieved that they'd left that damn place. They had gotten paid, too, but the best thing was that Wesley was fine.

He snuggled his boyfriend in the backseat of Angel's car, murmuring how glad he was that Wes was okay, in between kisses. Wesley was eagerly responding.

"Hey, no sex in my car", called Angel. 


	26. Month Four/Month Two: Doctor's Appointments And Plane Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow tests Ethan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! This is done! I will not be posting again unti Tuesday to give everybody some time to decide if they want to vote for this chapter staying the same or the Ethan mpreg not appearing at all. If these are outright flames or just people that are being Ethan haters, they do not count as votes. I really want the people who are onto this story so far (if anybody is) to vote. I have not gotten flames so far. Sorry if this note offended anybody, I am just trying to get opinions. You are all great.

"Dear Lord. I don't want to do this", muttered Ethan. 

Willow held the object in front of him. "We need to do this. It's the only way to find out what's wrong with you."

Ethan actually whimpered. "What if I'm dying?"

"Then we'll find some way to fix it. We only have a day before we have to be at the airport. Come on, Ethan. You're probably fine.", soothed Willow.

Ethan took the stick. "You can really test my...urine to find out what's wrong?"

"Yes. Not 100% accurate, but it's the best I can do in a day. Go on, go into the bathroom."

*

Wesley panted, giggling. "Good god."

Gunn smiled blearily. "Mmmmm...that was good..." he sighed. He slipped an arm around the sweaty man beside him. "Man. That was damn good."

"Definitly", murmured Wesley. "Mmmm."

Gunn slipped a hand down into the blankets to feel the baby moving around. "You're gonna be a soccer mom for sure, English."

"She certainly is active. Though she will be tutored in the proper usage of sports names. It's football, not soccer."

Gunn shook his head. "Not gonna argue with a pregnant guy over this. Hormones will kick in and I'll get a pillow in the face."

Wesley laughed.

*

Angel sighed. "Why?"

"Honey...you're...well, dead. And male."

"Wesley's male."

"Wesley's intersex. That's different", Lorne explained patiently. "Angelcakes...we could adopt, if you really..."

"Not the point", sighed Angel. "I just...damn it, Lorne, I love you. And I want to have an expression of that love that is...tangible. Alive. Besides that...I want to..."

"Being pregnant isn't all it's cracked up to be, sweetie.", murmured Lorne. "I'm sure that there are times that Wes does like the expirience, but mostly...it's not pleasant." 

Angel smiled wryly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be difficult. I just..."

"I know, cream puff. I love you, too.", Lorne murmured, taking Angel's hand and squeezing it.

*

Ethan waited impatiently. "Well? Am I dying?"

Willow stared at the enchanted stick, which was glowing a soft yellow (literally glowing. With lights.) and shook her head. "Um...why don't we...uh...try this again." she took another ordinary stick, and murmured the incantation to enchant it. "Here. Try it again."

Willow opened the book agaon, which clearly dictated what the stick glowing yellow meant. "How can this be?", she muttered in confusion. Ethan left to go into the bathroom to test himself again.

Willow shook her head. "How can this be? Ethan is male!"

She stared at the page as if willing it to change. The page that clearly said, in plain English, that if the stick glowed yellow you were pregnant.

*

He came out ten minutes later with the fourth test. "This one is yellow, too. Am I dying or not?", he demanded.

Willow shook her head. "Um...Ethan, you had better sit down."

Ethan plopped down on the couch. "What?"

"I don't know how to break this to you gently...so...um...you're pregnant, Ethan."

Ethan slumped in his seat in a dead faint.

*

"Okay. Only two days until the baby shower. Have we got the room ready?", asked Cordelia, poking her head in.

Angel finished tying a bow to the teddy bear. "Pretty much."

"Good. Have we got the food?"

"Blueberry scones, lemons, and actual food for the non pregnant people, check!", called Liz, fluffing up a pillow.

"Have we got the baby stuff that the stupid boys didn't buy because they're too wrapped up in playing kissy face?"

"Check!", called Lorne. 

"Okay. We can vacate the room and lock it. Good job, everybody!"

*

Willow knocked on the door. "Sweetie? Do you need some help?"

After three minutes spent alternately bursting into tears and denying that this was happening, Ethan had insisted that they get non magical pregnancy tests. 

Only two of them were negative, and they were ones that turned out to be broken.

Ethan sank to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. "I can't be. M'too old anyway.", whimpered Ethan. "Old enough to be a grandfather. Can't be pregnant."

He tried not to think too much about it, but since he was in full view of eight positive pregnancy tests, it proved futile. He whimpered, which slowly turned into a sob.

*

Willow heard Ethan start crying behind the door. "Ethan, sweetie, it's okay. Really. Come on, honey, let me in."

"No", he choked out. "Can't be. No", he wept. 

Willow muttered a swearword and rammed into the door, breaking it open. "Sweetie. Come here."

"No", he said, his voice hoarse. He clutched his stomach and curled up. "No."

Willow put her arms around the shaking man and held on. "It's okay. You're okay. You're okay.", she whispered. "It's not the end of the world. I promise. You're okay."

*

Ethan was still shaking so bad at the end of the day that he stayed with her. She had come to accept the man long before the other two, and looked upon him as a friend.  

Poor man was shaking so bad that he couldn't even change clothing. With Xander or even Buffy she would have helped them, but with Ethan it was too weird for her. So he stayed in jeans. 

She slept on the couch while putting him to sleep on her room. 

She wondered how situations like this always came when it was winter, spring or fall and never in the summer.

*

Giles wondered why Ethan looked so nervous and scared. It couldn't be because he was going to be with people he hardly knew, he'd been looking forward to that. 

Was it because they were in the air?

Willow had been watching Ethan with clear concern. He knew that he had stayed with Willow the other night, but nothing could have happned, could it?

Buffy hissed at Willow from the seat behind him "What's up with Ethan?"

"Buffy...I'll tell you later. With his permission. It's um...kind of personal. He's really freaked out about it."

Giles slipped an arm around the man next to him, trying to offer some form of comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to clear up any confusion about the pairings of this story: Willow is in a committed relationship with Tara, dispite her not making it into this chapter. Willow is feeling sisterly concern for Ethan, and I think that if anybody started sobbing behind a bathroom door, Willow would probably go to comfort them.


	27. Month Four/Month Two: Baby Shower Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People get ready for the baby shower, Ethan tells Giles about the baby, and Buffy prepares to face Angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got inspired!
> 
> By my own depression.
> 
> Sucks to be the Boy.
> 
> This chapter is finished! Woohoo!

Giles woke up to the sound of somebody retching.

He got up and got to the bathroom, before he found the door locked. He knocked on it but there was no answer.

He heard the toilet flush and the sound of Ethan crying and trying to stifle it. He pounded on the door. "Ethan, are you okay? Let me in."

No answer.

He banged on the door harder. "Ethan! Let me in, what's wrong?" he was worried. What was wrong? Why wasn't he answering?

There was a muffled whimper behind the door. "Go'way."

"Ethan, let me in", he pleaded. "I just want to help."

The lock slowly, jerkily unlocked. Giles stepped in and stared.

Ethan looked horrible. He'd obviously been there for hours, and was lying shirtless on the tile. He raised his head when Giles came in and managed a sickly smile that somehow made him look worse.

"Ethan...what happened?", he asked, kneeling by his boyfriend. "You look..."

Ethan tried a laugh which sounded more like a cackle than he was obviously comfortable with, as he soon stopped. He sniffed. "M'fine."

Giles put a hand to Ethan's clammy face. "You're not fine, dear. You're obviously sick."

Ethan tried to push his hand away. "Not sick."

Giles put his arm around Ethan. "I think you are. Do you need to-"

"Don't need a hospital", snapped Ethan. He tried to get up. Giles stopped him. 

"I think you do."

Ethan scrambled out of his arms and leaned against the wall. "No. No. Willow said I'm safe."

"Willow? Does Willow know why you're...sick?"

Ethan mumbled and nodded. Giles sighed and got up. "Do you want me to call her? Is there something...", he trailed off.

Ethan shrugged. "Okay." his voice was very small. He hunched up and looked like he was going to cry.

 *

"Everything almost ready?", asked Ophelia. She was bouncing, looking giddy. She kept running back and forth, fixing bows, untying and retying things, and moving things. She had dictated the order of pretty much every thing in the room, down to the sheets on the bed and the paint on the walls.

Lorne grinned. "Pretty much. We just have to wait for the guests, and Cordelia's keeping Wes and Gunn occupied while they get here."

Ophelia grinned, bouncing over to her brother/guardian. "Do you think it's gonna work out?"

"What do ya mean, cinnamon bun?"

 "The room. Do you think they'll take it?", Ophelia fussed with another bow while she talked. 

 "Of course they will. It's perfect. You did a great job, honey."

Ophelia rolled her eyes. She gave Lorne a hug and went over to fiddle with the curtains.

*

"Willow? Can you come over?", Ethan heard Rupert say on the phone in the next room. "Something's wrong with Ethan. I think he's sick but he insists he's not. Can you...thank you." he heard Rupert sigh with relief.

Ethan curled up on the tile. He was feeling better than he had five minutes ago, but he was still miserable.

Dear god. How could he be...it wasn't possible. At all. With that Wesley fellow, he was apparently intersex. Ethan was 101% percent male. He didn't have a womb for God's sake! And now he was throwing up in the morning and crying for no reason all over the damn floor.

"Ethan? Willow's coming over. She says she knows what's wrong."

Ethan nodded. Rupert sighed and came into the bathroom. He sat down next to him and put an arm around Ethan.

Who sniffed and moved closer, hating the feel of being so damn needy. Rupert simply held him, not saying a word, which Ethan was greatful for. 

Five minutes later there was a knock on the hotel room door.

"We're in here"  called Rupert. Ethan sniffed again.

Footsteps were heard, then Willow walked into the tiny bathroom. "Hey, Ethan. How're you doing?", she asked quietly. 

Ethan chuckled. "Terrible. Any further ideas on how the hell this happened?"

"I have some theories, but let's talk about that later. What's wrong?"

"Misirable. And tired. And...miserable. And dizzy. Did I mention miserable?"

"Several times", sighed Willow. "It's perfectly normal-"

"I know that. Rupert doesn't. Talk to him. Can I throw up again? Anybody object?"

Nobody outright objected, so Ethan crawled over to the toilet and let loose again.

*

"What the Hell is wrong? Is he sick? What the bloody Hell is going on?", Giles hissed at Willow. 

 "Um...this would be much less shocking coming from him."

"No it wouldn't!", yelled Ethan from the bathroom between bouts of vomiting. 

"It would be better, though."

Giles glared at her. "Willow, I will ask nicely one more time. What the bloody Hell is wrong with my boyfriend?"

"Morning sickness", cringed Willow.

"Mor- Willow, that only occors in pregnant women."

"Less with the 'women'", groaned Ethan.

"Well...um...Ethan is pregnant."

Giles burst out laughing.

*

Xander had glared when he and Anya had been made to share a room with the Fangless Wonder.

He was still glaring in the morning. He glared at the window, the floor, the bed, that weird lady beside him...oops, that was Anya. He glared at his hands.

Spike snored on the floor, oblivious to everything.

*

"Ethan, why didn't you tell me?"

"It was the day before we got on the plane! We had to get up early, get on the bloody plane and it wasn't like I could just announce I was knocked up when we were 500 feet in the air!"

"You should have told me!", Rupert fumed. "How could you just not tell me?"

"First you think it's a joke, and then you start yelling at me!"

"I'm not yelling!"

"Yes you are!"

"Goddamn it. Ethan  _for once in your bloody life just shut up!",_ Rupert shouted.

Ethan cringed as though slapped. He closed his mouth tightly and started walking to their shared hotel room.

"Ethan-"

He kept walking and shut the door. He locked it and muttered a spell that would make it stick.

He had no idea why he was so upset. He wasn't even this upset when the conversation began. He chocked out a sob and began to cry, stretched out on the bed. He cried until he couldn't breathe.

He felt rather than heard the door opening. Soft footsteps walked to the bed and then somebody climbed up on the bed with him.

"No"

Willow shushed him softly and held him. Ethan continued to cry in jerky, almost hysterical bouts. It was almost more like laughing than crying and it scared him a little.

"Shhhh.", she soothed.

*

Giles banged his head against the wall.

It hurt.

Good.

Why did he yell at Ethan like that? He was obviously scared and lost. He didn't need Giles screaming at him, making it even worse.

Oh, god. Ethan was pregnant. Dear god.

"Giles?"

He turned to see Willow, holding the hand of a trembling Ethan. "I'm so sorry."

"We have an hour before we need to get to the baby shower. I think you two should talk."

She walked Ethan over to Giles, who held onto him. "I'm so sorry. I over reacted, and that wasn't fair to you", murmured Giles.

Ethan sniffed. "S'okay. Jus...hold me."

*

"Cordelia, why are you here?", grumped Gunn. "I just want to snuggle with my boy."

Wesley smiled in his sleep and yawned, murmuring nonsense. 

"We have an hour before we need to get to the hotel."

"Is it a case?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah. One that we need both of you for. So get ready! Dress nice!"

"Why-"

"Because! It's a fancy, um, place!"

She walked out of the bedroom, calling back over her shoulder, "And wake up your boyfriend! Make him wear that Baby On Board shirt I got him!"

*

Buffy huffed. "I still kind of wish we hadn't exepted that invite."

"Nervous about seeing Angel again?", asked Willow sympathetically.

"Yeah...and...well, I don't actually want to see Wesley again. I mean, he was a total dork, and not in the good way."

Giles coughed. "You should give him a chance, Buffy."

Ethan said nothing, simply squeezing Giles' hand. 

A teenage girl with bright purple hair opened the hotel door. "Hi! I'm Ophelia! Welcome to the-you are the baby shower guests, right?"

Buffy, slightly shocked said "Uh...yeah..."

"Come in, come in!"

The group came in carefully, most so Spike who had a blanket over his head. "I'll show you to the room we'll be having the party in, and introduce you to everybody. By the way, if anybody tries to slay my brother, I will not hesitate to tell Angel to bite you.", she announced, in the same cheerful voice. 

Ethan found himself liking the girl. 

They went up a staircase into a hallway with rooms on either side. Ophelia led them to the room marked 111 and opened the door.

"Okay! Here are the guests, everybody. This is my brother Lorne, and his future husband Angel, and here's where the light switch is...you, blond chick, can you position yourself next to it? Thanks, hon."

Spike shook his head. He did as the girl asked, wondering how she had mistaken him for a girl.

*

"Where is everybody?", asked Wesley in confusion. Cordelia shrugged.

"They're upstairs. Don't get distracted." she grabbed his hand and dragged him up the stairs. Gunn rolled his eyes and quickened his pace.

"Why would they be up here?"

Cordelia opened the door to room 111 and shoved Wesley in. 

The lights came on in a flash and Ophelia shouted "Surprise!"


	28. Month Four/Month Two: Baby Shower Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy talks to Angel, Xander talks to Cordy, and Ethan makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Spander warning ahead to people who don't think that our favorite bleach blond vampire should be tonguing our favorite Scooby. And no, folks, I don't mean Buffy.
> 
> Wheeeeee! This chapter is officially done. I feel giddy.

Buffy was actually having fun.

There was food. There was stuff. And watching Wes open gifts was actually pretty entertaining. 

Seeing him...

Was definitely weird, though. For one thing, he was, um, definitely pregnant. Which was weird, and slightly creepy. But he mostly just seemed so...happy. He smiled a lot, and actually hugged Angel. And, uh, Giles.

Who had looked very shocked, and slightly pleased. That was all of the good.

"Buff?", hissed Xander.

"Mmm? Yeah?"

"Uh...do you think I should...talk..."

"Xander, I don't think talking to your ex would be of the bad. Cordelia seems like she's fine, and besides, she invited us. Go talk."

Xander sighed, and wandered off to find her.

*

Liz nuzzled Cordy contentedly. "Everything seems to be working out."

Ophelia grinned. That girl had huge teeth. "I'm really glad. Damn, Angel's making out with my brother again. I gotta go chaperone."

She marched off to the corner the two men were in to stop the naughty touching. Or imagined naughty touching.

"Uh...Cordy?"

Xander stood by the table they'd dragged up that held the chips. He looked awkward and embarrassed.

"Xander. Uh, hey. Hi."

Liz glanced at the two of them. "This my cue?"

"No.", Cordelia told her firmly but gently. "Stay."

Xander noticed her. "Oh! Hi. I'm Xander."

"Hi, I'm Liz. Are you uh...an...ex?", she asked awkwardly.

Xander nodded. "Uh...yeah. I just wanted to, uh...say hi. So...hi!"

Cordelia smiled. "Hi. Uh, how have you been?"

"Good. Good."

They all stood there awkwardly.

"Well... _that_ is definitely my cue", announced Liz. "I'm gonna go get some food, 'kay? I'll even get enough so I can still eat after you steal off my plate."

"That was once!"

"That was eleven times, twelve if you count the time that's coming up", Liz laughed and walked off.

"So..."

"So."

Xander gulped. "I'm glad you're happy in L.A. You are happy, right?"

"Yeah.", she said, looking after Liz. "I'm, uh, I'm really good."

Xander started. "Oh! Oh. I know that look."

She snapped her eyes back to him. "Huh?"

"Uh...from Willow. Crush or girlfriend?"

She smirked. "Girlfriend. How'd you know?"

"The way you looked at her. Just took a while to register. Willow, she uh, she's with Tara. Tara's staying with Anya back at the hotel. Kinda shy."

Cordelia nodded. "You don't have a problem with it?"

"Honestly, I don't have the right. You're in another place, and I don't have the right to judge. Uh...Jesse, though...always thought that you and Willow hated each other a little two much."

Cordelia laughed. "Jesse? God, when did he start thinking that? Middle school?"

"High school. He, said uh, he caught you 'checking her out', though I said you were probably checking the tag on her jeans to see where she bought them."

"Huh. Maybe I was checking her out."

Xander slapped a hand to his forehead. "You know what I just thought?"

"What?"

"Two out of the four girls I've been with turned out gay. What does that say about me?"

*

Buffy watched Xander walk off to find Cordy. Should she try and find her own ex?

Every time she talked to Angel, it ended up being so awkward. But she couldn't just...not talk to him. She was pulled toward him, and she knew it was the same for him. It was like magnets, they were inevitably attracted and at the same time repulsed through their basic natures.

She scanned the room for him and found him sitting with the green guy. What was his name...Lorne? 

She started towards them, drawing breath to call out, when-

Angel leaned toward Lorne who leaned toward him. Their noses gently bumped and they sat like that for a moment before kissing.

_Kissing._

They kissed gently for a minute before Angel put his arms around Lorne and putting more passion into it. The way he'd used to kiss...

She couldn't think about that. God. Her brain had frozen, she didn't know what to-

"Hey!", called a frustrated female voice.

The girl with the purple hair...Ophelia? Marched toward them. They ignored her.

She called out again. "Hey! You two! I  _told_ you. No naughty touching!"

Angel broke the kiss. He looked mildly annoyed. "We weren't being naughty."

"Oh, sure. That's a stake in your pocket, and it's stuck, and Lorne's going to get it out before you stab yourself."

Lorne removed his hand, from where it had been in Angel's lap. "Sorry."

"I can't help it! He's sexy!", said Angel in a low voice. "Every time he walks into the damn room, it happnes! I can't control it. Boom, instant erec-"

"Ulp."

The three of them looked straight at her.

"Um. Sorry", she squeaked.

"Hey, you're Spike, right?"

Buffy stared at the girl, her mouth open. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry. I, um. Spike is female, right?"

"No. 100% guy. Really, Ophelia..."

"Sorry. Sorry. I...oh! You're Buffy."

"Yeah."

"Sweetie, why don't you-"

"I'll go...talk to the guy in the glasses."

Lorne sighed. "Thank you."

Buffy chewed her lip. "So."

Angel looked like, if he were human, he might be blushing. "Uh. Yeah. You weren't supposed to hear that."

"Well, it's better than the way Giles and Xander found out about Tara."

Lorne bit his lip. 

"I really should have taken the hint when she introduced Angel as her brother's future husband. How exactly are you related?"

"Technecly, I'm her legal guardian. But I like to think of her as my little sister. Sorry for, the um, display...I didn't mean to..."

"Oh, it's fine. You know. All great. Um, congratulations. I guess."

*

"Hi!"

Giles was thrown by the sight of a teenage girl with vivid purple hair appear in front of him. "Uh."

"I'm Ophelia. You're Ethan, right?"

"Giles, actually. I'm Ethan", said his boyfriend cheerfully. He reached out and shook her hand. "And you're Ophelia, correct?"

"Right!"

Needless to say, Ethan had probably just made a friend.

*

"Pretty good party", murmured Gunn.

Wesley nodded. "I can't believe everybody showed up. It's amazing. Especially Giles."

"Yeah, uh, I noticed the hug back there."

"Charles! Are you jealous?"

"No. Yes. Little bit."

Wesley rolled his eyes. He gave Gunn a kiss and said "There's no reason to be. Giles is an old crush, true, but I have you. I am never going to leave you. I love you."

Gunn smiled. "Okay."

*

"Hey."

Great. The Bleached One.

Xander turned around, annoyed. No, really. He was. Seriously.

"Go away." good. Annoyed voice is of the good.

"Listen, mate. I know you don't like me-"

"I am not your 'mate', or anything else. Listen to me, pal. You're never going to get Buffy. Never. She hates you. She's never going to-"

"Is there a problem here?"

Xander and Spike both looked up at the sound of a  _real_ annoyed voice. He realized that he had been steadily raising his voice this while time.

"No. You'd be Gunn, right?", asked Spike. Woah. Was he being polite?

"Yeah. Just don't cause any trouble, okay? You got a problem with each other, take it outside."

Spike nodded. "Right, thanks mate."

After Gunn walked away, Xander shook his head. "Still-"

"Hey, I get it. You and your lot hate me. Great. Fine. But lay off, yeah? I'm not gonna suddenly murder you."

"Ha. As if you could with the chip."

"Exactly. As long as I'm stuck being one of the goody two shoes, we might as well not metaphorically rip each other's throats out. We could circle each other and growl, but I'm tired of that shit. So can you lay off for now? I don't see this working any other way."

Xander was slightly stunned. "How do I know-"

"You don't. S'called trust. What do you say?"

"As long as you don't expect me to shake your hand...I guess I could tone it down a bit."

"Xander! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?", asked a sudden shape in the corner of his eye. Before he could look around-

Spike suddenly crashed into him, knocking them both to the floor. Their lips met.

Xander's heart stopped. 

It was...

Like running through a storm. An under taste of...was that whiskey? And cigarettes, definitely...so much different than Anya, who tasted like her toothpaste, mint. Bitter.

He was dimly aware of their tongues meeting and tangling, his hands clenching in Spike's coat.

"Oh my god. Is everybody I know gay?", he heard Buffy wail.

He was surprised to find that he didn't care.

"I suppose my work here is done", he heard another voice chuckle. "I can blame it on hormones. I feel oddly like squealing."

Giles just coughed. "Will you two please get a room?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that this chapter is so damn short! It's 11:00 and I'm tired. I need sleep. 
> 
> You people are awsome! Do not underestimate your awsomeness!
> 
> Thumbs up to anybody who caught the Firefly reference!


	29. Month Five/Month Three: Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallout of the last few chapters.

"Hmmmm."

Gunn blinked, glaring up at the window that threw light across his pillow. Too damn bright out. 

He sighed and snuggled further into Wesley's warm side. This was nice. Real nice.

"Mmmghbn.", Wes mumbled unitenligably. "Gnn?"

"Right here baby", he mumbled. "Hey."

Wesley slowly grinned. "Hey." he moved closer, kissing Gunn softly. "How did you sleep?"

"Mmm. Slept good. Usually do. How'd you sleep."

"Not as well as you. She was kicking me all night", Wes grumped. "It's a miracle and all, but I am definitely looking forward to not bring kicked in the kidneys all night."

Gunn chuckled. "Wish I could feel it sometimes."

"Oh, no you don't."

"It doesn't...hurt, does it?"

"No. I promise, it doesn't. But it does keep me awake some nights, and you wouldn't be so eager to feel it yourself if it kept you up until 5:00 am."

Gunn nuzzled the side of his face. "Sorry 'bout that."

"It's not you, dear. Mmm. You know, I used to loathe mornings and evenings."

"Really?"

"Really. I would always wake up alone, and unless I had a girlfriend, which was extremely unlikely, or had a one night stand, I would always sleep alone. Now I love this part of the morning where I wake up in your arms, and I go to sleep with you wrapped around me every night." keeping us safe, he didn't say, but Gunn understood.

He gave Wes a kiss on the side of the head. "Love you. Love both of you."

*

"So."

Spike shifted nervously. "So..."

"We, uhm. Need to talk."

"Okay. Whelp.", he was quick to add.

"What was that?", Xander asked, straight to the point. 

"That was a nickname, something-"

"I didn't mean  _that,_ I meant...back at the baby shower. The...uh, the..."

"The kiss?", Spike asked quietly.

"That."

Spike sighed. "Sod it. I like you. There, that good enough?"

"You like me."

"You heard it. I like you. Now I'm not gonna say it a third time...uh...meatbag!"

"You look and sound nothing like Bender", sighed Xander. "He's way cooler."

Spike growled. 

"You have a creepy crush on Buffy. You can't 'like' 'me."

"Creepy cru- where the bloody hell...oh. That. Whelp, I...I don't love the Slayer, okay? Not like I lo-uh, so yeah. Besides...Dru was always the woman for me. Never gonna be another."

"Hhmph."

"I do like you, moron. Just...I'm sorry 'bout the kiss. Okay?"

"You're apologizing for it."

"Yes."

Xander scowled. Then he said something he never actually intended say.

"What was wrong with it?"

"Eh?", Spike said, startled from where he'd been looking at his nails. 

He'd gotten started. There was no stopping now. "The...thing. What was wrong with it?"

"The...oh, luv. Nothing. It was wonderful. Wanted it for weeks. You obviously hated it, though not for quality I'd wager. Because of Anya."

Anya. The woman he'd gone back to the hotel to and had passionate sex with to prove that he was, in fact, straight. And he'd pleaded to everybody who had seen The Kiss to not mention it to her.

"Right. Anya."

Spike shifted from one foot to another. "Right."

Silence.

"We, uh. Done talking?"

"I imagine so."

Xander opened the door of Spike's crypt. "I'm going."

"Good."

Xander looked back. "Uh."

"Yeah."

"I'm still going."

"Yup."

"Not going to regret leaving."

"No. Not a bit."

Xander lunged forward and captured Spike in a passionate kiss. Their tongues battled and one of them moaned. They held onto each other tightly and somebody sighed.

Xander broke the kiss. "Just to remember how much I....didn't enjoy it."

"Exactly.", panted Spike. It was kind of cute. Him not actually needing to breathe and all.

Xander lunged again. Gaspings and moans were heard.

"Okay. Bye.", said Xander, breaking apart and bolting.

Spike stood in the doorway, out of reach of the light.

"A vampire in love", he murmured to himself.

*

"Hmm.", muttered Tara. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I don't understand exactly how, though."

Buffy was once again in shock. "Seriously? Ethan...pregnant? How?"

Giles cleared his throat. "We have no idea. We, um. Think it was-"

"The bloody Initiative. We'd have to get a hold of a scientist from the place, but we think that's who did it", growled Ethan. "Bloody punks. Messing around with biology."

"That's-that's actually kind of...cool.", stammered Tara. "It-"

"Yeah, nice and all, new progress in science, but is Ethan gonna be...okay?", interrupted Xander. 

"We think so", said Willow. "I'll be monitoring him, and I know a way to..." she searched for a phrase. "Drop it, if it starts to hurt him."

"Hey! Poor bugger didn't do anything!", yelped Ethan.

"Not yet. And it probably won't, but if it does, we need a solution. None of us want you dead, Ethan", said Tara gently. "You've been with us for close to three months."

"You're a Scooby", Buffy piped up. "And we protect our own."

*

_"The subject has escaped. Force may have to be implemented. We must retrieve this vessel", the man barked._

_"Sir, yes sir!"_

_"Now search!"_

*

Buffy looked up from her musty old book to give her eyes a break. The words were starting to blur.

Xander was sitting with his book upside down, right up against his eyes. 

She raised an eyebrow. He never did something like that unless there was a serious problem. 

She looked at the other end of the room, where Spike was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at Xander with an expression-

The same look she'd probably used to give Angel, at times. Whoops.

Speaking of Angel.

She slumped in her seat. She was glad that he'd found somebody, really. She hasn't actually expected him to wait up for her forever, and they had never really had a chance anyway. Not in the real world.

She'd enquired why, out of Lorne's earshot, why the curse didn't activate for him. 

It turned out that there was, in fact, a way around it. Lorne wasn't human or female, and the people that had cursed Angel hadn't taken that into consideration. 

So...she was feeling down in the dumps, but who could blame her? Poor, pitiful, lonely Buffy.

Boo hoo.

It was okay, though, because she knew that she would find somebody. Someday, she would. It might take her a while longer than most people, but she'd find it.

And...maybe...she looked exasperatedly at Spike and Xander.

Maybe, if she helped a few idiots along the way, she might not feel the loneliness so much.


	30. Month Five/Month Three: Over My Dead Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People talk. Xander and Spike talk and decide that they can't be together (but that won't stop Ray. He's evil, you know *wink*) and Anya talks Xander into baby shopping.

Giles woke slowly.

He was distoriented for a momemt, but then realized that he was in his own bed, not in a hotel room.

He rolled over, expecting to find Ethan, but instead found nothing.

He shot up out of bed in a panic. Where was Ethan? Was he all right? Why wasn't he-

A retching sound from the bathroom answered his question. Giles winced, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on while following the sounds.

The bathroom door was shut, but not locked. He opened it to see his boyfriend once again hunched over the toilet throwing up violently.

He wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to comfort Ethan, but he wasn't sure how. 

He put a tenitive hand to Ethan's back, unsure whether it would help. He started to whisper reassurences to Ethan softly, trying to offer some form of comfort.

*

When Ethan was back on bed some minutes later, lying miserably in Giles' arms, he started to shake.

Giles looked at him in panic, worrying that he was having some kind of fit, and saw that Ethan was crying.

Giles tightened his embrace around his boyfriend. Ethan held in his tears, making him shake harder.

"Shhhh, sweetheart", Giles murmured. "Shhhh. It's okay. You're okay. I promise. Shhhh."

Ethan choked out a sob and then another. He turned and hugged Giles and then let it out.

*

"Do you want to tell me what all that was about?", asked Rupert some minutes later.

Ethan sighed. "Hormones, I guess. I woke up feeling awful."

He sniffed, letting Rupert comfort him. It was nice to be able to have that again. Somebody to hold him and say that it was all right. If not to make everything better, then to try. 

He hoped that the witches didn't have to use that spell they'd found. As much as the idea of having a child terrified him, he didn't think that he'd be able to get rid of it and come out sane. Bloody Initiative. What the hell did they have to gain by knocking him up, anyhow?  Seemed like a strange thing to do, even to a woman. They were a place that experimented on demons and cut them up and played with their innards. Why would they be creating life instead of destroying it?

The idea that maybe  _they had meant to_ scared him. Bloody hell, what if that was what they were after? Implanting humans or demons with a fetus, making a bloody army. Clones, perhaps? God, these people were insane. Detention facility indeed. They probably would have killed the baby after they'd taken it from him, dissected it or turned it into a soldier. Dear lord. 

Ethan hugged Rupert harder, promising to himself that he wouldn't let those bastards take it from him. Over his dead body. 

*

"Ahn, hon...I wasn't! I swear!"

Anya stood with her hands on her hips. "Xander, I saw you. It-I know that I saw it. Just admit it."

"No. I wasn't. I swear on my, my honor as a man."

"That's too little."

"On my stack of Superman comics!"

"Those are numerous, but have no value."

"Hey, I value them."

"Okay. But, really. Just admit it, this isn't healthy."

"Anya, I'm a man. Men don't-"

"Some do! Like Giles, he was very 'into' it for a while. He still probably is, what with Ethan and all."

Xander sighed. "Okay. Maybe a little bit. But it wasn't much. You can't let this get out, Ahn! It would-"

"I know, Xander. Stupid male pride and all. But I'm sure Willow could handle it. She is a lesbian after all."

"Anya, I keep trying to tell you. It's not just lesbians. All girls like that stuff. It's something to do with nature, and every time Willow sees one she says it's the 'cuteness factor.'"

"Maybe Willow would help. We could make it a group thing. I've read about this, it's social community."

"Maybe, but do you really think-"

"Xander, it's Willow. She'd love to go baby shopping for Ethan!"

Xander thought. "Well..."

"And by the way, hiding your face behind an upside down copy of 'the first six months' was a laughable attempt to hide yourself."

*

"Why are we researching the Initiative?", Cordelia sighed. "I have a date later."

"Um...", Angel looked uncomfortable. "You know Ethan?"

"Reformed bad guy, Giles' squeeze, shy kinda guy, I remember", said Gunn.

"Well, apparently he's pregnant, and they think it was the Initiative."

Silence.

"Say that again.", said Wesley.

"Uh...Ethan's pregnant."

"Wow. Uh. He's...kind of up there in years, though, Angel."

"Uh...yeah. I'm trying not to think about that part."

"Well...uh...we should still help", said Wesley firmly. "They do need information on how this is at all possible."

*

 Wesley leaned against Gunn contentedly. What he really wanted to do was sit on his lap, but he was a little too heavy for that now.

The baby kicked inside him softly, and Wesley sighed, still typing.

"These files are encrypted", he told Angel. "This may take some time."

"Mmm", said Angel. "I doubt they need it right away."

Wesley wished once again that people other than him could hack computers. Angel was absolutely useless with technology, Cordelia could do many things with a computer but definitely not hacking, and he had no idea about Gunn.

The man was a top notch snuggler, though. He got extra points for that.

His daughter kicked again, as if in agreement. Wesley smiled softly and put a hand against his stomach. Something a male was never meant to experience. It meant so much to him. 

*

 "Uh...hi."

Spike fiddled with his shirt. "Hey."

Xander bit his lip. "Um. We really have to talk again."

"Right."

Silence.

"Well, I...Spike, you and I..." he gestured between them. "We can't ever be anything. You know that. I know that. We all know that. You're...you're a vampire for God's sake. You used to kill people and eat them, and you still would if you didn't have the damn chip."

"Right."

"And I hate you. I do. You live in, in filth, and you drink  _blood,_ and even without the killing people thing, you're an annoying pest who I can't stand!", Xander said, voice going up in pitch until he was yelling.

"And I'm still attracted to you", he whispered. "I look at you and...god, I want to kiss you so badly. But at the same time I...you say  that you like me. Do you mean obsession, the way we thought you were about-"

"No.", Spike muttered. Xander was barely able to hear him. "I'm perfectly willing to let you be with Anya, if that's who you truely want. Not gonna stalk you. Well, maybe a little."

Xander cracked a smile. "It's probably bad that I'm flattered by that, huh."

"Probably."

They stood in the middle of the crypt, looking at each other. 

"I know that we can't ever...", started Spike.

"Be anything together."

"Never. But...if it's any consolation, Whelp, uh...I'll dream."

"So will I." Xander was holding back tears. 

"Maybe...one last time?"

Xander stepped forward, and Spike met him halfway.

They kissed tenderly, closed-mouth, not like the three before. The naughty-aura was gone, replaced by one of sadness.

They both drew back at the same time. Xander rested his head on Spike's shoulder for a moment.

"Goodby", he whispered, tears spilling out. Xander drew back and walked put into the night air, not looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! Thank you all SO much for being so very patient, I know I've been lazy with the updates *sigh*. There's no excuse for it.   
> And don't worry, Spander shippers. The boys will work it out. Honestly, I love Anya dearly, and she's the number one favorite of my best buddy Sary, but she and Xander together...they just never seemed to click. No offense to Anya lovers, or fans of Xander/Anya, this is my personal opinion and feel free to say it's irrelevant. 
> 
> Happy holidays! I wish you lots of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa etc cheer!


	31. Month Five/Month Three: Kicks And Appointments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's baby gets a little more active, Wes goes to a doctor's appointment, and Xander lets out some of the frustration he's been holding in.

Wesley sighed and snuggled closer to Gunn. He really didn't want to get up for the day.

He really was eager to get back to work. He liked helping people, working out problems, and since he was on maternity leave...

He repressed an insane urge to giggle. Maternity leave still sounded so ridiculous to him. 

Willow had been calling frequently, which surprised him. They had never really interacted much, during the short time Wesley had been Buffy's official Watcher. Now she called once a week to, apparently, make sure he was all right.

It was somewhat frightining, the interest that these people had in his life now. Even Xander expressed an interest in how the baby was coming along. He had thought of asking about the kiss he had witnessed between him and Spike...well, more like facilitated. Heh.

He had seen the looks that they'd been giving each other, and...well, he felt a little guilty for it now. He shouldn't have interfered. But they'd both seemed happy...

Gunn mumbled in his sleep, jarring Wesley out of his thoughts. His boyfriend rolled over and slung an arm around him.

Wesley smiled, reaching out to brush Gunn's cheek.

*

Angel snored.

Quietly, but he did. Lorne was oddly charmed by it. It just didn't seem like something a vampire would do, not needing to breathe and all.

Cuddling with Angel was definitely his favorite pastime. He loved how oddly clingy the vampire got when he wasn't paying attention to it. He supposed it might be out of the many years he'd spent alone. 

Said vampire shifted, sighing in his sleep, and nuzzling the side of Lorne's face. 

Lorne wrapped his arms tighter around him. Angel made a soft, sleepy sound and opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw Lorne.

"73rd avenue to the subtraction pie", he mumbled.

Lorne raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"What?"

He shook his head. "I love you. You strange, strange vampire." he gave Angel a kiss.

*

Xander sighed.

Anya was beside him, still asleep. He hadn't been able to drift off, and it was 5:00 in the morning.

He couldn't stop thinking about Spike.

Stupid vampire.

He had a crush on a skanky, evil vampire, and was feeling sex type feeling for him instead of Anya. 

He loved Anya, damn it. He did. Apparently, he just didn't...god! Why did this have to happen? He wasn't even thinking straight now.

The words twisted in his head. Stupid double meanings.

It was so hard not to say it. She was right there. He could wake her up and tell her that he didn't...

Didn't what? Didn't love her? How would that make her feel? Worse than when Cordelia dumped him?

*

"Mmmm."

Angel stood uncomfortably in the doorway of Wesley and Gunn's room. "Uh...guys?"

They apparently didn't hear him. Wesley went on kissing Gunn as...

"Okay! Guys! Hi!", Angel shouted.

They both whipped around. Wesley blushed so red that he looked like a tomato. 

His hands were frozen on the buttons of Gunn's shirt, and his in turn on the zipper of Wesley's jeans.

"Angel. Uh...sorry."

"Doctor's appointment. In a couple minutes. I remember telling you two to get ready."

Angel left, feeling like he would be blushing if he could.

*

"Mmmf."

Giles rolled his eyes. "Xander, are you quite allright?"

"No", came the muffled reply through the couch cushion. "Not even in the same zip code."

Giles put down his book. "What is it."

"Stupid things. That are...stupid."

"Which things?", he asked patiently.

"You wouldn't want to know."

"If there's something bothering you, Xander, I certainly do want to know. You can always talk to me."

Xander raised his head from the cushion. His eyes had bags under them. "It's Anya."

"Ah." Relationship advice really wasn't his forte.

"I feel like we don't talk. We never really did. I mean, our relationship started with sex. Good sex, but sex. And I feel like that's all it is. We don't talk. Me and Cordelia didn't talk all that much either, but did...couple things."

"Couple things."

"She sometimes...don't laugh, okay? She told me stuff. Not often, but sometimes. Like, 'When you talk about Buffy all the time I feel left out', or 'which perfume smells better' or 'why don't you watch Mike and Molly, it's the best show ever', and actually, I got pretty addicted to Mike and Molly-"

"Xander. This sounds like something you two need to work out on your own. I don't think that your communication pro-"

"IhaveacrushonSpike", Xander burst out.

Giles stared at him and then sighed. "I suppose I'll have to do this again someday anyway. Do you love Anya?"

"Yes. I think. Just...not like that, I guess."

"Ah." Giles sighed as he removed his glasses and started to clean them.

*

Gunn paced.

"Stop pacing. You're annoying me."

Gunn glared at Cordelia. 

He sat down and looked at the door. Why did Wesley have to say he could go in alone? Damn it.

Ophelia was braiding Cordelia's hair. He looked at that instead.

Then imediently looked back at the door when he heard a cough from inside the room. He then noticed Angel staring at him with a smirk.

"What?"

"You're whipped."

Gunn tried to look dignified. "Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

Are too."

"Am not."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too!"

Angel sat back. "Okay. You are."

Gunn smirked, then realized what he'd said. "Shit."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "This is why I went gay. Men's immaturity."

"Not all men", objected Ophelia. "Just those two."

"And Xander. And Giles, but very, very rarely."

The door opened and Gunn rushed over. "Is everything okay? Is Wes okay?"

"I'm fine", reassured Wesley. "I promise."

"Now, the mood swings are going to start getting a little more intense. The morning sickness will probably still be present, but not as bad as before.", the doctor told Gunn. Who was busy hugging Wes.

*

"Mmm."

"Not you, too."

"What?", Ethan questioned, looking up.

"Xander was in the same position, making the almost the same noise earlier today. We ended up having one of those talks."

"Ooooh. Embarassing?", grinned Ethan, sitting up and leaning forward.

Giles raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were done being glad of my pain and humiliation, now that you were off Chaos?"

"Well, yes, but as I have nothing interesting in my own social life I have to live vicariously through yours."

"Nothing interesting?"

"Not remotely. Tell me about your talk."

Giles rolled his eyes and sat down next to Ethan. "Well, it appears that we've corrupted at least one of the children into homosexuality. Or at least bisexuality. Xander has a 'crush' on Spike."

"See!" Ethan smacked Giles' arm lightly. "I told you."

"You told me that Spike was interested in Xander, not the other way around. He's going to break up with Anya."

"He's not going to just...leave her, though? He'll...talk to her."

"Of course. Why would you think-ah."

Ethan's abandonment issues were manifesting again. Giles really hated when he got that look. 

"Ethan..."

"Sorry. I'm doing it again, aren't I."

"It's all right. It won't...it won't be like it was with us. It's a completely different situation."

"I know." Ethan rested his head on Giles' shoulder.

Then he straightened. "Oh."

"What? What is it?"

"Um...I think...he, she, it...just kicked me."

"What? You mean..."

"I can't be sure, it was just a second, but I think so."

Giles grinned and hugged Ethan, hard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got it done! *spins around in spinny chair* 
> 
> Thank you for being patient. And don't worry, Bread-Stars, the Lorne mpreg IS going to be implimented! I just have to find a good place for it.


	32. Month Five/Month Three: Inside And Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander and Anya have their talk, which goes better than he imagined. Ethan makes Giles promise something about the baby, and Lorne and Angel snuggle.
> 
> WARNING: Extreme snuggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fell in love with Sheldon Cooper the moment I saw him. Um, not stalker creepy fanboy love, but more "I now need to get all the seasons of Big Bang Theory."
> 
> And ahem, if your boyfriend breaks up with you, don't imediently assume he's gay. I'm trying to write Anya in character, and I'm pretty sure she'd assume that. But unless your boyfriend actually says, not as a joke, that he is, don't assume that. This is meant to be humor. It's supposed to make you laugh.

Ethan grumbled as he climbed back into bed. "I am much too old to be having morning sickness."

Giles slipped in beside him and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry, luv. How are you feeling otherwise?"

"Like shit." Ethan slung an arm across his face, leaning into his boyfriend. "This helps, though."

"Glad to hear it." Giles gently stroked Ethan's arm. "But care to elaborate on the 'shit' part?"

"Well, I've started to crave chips dipped in powdered sugar, I'm tired all the time, and that's about it."

"Chips and powdered sugar?"

"It's actually very good."

Giles shook his head. "You're a very strange man."

Ethan grinned and leaned in for a kiss. "You like me this way."

"I like you any way, darling."

"What about when I'm the size of an elephant and my mood swings are out of control?"

"I'll still love you, Ethan."

"What about when I'm in labor and swearing at you while probably breaking your fingers?"

"I'll still love you."

"What about when-"

Giles shut him up with a deep kiss. "I'll love you no matter what."

Ethan snuggled deeper into his arms. "I'll still love you", he said very quietly.

Giles kissed the top of his head. "We're better off now than we were then", he whispered. "I think we needed this. A more stable environment, maturity...I still hate that those bastards tortured you, and we definitely could have done without that. But the rest..."

Ethan nodded. "I know. We were too wild, too...chaotic. I know that we definitely still loved each other, but it was too..."

"We'd do anything for a thrill, until the wake up call of Randall's death.", Giles said quietly.

Ethan snuggled in closer until he was practically welded to him, then smiled. "I always panic a little when it kicks, but when I realize what's happening..."

 Giles laid a gentle hand on Ethan's stomach. He jumped when he felt something kick his hand.

"That's..."

"That's our baby.", murmured Ethan. "I doubt it's really mine, genetically, but in spirit it's ours, right?"

Giles kissed the top of Ethan's head again. "Dear Lord, I love you.", he whispered. 

*

Wesley quirked an eyebrow. "What was that groan about?", he asked, disengaging from the kiss. Gunn didn't understand and tried to pull him back. Wesley pulled back and looked expectantly at Cordelia.

"Liz is out of town", she grumped. "Visiting her sister. Just had a new baby. I don't resent her going. I  _told_ her to go. S'just...seeing you two all kissy-face..."

"You miss her.", Wesley sighed. Gunn pouted at losing his kiss, but turned to Cordelia resignedly. 

"I do. I guess I just didn't expect to miss her so much." now Cordelia pouted, which wasn't as sexy as Wesley pouting. And she was doing the puppy eyes all wrong.

"She's going to be back in a week, though", Wesley said, obviously trying to comfort her. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm being melodramatic. But still...", Cordelia grumped. 

It probably didn't help that Angel and Lorne were curled up on the other couch, snuggled together fast asleep. Gunn wanted to take a picture. He'd never admit it, but they were damn cute. 

Not as cute as watching Wesley knit baby booties while watching a horror movie, though. That, he  _had_ taken a picture of.

*

"Mmmm...Mmmm.", sighed Angel. He arched. "Oh, yeah, right there. You really sure you don't-Mmmm-want me to return the favor?"

Lorne shook his head. "It's fine. Besides, like I told you, I'm practicing."

"For what?"

He paused. "Good question. I'm sure it'll come up some time."

"Well...not to be a jealous boyfriend, but You're not going to be naked when you massage other people, right?"

Lorne raised an eyebrow. "Of course not, sweetie. Only when I do you."

Angel laughed. "Was the innuendo meant?"

"Surprisingly, no, it wasn't. But I still do prefer to be unclothed in the act..."

"That was once."

"Yes, sweetheart, it was. It was also a very good pair of pants. Which I had to throw out because of our experimentation."

"I never actually  _said_ that we should try it with our clothes on..."

"No...but that's why we have that rule."

Angel rolled his eyes. "I do love you so."

Lorne leaned down and kissed a spot on Angel's back. "I love you too. And no, if I ever do massage another person, it will probably be with both of us standing up. Fully clothed."

"That eases my conscious."

"I thought it would." Lorne smiled. He wiped off his hands and settled down on the bed to snuggle. Angel kissed him gently.

"You're so beautiful, you know", Angel whispered. "Inside and out."

*

Wesley murmured "Knit two, slip one."

Gunn was watching him more than the movie. It was weird, how Wes could focus on both that and the knitting, and Gunn could ask him about any plot point later and he'd be able to answer.

Right now he was working on a blanket. It was a soft pink, same color as the boots. He loved that Wesley knitted. He looked adorable doing it, with a blanket over his lap, five month pregnant belly just showing over it. That's where their kid was, Gunn loved to think. Just look at it and think about being a damn parent. What would she look like, he often wondered. He knew he'd love her no matter what, but he wondered.

Wesley suddenly looked up. "What?"

"Hmmm?"

"You've been staring at me."

"You look beautiful", he suddenly blurted.

Wesley actually blushed. He stared at Gunn, mouth slack. He blinked "Erm...thank you", he said softly. Gunn could see that he was touched.

He scooted closer to Wes and hugged him. "I love you. Both of you", he murmured. "And you are." he'd never believed that pregnant women glowed, but Wesley did. He had this shine to him...

Wesley rested his head against Gunn's shoulder. "I love you, too. And...so are you."

*

"Ahn, it's not about your looks!"

"Then what is it about? You say you want to talk, you drag me in here-"

"I asked you!"

"-and then you proceed to tell me that You're breaking up with me!"

"Anya, I love you.", Xander blurted. "You are a beautiful, independent, sexy woman. You are more than I deserve. I tried. I tried so hard, and I love you. But not like that."

Anya gulped. "You love me...but you don't love me?"

"It's hard to explain. I love you like I love Willow. You are one of my very best friends and I'd go to the end of the world for you. But it's, it's not romantic. I think that we started way too fact anyway. We hardly knew each other when we started our relationship. I know you much better now, and you're great. Wonderful. But-"

"Xander? I think I get it."

"You do?"

"You're gay."

Xander blinked. "Huh?"

"It's the only way all of that makes sense. You're gay, and I'm not male, so you can't love me."

"No, Ahn-"

"It's okay", she said, brightening considerably. "I'll help you. Oh! It's Spike, isn't it?"

Xander stared. "Ulp."

*

Ethan shifted, pouting. 

Giles stared.

Ethan was standing in his boxers, in front of the bathroom mirror. Pouting at himself and grumbling.

"Um...darling? Are you alright?"

Ethan jumped. "Rupert!"

"Luv, what are you doing."

"Trying to imagine myself at eight months."

Giles blinked. "Er, why?"

Ethan shrugged. He walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom. Giles followed.

"Luv, what's the matter? I can tell that you're upset."

"It's nothing", sighed Ethan.

"Luv? Can't you tell me? I'm worried, all right?"

"What if it's going to kill me?", Ethan whispered. 

Giles stopped dead. "It's not."

"What if it is? And we have to use the spell-"

"Shhh. It's not going to happen. I promise. Nothing is going to harm you or the baby."

Ethan held his hands protectivley over his belly. "If the choice comes...me or the baby..."

"No."

"I want you to save it."

"Ethan-"

"Please."

Giles looked at Ethan's resolved face. "Okay.", he whispered.

Even though he knew that there was no way he could keep that promise.

*

"How about this one?", Anya said, holding up a picture of some guy actor.

"It's...fine."

"Xander, I need your opinion."

"I'm not the only gay guy you know, Anya."

"You're my roommate. And as my roommate, you need to help me devide up our belongings."

"Are we going to have to have a Roommate Agreement now?"

"A what?"

"Never mind. I say keep it."

"Good", Anya nodded.

Xander rolled his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know.
> 
> You are all beautiful. No matter your gender or genders, sexuality, or race. You are beautiful no matter what anybody says, and you are important. If anybody says that you're not, imagine them falling down in dog poo. 
> 
> Happy holidays, however you celebrate! Be safe!


	33. Month Five/Month Three: Cuddles And Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People cuddle, Buffy gives Spike a good talking to, and Anya and Xander shop for Ethan's baby.

The credits from the movie scrolled down the screen.

Cordelia yawned. "I think it's time for bed."

Liz didn't answer, but nodded and yawned herself. She cuddled against Cordy, not moving.

"Going to bed implies getting up and going to bed."

Liz nodded again.

Cordelia smiled and tightened the arm around her girlfriend. "Love you, kid."

"Mmmmm."

Cordelia closed her eyes. "I'm glad you came home."

*

"Liz! You're home!", exclaimed Ophelia. She ran over to the woman and hugged her.

"Oof! Hey, kiddo.", laughed Liz. 

"How's your sister? How's her baby? Have you seen Cordelia yet? Where is she?"

"Woah, hon. My sister's fine, she's recovering. Her baby is a boy, they named him Marty, and he's very healthy. Cordelia met me at the airport, and she's still sleeping. We were up all night ma-watching movies."

Ophelia jumped up and down. "Do you have baby pictures?"

"I was waiting for you to ask that", Liz smirked, taking three photos out of her pocket. 

Ophelia squealed over the pictures, saying that he looked just like his mother, from the pictures she'd seen of the lady.

"It's gonna be so weird when Wesley's baby comes", she said thoughtfully a couple minutes later.

"Yeah. I didn't want to say it, at the risk of being offensive, but it's kind of...weird to see him being pregnant and all, when I know he's a guy. Don't get me wrong, Wes is great. And it's very sweet to see him like this, but sometimes..."

"You start wondering at the mechanics of it."

*

 Ethan blinked.

"Go away, morning", he mumbled. "Not ready to get up."

"Don't have to. Saturday", mumbled Rupert. 

Ethan rolled over and hugged Rupert from behind. "Tired."

"Not surprising. You were up at 3:30 this morning vomiting up your insides.", Rupert mumbled. "Poor Ethan."

Ethan nuzzled his shoulder. "I had a dream about pie. I ate a lot of it and then drank milk that tasted funny."

Rupert actually opened his eyes. "What?"

"I know. That was my reaction when I woke up. Pregnancy is supposed to be accompanied by bizzare dreams, but I don't know when that's supposed to set in. Perhaps it's just me."

Rupert rolled over onto his back. "Perhaps it's because we watched Frozen last night. I had odd dreams as well."

"Oh, really?"

"I dreamed that you were a damsel in distress and I had to rescue you from a purple dragon."

"That sounds more like a metaphoric dream than an odd one."

"It was odd."

"Why are we arguing about this?"

*

 Wesley sighed contentedly and rolled over. "Mm."

Gunn gave him a kiss. "That was damn good."

Wesley chuckled. "Indeed. You know, you're a very sexy man. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Once or twice." Gunn wrapped his arms around Wesley nuzzling his neck. "You're beautiful."

Wesley blinked. "Um, thank you."

Gunn winced. "That sounded weird, I know. But you are. Sometimes I wonder how you can be so smart and still not see it."

Wesley rolled over and hugged him. "See what?", he asked in a whisper.

"See how amazing you are. You are, English. Sometimes I have to stop and thank the powers that be for letting us meet, because if we hadn't, I'd probably have gone off the deep end, and you would be in this alone."

"...that last isn't entirely true", Wesley mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Uh...the reason I had that one night stand was because I was trying to get over my crush on you", Wesley mumbled.

Gunn shook his head. Buried his face in Wesley's shoulder. And laughed.

"Hey."

"S-sorry-just...", Gunn was laughing so hard he couldn't speak.

"Gunn.."

"Sorry", Gunn said when he stopped laughing. "I'm kind of in shock."

"There's nothing funny about-"

"I know. Sorry." he kissed the top of Wesley's head. "So, in a way, I am partly responsible for her existance", he whispered.

Wesley smiled, closing his eyes. "You are."

*

 Ethan sighed.

Giles raised an eyebrow. "Are you all right?"

"Mm."

He sat down on the couch beside his boyfriend. "What's bothering you?"

"How is the baby going to be born?"

He hadn't expected that.

"Unless I suddenly grow parts that generally belong to the opposite sex, the baby is going to be stuck."

"It would have to be done surgically. There's really no other way", Giles put an arm around Ethan. 

"That means doctors", Ethan sighed.

"Well, yes. Professional medical people."

"You'll...be there, right?"

Giles gave him a quick squeeze. "Of course I will, luv. There's no way they could keep me out."

Ethan smiled, then bit his lip. "I hate how needy I feeI."

"It's a natural response. You're in a very vulnerable state right now."

"I hate that. Not the baby, I...just...I've been self reliant for so many years. I'm just not used to...this", he gestured to himself and Giles.

"I know. And you won't be like this forever, you know." Giles gave him a kiss. "You'll be back to your old self before you know it."

"I'm hoping that the Chaos magic will leave me alone this time around."

"I didn't mean-"

"You were trying to be comforting. And, actually, it worked."

*

"Whelp?"

"Wha?"

Spike sighed. "Slayer."

"Can I come in?"

"Since when do you ask? Or knock?"

Buffy opened the door. "I need to talk to you."

"Not interested."

"It's about Xander."

Spike looked up. "What's wrong with Xander?"

"Nothing. You like him."

"Don't be daft. I don't like anybody."

"You liked Dru."

"Well, yeah."

"You know, Xander and her look kind of similar..."

"Hnm.", grunted Spike. "Go away."

"No. Not until you admit that you like Xander."

"Fine."

"Say it."

"I'm bi."

"That's not saying it..."

"Fine! I fancy the Whelp. Now will you get out of my crypt?"

Buffy shook her head. "Sorry. We need to have the Shovel Talk."

"The wha-"

"If you hurt Xander, break his heart, or otherwise harm him, I'll beat you to death with a shovel. Okay, bye." Buffy gave him a cheery smile and left.

Spike blinked. "What the bloody hell just happened?"

*

Anya shook her head. "Xander, aren't gay men supposed to have fashion sense almost as good as women?"

"That's a stereotype. One that I find vaguely offensive." Xander held up a pink onesie. "How about this one?"

"Too pink."

"We're shopping for girl clothes today."

"I know. But it's still too pink."

Xander sighed. "It's not even your baby."

"I know, but it's still-"

Xander put the item back on the shelf and folded it messily. "Okay, I get it. Geez, you're pickier now than you were when we were dating."

*

Lorne sighed as they separated. "Mm."

"Yeah...", Angel sighed.

There wasn't much to do except lie there and cuddle while they tried to catch their...while Lorne tried to catch his breath. It had been phenomenal.

"That was certainly something to remember.", he murmured.

Angel nuzzled his neck. "It was. Every minute with you is something to remember. One of the great things about being a vampire is the perfect recall."

Lorne smiled, cuddling a little closer. "I love you."

"Love you too, lamb."

"Stop trying out nicknames, sweetie. It's not gonna work."

Angel pouted. 

"That's not gonna work either", Lorne chuckled as he leaned in for a kiss.

"On the contrary, it worked just fine." Angel pulled him back and kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! 
> 
> I swear that this is still a priority of mine, and I will be updating! I'm sorry that I've been slow about that lately. 
> 
> Be safe and happy holidays!


	34. Month Five/Month Three: Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike thinks, Giles thinks, Wesley's hormones are out of whack...happy holidays!

"Mmmm", sighed Angel.

Cordelia shook her head. "He must really love you. He would have never looked this stupid in Sunnydale."

"I think it's sweet", said Lorne.

Angel was asleep on the cpuch, hugging a pillow and murmuring Lorne's name. 

"Of course you would. It's you he's dreaming about."

Despite her outward appearence, she really did think it was sweet. Lorne and Angel were always so wrapped up in each other, even when they were apart. She was glad that Angel had somebody to love who wasn't Buffy. She loved Angel, she really did, but that choice had been made unwisely.

But who was she to judge, really? 

Angel made a happy noise in his sleep, nuzzling the pillow. She rolled her eyes, but remembered the nights when Liz had been out of town, and she'd woken up snuggling her own pillow in the same way. 

*

"Hey."

Spike nodded, not looking at Xander.

Ever since Buffy's 'talk' he'd felt like he should do something. Anya had apparently been dumped, and Xander had come out of the closet. That meant it would be okay to make a move, right?

Except he was still a vampire. And Xander was still out of his league. 

He was so kind, so caring. So protective. His wide brown eyes reminded Spike of Dru, who he still missed. And he was funny, the only person that could make Spike laugh, even silently, because of something he intentionally said to make somebody do just that. 

In short, Spike was head over heels and couldn't do a thing about it. But felt like he should and could, just reach out and take the boy's hand...

*

3:26 am

 Gunn yawned and stumbled out of the bedroom. "What the hell..."

He stumbled down the stairs, and made his way to the kitchen, where he could see lights on. And stared at what he found.

Wesley was sitting at the table in his boxers, knitting something blue and eating...something red.

"Uh, babe?", Gunn whispered.

Wesley looked up and smiled. "Yes?"

"It's 3:26 am. You should really be asleep."

"Oh, all right. Just let me finish this row." Wesley hummed as he finished...whatever he was doing, while Gunn stared in disbelief.

"There." Wesley smiled at him brightly, then walked over and gave him a kiss. "Love you." he put the plate of red stuff in the microwave and walked happily out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Gunn just stood there for a few more moments, then shook his head and joined him. Good god, this was weird...

*

4:00 am

Angel turned over, then frowned.

He sat up. Groped for the lamp, turning it on.

"Lorne?", he called.

But Lorne wasn't there.

He shot out of bed, opening the door and going downstairs...

Where he found Lorne sitting in the kitchen playing Five Card Stud with Ophelia.

He felt like smacking his forehead.

"Guys, it's four in the morning."

"Ophelia can't sleep", Lorne explained. Angel rolled his eyes. 

 *

9:00 am

"Can I feel the baby kick?"

Ethan stared at the girl in bewilderment. "Um."

"Please?", begged Dawn. 

Ethan looked at Buffy, who was sitting right next to her, silently pleading for help.

Buffy didn't look up, intent on her book.

"Um...I guess so...", he said uncomfortably. This was odder than anything he'd gone through so far.

"Yay!", Dawn exclaimed as she ran over. He leaned away from her slightly. 

"Just...don't touch skin, all right? This is still a little awkward."

"Okay, okay", she said as she bent down. Dawn placed her palms flat against the small bump. "How long does it usually-" then gasped as something rapid and fluttery pressed back.

"Does it hurt?", she asked after a while.

"Not really. It can be bothersome when I'm trying to sleep, though."

She took her hands away and smiled. "It's still a little hard to believe that there's a baby in there, but it's amazing."

Ethan smiled at her. "I don't think it's really sunk in yet for Rupert, either. He keeps looking at me oddly."

"Well, you're odd. That's normal", Dawn grinned.

*

12:00 pm

 Giles woke up to a soft sighing sound coming from his left. He blinked and opened his eyes, smiling when he saw Ethan sleeping next to him, also smiling. 

He took a moment to let his eyes rove over Ethan, smiling wider when he saw that the man had a hand resting on his belly. He still couldn't believe a child was growing inside there. A real, flesh and blood child. A baby. 

Giles carefully put his arms around Ethan and snuggled up, lacing his fingers with Ethan's on top of the small bump in his stomach. He nuzzled Ethan's cheek briefly, then fell back into sleep.

*

5:56 am

 Spike stared at the ceiling of his crypt. 

He felt cold. Usually, he wasn't bothered by this. The cold didn't bother vampires like it did humans, although they could certainly feel it. But now, it was bothering him quite a bit. What he would give to have somebody beside him now...

He wasn't obsessed with Xander. He knew the clear distinction between obsession and love. Obsession is what most 'love spells' create. Love in an emotion that no spell can replicate. This was what he felt for Xander.

He snorted to himself. Of all the people in their little group to fall for, it had to be him. Falling for Buffy would have been...no, actually, that wasn't a preferable alternative. Yuck. 

Besides, Xander was...his ideal, really. Kind, caring, not a Slayer, nor a vampire, nor any kind of fancy magical being, just Xander, which was more than enough. The demon bint was lucky to have had him. 

Spike smiled to himself, wondering when he turned back into William, but not really minding. He was sick of the emptiness, not caring about people. A wise tree in a game once said to an equally wise little girl "Death is only the absence of love." Spike had been dead for a long time, and it felt good to snap out of it. Yes, he was miserable. Yes, he was very obvious. Yes, he was a sap. It was better than feeling nothing, better than feeling empty. He hid it, but he was fond of the group; not Buffy so much, but Willow with her big smile and kindly manner; Tara with her quiet, peaceful ways; even Giles, who was a father to the lot of them. He didn't know Ethan very well, but he seemed to be a nice guy. 

These people had helped him move on from Dru, intentionally or not. And he appreciated it.

But he still wished Xander was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike's thoughts at the end are some of my opinions. You do not have to share them, and I hope that you still enjoy the story.
> 
> High fives to anybody who spots the Fran Bow reference!


	35. Month Five/Month Three: Emotional Outbursts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody tells a story. Ethan and Giles have a fight. Lord help them all.

**Seventeen years later**  


_"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who thought she was a dragon. She felt old in spite of her youth, and always looked up to the sky before she fell asleep and said a prayer._

_'Mother Moon, let me someday roam. I would give anything to fight on foot, march for pride, go into battle. I know that there is darkness in me, and though I know not why you put it there, I count on you to let me redeem myself.'_

_The girl inevitably grew into a maiden, with long black hair and deep brown eyes, and was quiet in her ways. She never let on as to what she thought, and always walked alone._

_She did this because she was wise enough to see the spark of cruelty in herself, in the things she'd done when she had been younger. She did not want to hurt others, but she'd done so before. Small things, but the potential for darkness was there, and she loathed it._

_One day while walking, she was hit on the head by an apple. She looked up, but could not find evidence of an apple tree, and there was nobody there._

_She stared at the apple, which was very ordinary. Flawed, yet perfect in its way._

_'Maybe I'm delusional, but things like this are usually taken as signs. Perhaps this is a sign.' The Dragon-Maiden packed weapons and things she would need, and set off to the roads._

_She went on foot for the most part, and hitchhiked where it wasn't illegal. She was very lonely for the most part, but comforted herself with slaying the things that hid in darkness. The same cruelty that hid in herself was open and brutal in these creatures. They sank their teeth into the flesh of the living with no remorse._

_The Dragon slayed them with passion and anger. She was jealous of them in a way, in the manner that they could be so cruel and conscious while harming others. She had a conscious, and despised herself for thinking dark or horrid thoughts, while they didn't._

_She would have snapped if not for the puppy._

_He thought he was much tougher and larger than he was, but it was clear to all he was small and harmless. He was ridiculed and laughed at, but the Dragon looked beyond the surface._

_She saw a kicked puppy with delusions of grandeur, that tried to make enemies think he was much larger and fierce than he really was, so that he wouldn't be kicked anymore._

_The Dragon saw potential in him, and the Maiden saw a wounded animal. She took him under her wing after knocking his arrogance down several notches, and he cuddled up to her like the lost pup he was. She taught him how to defend himself from the monsters instead of lying still and hoping they'd leave, and he turned out to be very good at it._

_But one night, there was a monster that they couldn't fight. The puppy had no idea who it was, since she'd gone out alone that night and let her pup rest. She was kidnapped and sold to a being who wanted her brain._

_The reason for the darkness she had always sensed was that she was a potential warrior, and they wanted to try and capture it. They thought that by eating her brain they could harness that power._

_The Dragon-Maiden died, and her brain was eaten by a monster. The puppy vowed to hint down and kill the thing that captured her, though he didn't know who that might be. He started searching, never forgetting the sadness and joy that the maiden had brought him._

*

"They ate her brain? Ew."

Her father grimaced. "You did ask."

"That all happened?"

"Well, I told it diffrently-"

"In fairytale style, yeah. But they seriously ate her brain?"

"She was found without one."

"Blegh. Was she still alive when they did it?"

"I have no idea. I certainly hope not. Again-"

"I asked. Admittedly, I provably shouldn't have asked for details, but okay. Why the fairytale style, though?"

"Your mother used to read you fairytales, I thought it might be...reminiscent."

"Dad, he still does that."

"Really? I must be deafer than I thought. Anyway-"

"I know. Homework." she rolled her eyes. Her dad was weird and tiresome, but she did love him so.

*

**Current Time**

 "Rupert, I'm pregnant. I'm not helpless."

"I know, I know..."

"Then why do you insist upon this lunacy?"

"It's not lunacy!"

"Rupert, I realize that alcohol during a pregnancy is bad. I realize that magic during a pregnancy is probably not the best thing. But as long as I'm not parading around in my undergarments in a graveyard at night, why can't I go with you to this meeting? "

"Because...reasons."

Ethan put his hands on his hips and glared. "Rupert..."

"All right. Willow wants to know how you've been doing so we can figure out if the pregnancy is harmful. And what to do if it is."

"Then shouldn't I be there?", Ethan asked more sternly than he intended. If this was about his baby he wanted to be there.

"Ethan, think about this. Think about what this could mean-"

"I am  _not_ going to sit here like some middle aged housewife, Rupert! This is my child's  _life_ being discussed! This isn't some routine vampire nest slayage, or-or monster-of-the-week! This is-"

"That's exactly why I don't want you to go!"

"So you think I'll 'freak out?' You don't think I can handle this?"

"You said it yourself, that you would rather die than let this child be aborted! What would you do if you found out it was going to kill you?", Rupert shouted.

"We'd find a way to save us both!"

"What if we couldn't, what then?"

"We would!"

"Answer me, Ethan!"

"Yes, okay? I'd do it, if there was no other way, I would let it bloody kill me!"

"Of course you would! Goddamn it, Ethan! I can't accept that!"

"You can't accept me loving it, is that it?"

"There's a difference between loving it and dying for it! We don't even know if it's human!"

"Willow-"

"From her tests, yes, it seems that the child is human, but we don't bloody know that! It could be-"

"Rupert, for God's sake!"

"-a demon and it could bloody well kill you and you would let it!"

"Don't you understand anything?"

"Don't you get how this affects us? If this child kills you-"

"It's a f×cking  _baby!",_ yelled Ethan with tears in his eyes. "How can you talk about killing it, it's done nothing wrong!"

"It could kill you!"

"Small price to pay!"

"For God's sake! Get this through your bloody head, it could take you away-"

"Why aren't you listening to me?! It's a baby! It can't even bloody talk yet!", Ethan yelled. He glared and stomped out of the room. 

How he was reminded of soap opera couples. They seemed to spend half the time screaming at each other and the other half shagging and being dramatic. How could Spike stand the bloody stuff?

It was his baby, damn It. It should be his decision. The only bloody person who would unconditionally love him and they wanted to take it away. Kill it, just like Buffy killed demons and vampires on a nightly basis. God.

Ethan pushed the door to the bedroom open and sat on the bed. He heard the sounds of Rupert leaving.

He let his hand drop to the almost unnoticeable bump. The baby kicked.

"You're not a demon, are you?", he murmured. It kicked again. "Didn't think so. Your dad's a bit of a berk. Sorry about that."

Ethan sighed and laid down on the bed. His hand didn't move. "Sorry about the yelling. Tara said I'd be receptive to stress for a while and that would effect you. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable...I can't help it sometimes. Sometimes I want to smack your dad. I wouldn't, but I wish I could. He's such a moron sometimes."

The baby kicked in response, and he smiled. He was still upset, but he felt a little better. It looked like the hormones he'd been hearing so much about from Wesley were showing up. Oh glorious joy.

He rolled over, hugging his midsection. He wished, irrationally, that Rupert was here to hold him. God, he hated being alone. 

Another kick. He smiled. Well, not quite so alone. But enough. 

What was he going to do when Rupert got home? Apologize? Burst into tears and hope that garnered sympathy? 

Well, bursting into tears was probably something he'd do anyway, but he was not going to apologize. 

If it came right down to it, he would protect this child with everything he had. If he died during birth, as long as the baby was okay...

He didn't want to die. He certainly didn't want to leave Rupert. But he didn't want the baby to die either. This was his child, the only chance he was going to have at being a parent, and he had to keep it alive. It was a human life, you can't just throw that away. 

Ethan sniffed. "Why can't it ever be easy?"

*

"I feel horrible."

"Understandable.", said Wesley. "What was it about?"

"Stupid things. I wish he'd come home. Bollocks, why can't I just be reasonable for a solid period of time?"

"As one pregnant bloke to another (and I never thought I'd say that) I think it's normal. I regularly break down into tears on a daily basis."

"I still hate it. And before I called you, I spent fifteen minutes sobbing while throwing up every thing I've eaten today."

"Have I been  _there..."_

"So there's nothing I can do?"

"Not really. I would recommend sitting Rupert down and explaining your reasons behind wanting to save the baby-"

"I've tried that-"

"-and not shouting."

"Well, that would probably help", Ethan admitted. 

"And by the way: crying helps, especially if it's genuine."

"I hate crying."

"Trust me, it's worth it. If Rupert is anything like Gunn, he'll do everything he can to calm you down, including hug you for hours on end."

"I could go for hugs right now.", Ethan sighed.

"I would offer my services, but we're in separate cities."

"Stupid city. Oh, I think he's home. By."

*

Ethan sighed. He carefully walked down the stairs, biting his lip. He went down to the front room-

And saw somebody who decidedly wasn't Rupert.

For one, they were female. For another, they were in army gear and had a gun.

And for another, they grabbed him, held on tight and yelled to the kitchen "I have the target!"

"Er", was all he could manage.

A man came out of the kitchen smirking. "Well, well. Hello Bess."

Darrik Andersen. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very eager for feedback!


	36. Month Six/Month Four: Here To Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People aren't perfect.

This was hell.

Giles had come home from a relatively stressful meeting, ready to hug Ethan and apologize for being a dick.

The front door was open, and one of Ethan's slippers was lying in the doorway. A chair was turned over, scuff marks were on the floor...

He ran up the stairs, silently running the night he'd come home to see that Jenny was dead in his mind...

When he got there, nobody was in the bedroom. There was no sign of a struggle, and no sign of anything remotely bad happening up there.

Except that he was gone. And downstairs...

Giles called Buffy imediently. In later years he could only remember that the conversation was panicked and tearful. 

After the children got there, Spike actually hugged him. That was how much of a mess he was.

They spent the next hour trying to figure out where Ethan had been taken and who took him. After that hour, the phone rang, and he would remember that sentence forever.

"Has Rupert stopped being a berk?", asked Wesley's sympathetic voice on the other end.

Giles actually broke down into tears. He shoved the phone at Spike, who explained what happened. Presumably. He was busy collapsing onto the couch in hysterical sobs.

He was sure that Ethan was dead. Just like Jenny. God, what had he last said to him? It had all been just a stupid argument, just a bloody disagreement. If only he had been a decent human being and listened for eight minutes.

"Giles, calm down. We'll find him. It'll be okay."

He didn't even know who was holding him. He just collapsed and sobbed onto the shoulder of whoever it was, sure that he'd lost Ethan for the second and final time.

That had been less than a week ago, and it still hadn't gotten any better. He was running himself ragged trying to find Ethan, and even the L.A group was assisting in the search.

Buffy's first theory was that he'd kicked around some furniture and then stormed off. After three days of searching she concluded that yes, he probably had been kidnapped.

*

 The poor bastard.

The Watcher looked five times older than he was, working day and night to find his bloke. It was tearing him apart.

Willow had made Giles come clean about the circumstances surrounding Ethan's release from the Initiative...and they weren't good. Starting with, they didn't release him. He escaped by seducing one of the guards into his cell, slipping out and locking him in, and basically running for his bloody life. Simmilar in a lot of ways to how Spike got out.

Wankers. 

After he got out, he hijacked a military vehicle and drove the hell out of there. With an unknown baby in tow, apparently. 

"He told me they let him out on good behavior.", Buffy muttered.

Spike stepped forward and looked her in the eye. "Why would he tell you how a group of army wannabe wankers tortured and threw him up the duff for shits and giggles?"

That shut her up.

*

Angel squinted.

The door to their room was open, and Cordelia was sitting in the doorway, staring at him.

"Am I having a nightmare?", was his first thought, as he held on tighter to Lorne.

Cordelia stood up and walked to the bedside. "I wanted to make sure you hadn't been kidnapped."

He stared at her for a moment. "That's not going to happen. I promise."

He looked a bit harder, and saw that she looked exhausted. The usually stunning girl had dark circles under her eyes, and looked ready to drop.

"Cordy, go lay down. You need to sleep.", he whispered to her. She shook her head halfheartedly, but he stared her down. "Cordelia. You need to sleep."

She sighed, and climbed up onto the bed, slipped under the covers, wormed her way in between Lorne and Angel, and complied.

Well, it was better than nothing. Angel hugged his substitute child and fell asleep with his family around him.

*

 Lorne woke up to breasts pressed against him.

This rang red alarm bells at once. What the Hell had happened last night? Hallucinogenic drugs? A spell? He would  _never_ willingly cheat on Angel,  _ever-_

"Mmm."

That was Angel's voice.

On the other side of the bed.

What the...

Lorne saw Angel's face pop up and wince. "Hi."

"What. Happned."

"My daughter substitute snuck into bed with us."

"Your huh?"

"Cordelia."

"Oh. Compleatly platonic?"

"Of course, what kind of creep do you think you're dating?"

Lorne smiled, and actually looked at the person snuggling him. Cordelia. Thank god.

*

"Mmmhhm."

Buffy bit her lip as she heard the frustrated groan that Giles let out after another search failed. They were trying to track the location of the facility in Nevada, but so far, no luck.

"It's only been a week. Probably-"

"Buffy, while I appreciate your support, I really. Really. Don't want to talk right now."

He was wearing a carefully controlled expression, while obviously trying not to yell at her. She appreciated the effort. Being yelled at is never fun.

She could only imagine what he was going through. Having a fight with somebody you love is always awful, and to come him ready to apologize and find that they had been kidnapped? To probably be tortured and your baby killed? 

God, this was almost as bad as Ms Calander's death. 

 *

"Hey."

Spike grunted.

Geez.

How could he find that guy attractive? He was bleach-blond, arrogant, self absorbed, rude, and he killed people and drank their blood.

He also was helping them keep back evil, try to find and hopefully rescue a mother and child in danger, he was pretty funny, and once they all stopped being openly hostile towards him, he started being nicer, or at least neutral. He hadn't hidden his affection for Willow and Tara, at any rate, and while still contemptuous of Buffy, he was openly fond of Giles.

He was...also pretty goddamn good looking. 

Xander sat awkwardly beside Spike on the tombstone. "So."

"They find out anything else on where Ethan might be?"

"We're pretty certain they took him to Nevada. Just don't know the exact location. I think Giles is about ready to go hop in a plane and wander the desert looking for him. He's...pretty upset."

"Can't blame him. Losing the person you love is hard. Especially if you still got hope. Sometimes that makes it all the worse."

"Hey-"

"Don't be like that. Never said the bloke and little one wouldn't turn up. I'm saying that if Giles keeps runnin' himself ragged searching for him, he's gonna collapse."

"Buffy's been making him sleep and eat."

"Good. She gains an IQ point in my book."

"Why do you hate her so much?", Xander asked, turning towards him.

"For starters, she's a little rude. And she hates me. And she's got major anger issues."

"Nobody's perfect."

"Not saying they are. I'm saying that if Buffy had the chance, she'd smash my face in. Then stake me."

"I don't think so anymore."

"What's that?" Spike looked sideways at him.

"Buffy doesn't openly hate on you anymore. I think she's excepted that you're here to stay."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Really."

"Have you?"

Xander smiled a little. "A little. Maybe." Eyebrow went higher. "Yeah."

Spike sighed. "Xan-"

"I know."

And that was...that.

The two maybe-friends sat on a tombstone in the dark, silent and thinking, but enjoying a moment of peace, because it probably wouldn't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to balance fluff and angst. Did it work?


	37. Month Six/Month Four: Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan seeths. Angel convinces Lorne to get some sleep.

**Two Weeks Ago**

 

Ethan cursed and spat at the men as much as he could as they bodily dragged him to their truck. They bound him with steps and ropes, and although he technacly could use magic to escape, the risk to his baby was far too great.

So, he called them every name in the book, insulted their mothers (which he later felt guilty about, as that was uncalled for) made comparisons to their sexual organs and that of animals, particularly the kind that are dirty and smell putrid, and spat in their faces.

Because he knew exactly what they were going to do, and he resented the hell out of it.

The seat they shoved him into was small and bumpy, not to mention sticky (he didn't even want to know). Ethan helplessly watched the place he now thought of as home slip farther and farther away. 

The slight, reassuring kick in his belly brought the only comfort.

*

They brought him out to an airfield, as expected, and then put him on a plane. Obviously a military jet, and how sad was it that it was a branch of the damn military? Stupid Riley Finn. Stupid Derrik Andersen.

And to make things worse? Halfway through the flight, Derrick started talking to him.

The horrible thing was, the man was relatively handsome, and looked kind. Even his bloody voice was pleasant. If you excluded him telling Ethan about all the horrifying, nasty experiments he had conducted with demons and vampires. All the awful, excruciating pain they had expirienced, and how he had enjoyed their suffering. 

It terrified Ethan. Terrified him to no end.

He just wanted Rupert, so badly in that moment. If he were here, everything would be okay. It would be at least tolerable...

*

When they landed, they again dragged him into the base, which was underground. How original. 

In the dark, dank hole that was this place, he could already hear the screams of demons being "experimented" on. More like tortured to see how much they could take...

_"Say 'moo' Bessie", sneered one soldier. Another kick to his stomach made Ethan fall to the ground. "How do you like that, b!tch? Huh?" Ethan tried to get up, but simply collapsed again. He loathed the name Bessie now..._

He shuddered at the memory, as he was led down some stairs that he couldn't quite make out, because of how dark it was down here. They had electrical lighting deeper in, but here it was total submersion in darkness. Ethan idly wondered if that was for a phycological effect; the more terrified the subject, the happier it seemed to make Derrick. Whoever thought of putting him in charge was clearly disturbed. Then again, maybe he simply killed anyone who disagreed with him? He didn't seem to have an issue with beating vampires to death. 

The difference between them and Buffy, the big diffrence, was that they were sadists and she wasn't. She was protecting the world from evil, while they were experimenting on creatures with human thought process, fully capable of rational thought, and on rare occasion, such as with Spike, love. Buffy beat them up, yes. But she gave them a quick death. She didn't pull the wings off flies; she didn't gouge out vampire's eyes with sticks dipped in holy water. These creatures were evil. Most of them. But did they deserve all this...torture? This pain for the simple reason of finding out how they worked? The Council already knew most of demon biology. They  _knew_ how demons worked. This place...was really only created out of simple sadism.

Again, Buffy killed vampires, too. But she didn't make them drink their own blood, or beat them to death with a baseball bat, or electrocute them. Or implant a fetus inside a human male...

He didn't resent the baby. Far from it. As the wankers in soldier getup matched Ethan back to the familiar cell, he knew that this child was going to be his only comfort. And possibly, the only non-harmful human contact he was going to have for a while. But what he did resent was people f÷cking around with other people's bodies in a non-consensual way. It wasn't right, fair, or even worthwhile...

Ethan snapped back to reality when he was shoved into the cell. Damn it, this was the place most of his nightmares began. This tiny, cramped holding space was still nightmare fuel. 

He sat down, taking in a shuddery breath, and closed his eyes, trying to blank out the quiet snarls and various panicked noises of the demons in other cells. He hadn't seen a human here, in the time he had spent, except for the soldiers and scientists. Was he the only one? If so, why? They obviously had no problem experimenting on him, so why not kidnap some criminal and see how  _he_ was wired?

He answered his own question a moment later. Because they didn't think Ethan human. Maybe they  _did_ consider themselves above that kind of sadism, and this was their excuse. He could do magic, and magic didn't exist, therefor he wasn't human and they had to take him apart piece by piece to see how he worked. Near as he could figure it, anyway.

The baby kicked softly, and Ethan absently slipped a hand down to his midsection.

Would anybody come by to check in on him? If he went into labor, would they assist, or simply let him suffer?

Another question gave him a proverbial slap in the face.

Would they kill it?

*

"The subject is back and looks to be moderently healthy.", said Derrick to his superior. 

"Good. Have them take it to the lab and begin an ultrasound." the woman seemed only mildly interested, more focused on the brain patterns she was observing.  Derrick smirked, knowing that good 'ol Bess was going to be mighty uncomfortable in the days to come. 

As he walked to another room and took out his mircophone to give his lackeys their orders, he wondered briefly whether that 'Slayer' girl had any relation to this experiment.

*

**Present Day**

"Why today of all days?", grumbled Lorne. As an empath, he was pretty sensitive to people's emotions, and hated it when he came across negative ones.

Cordelia was in a foul mood. Why did she have to be on her period today...

She wasn't even talking, but just the raw anger, sadness and frustration she gave off was enough to give him a headache. Sometimes he hated being empathetic, because just standing in the room with somebody giving off strong emotions effected him. He wished that there was something he could do to make her feel better, but there wasn't because it was biological, and that in turn upset  _him_ because he wanted to help, and she was sitting there researching and feeling horrible, and it just all amounted to him getting a headache.

"You guys okay?"

They both looked up.

"Hey, Angel", smiled Cordelia. 

"You both look misirable, what happened?", Angel asked, looking at both of them in concern.

"PMS. I don't know what Lorne's deal is."

"Oh. Uh...are you okay?"

"Happnes every month. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine...you want to take a break...?"

"Sure, why not. I just...ugh." Cordelia lurched off, bumping into a wall.

"Woah, is she..."

"She's fine. I think", sighed Lorne. "I realize we're in a time crunch-"

"When aren't we."

"But I think she really needs a couple hours."

"Yeah", Angel agreed, staring after her.

Lorne sighed. Angel looked back at him, frowning. 

"Okay, what happened with you?"

"Just a headache, nothing."

"Lorne. Look at you. You're exhausted. All of you have been barely sleeping, up all night trying to find this guy, and you need to rest. Really."

"I'll be fine-"

"You've barely been calling anybody nicknames. Your eyes have lost that spark of happiness that I have never seen you lose compleatly. You and the rest of the team are barely functioning. Please, baby, just rest."

Lorne sighed and collapsed onto Angel. 

*

After Angel had called and told everybody to get some rest or else, he looked back at the bed where he had lain Lorne.

He finally looked peaceful, for the first time in a week. Thank God.

He had been sleeping just enough to keep him functional, as had everybody else. Angel knew that finding Ethan was the most important thing to Giles right now, and he understood, but he had to look after his family first. 

He climbed into bed with Lorne, needing to hold him as he hadn't in a while. As Angel finally drifted off with his boyfriend asleep in his arms, he resolved to always keep his family safe. This kidnapping thing had scared him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's thoughts reflect my opinion of the Initiative, and do not in any way reflect my opinion of either soldiers or scientists, which are both very honorable professions. This particular fictional place and establishment has always rubbed me the wrong way, so I apologize for ranting. I hope that didn't spoil the story for you.


	38. Month Six/Month Four: Shipping And Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan realizes that of course Giles will rescue him, Willow is concerned and Angel worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: ANGST and mentions of miscariages.

They wanted the baby.

If he'd hated them before, Ethan  _loathed_ the bastards now. How dare they knock him up, expect him to give birth, and then take it away?

It was clear now, that they wanted him in good health. They'd stopped all experiments and were doing weekly ultrasounds, and why would they go to all this trouble of making sure the baby was healthy? He'd wondered, for a while, and then the soldier who usually brought food said it to his face.

"You're gonna make a good incubator Bess", he'd called over his shoulder. Ethan puzzled over the sentence for a moment, and then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

Incubator.

They had created a testube fetus and implanted it inside him. For what reason, he had no idea, but from the sound of it, they were going to do this  _again._ What were they going to do with a child? It was a horrifying thought, that his baby was going to be raised  _here,_ instead of with all the comfort and loving atmosphere it would have had-

He felt so stupid.

It was a slim chance that he would be found. Very slim. But Rupert would look for him...right? He'd at least try. Ethan felt so stupid that he hadn't considered that. The panic and hormones had made him so miserable that it had been almost impossible to think about anything other than how much he  _hated_ it here.

But Rupert would look. Surely...? Yes. Ethan firmly told himself that this time, he simply  _had_ to believe. Not for himself...but for his baby. 

Said baby chose this moment to kick, as if agreeing. Ethan smiled.

"Sorry, little one. Can hardly focus on anything other than my misery right now. I'll try to do better. I know stress is bad for you. 

Your daddy will look for us, I know he will. He'll at least try. And hopefully, you'll meet him. I'd hate for you to be born here. Not a nice place to be. But we'll be able to go home, soon, I hope."

It was silly, but talking to the baby always helped. Ethan was glad that he wasn't alone, after all. He felt bad for not even thinking that Rupert would cone for him, but he'd been so full of panic and sadness...

He tried not to doubt. He tried to believe that Rupert would save him. Them.

After all, Ethan would rescue Rupert's sorry yet attractive arse in the same situation.

*

"So. What's the verdict?", asked Liz when they got home.

"Well, I'm still pregnant.", shrugged Wesley. "And the baby is healthy. She's growing fast."

"Is it bad that I'm more excited about this than Wesley is?", asked Angel.

"Mmm...I think most people are more excited about a baby than the parents usually are. It's because of the anxiety.", explained Lorne.

"There's just so many things that could still go wrong.", sighed Wes. "I am excited, really. But still, what if she's stillborn? Or what if I miscarry? God, I really want her to be okay. She's not even born yet and-"

"Yeah, that's probably the anxiety.", inturrupted Angel.

Lorne's face had fallen at the mention of anything going wrong, and at the word "miscarry" he turned away.

Angel knew the way Lorne acted when he was upset. He got very quiet, and usually very little could upset him. Was it just worry for Wesley's baby, or dislike of the idea in general?

Or did he have experience with-

"Okay! So, now that all that depressing stuff is done with, have you guys thought of a name yet?", asked Cordelia.

Saved by the seer...

Wesley looked oblivious to the fact that he'd upset anyone. Which Angel didn't blame him for. The guy was six months pregnant, exhausted, trying to track down a missing friend and all the while fearing for his baby's safety. And Lorne's cues were subtle.

Still. Angel couldn't help but feel protective of Lorne, even though he didn't know what was wrong. 

"We haven't really had a chance to think about it", began Gunn. "Isn't it too early for that?"

"You've only got four months left, cupcake", Lorne pointed out, looking like he was trying to just shake whatever it was off. "If you don't at least think about it now, then you're not going to have a lot of time."

*

Giles actually smiled when he got the monthly update from Cordelia. 

He was feeling pretty miserable most of the time, his only comfort trying to locate the bloody institution.

It was nice, hearing about somebody's life that wasn't horrible. He wasn't actively  _trying_ to shut the children out, but finding Ethan was his top priority right now. He just had to.

He couldn't help but see the irony in the situation. He'd sent Ethan there years ago, and was now trying his bloody hardest to get him out. Why he had thought it a good plan to send Ethan to a place that experimented on thinking creatures...

Ironically, he  _had_ still loved him, even if he hadn't remembered the night before. He'd felt a little jerk of the heart, watching Ethan be whisked away, but hadn't bothered to stop and think. 

He hoped to God that Ethan was okay. That the baby was okay. He did worry about the baby, and had felt affection for the small human growing inside his boyfriend. But if it came right down to it, Ethan came first. Giles wondered if that was selfish, but he knew that they could probably have another child. There would never be another Ethan. And now that he'd admitted that he loved Ethan, he wasn't willing to let him go.

*

Xander wondered if they were dating now.

Did this count as a date?

Him and Spike were sitting on a tombstone, yet again, looking at the stars. It was something Xander had always loved to do as a kid (stargazing...not sitting on tombstones) and even as an adult, he found it relaxing.

Imagine his surprise when he found Spike, sitting alone in a graveyard, doing just that. They'd been on patrol at the time, and it had become a common occorance to see Spike, but watching the stars...it seemed so...not-Spike-like. Wholesome. Or something.

Xander had come back later, to de-stress by looking up at the sky for a while, and Spike had still been there.

Ever since, it had just been something...unspoken. They hadn't talked about it, and they probably weren't going to. Xander came by pretty much every night to stargaze, and Spike was always there. Xander admitted to himself that  _maybe_ he took some comfort from Spike's presence, but that was as far as it went. No crushing on the undead. Already been down that road. Ended badly. Nope.

Of course, now that he could admit it had been a crush, he could facepalm and ask why he hadn't seen it coming. But it had been sad, okay? Getting all dewy eyed over the big, strong, mysterious cute guy and finding out that he was a vampire your friend had tongued...

Okay, yeah. It was a stupid high school crush. But still.

Oz had been a somewhat more mature crush. He had known that since he was with Willow, there was no way in Hades he and Oz were getting together, so sighing over the werewolf and dreaming about snuggling with-

Why hadn't he caught on to the whole gay thing sooner? It was so obvious.

*

"I think they'd be cute together", yawned Willow.

Buffy shook her head. "What is it with shippers and gay people? Why not Dean and Charlie?"

"Because, Buffy, the long silent stares! The way he once told Castiel to blow him! The expression on Cas' face afterwards! And not to mention, the writers  _know_ about it and have them say some of those things on purpose!"

"But why Dean and Castiel."

"Buffy, I just explained it to you."

"Never mind. I'm never going to understand your 'OTP'", she said, using air quotes. Willow groaned in frustration.

"Giles actually smiled today", she said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I noticed. I'm glad. I was beginning to think he was in perminant sad-panicky mode.", sighed Willow.

"Anya's been trying to cheer him up, but it hasn't been working. Ethan is so important to him. I mean, I get it. But it's hard to see him be this desperate."

"Yeah", agreed Willow. "You have to remember, love usually bites Giles in the butt. And loving Ethan already bit him there once."

"Love stinks."

"Only when it goes badly. Sometimes it can be very good.", defended Willow.

"Yeah, but love in this family usually doesn't."

*

Angel turned out the light when Lorne had settled back. Both of them were definitely stressed, but Angel was feeling peaceful now. 

Until he started wondering if he should ask about today.

Was it just uncomfortablness at the thought of a pregnancy not carrying to term? Or did Lorne have a personal experience with it? He hoped not. He really didn't want to ask. And he probably should just mind his own business, but he hated the thought of Lorne being unhappy.  He wished that letting it go would make it better, but he still needed to know, if only to help Lorne mourn.

Said demon snuggled into his arms and sighed.

He really didn't want to ruin the mood. Lorne needed to sleep.

In the end, Angel curled himself around Lorne and slept.


	39. Month Six/Month Four: Imprisonment And Uncomfortable Subjects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not too much happens in this chapter, you may want to skip it. 
> 
> Giles is having a hard time with his guilt and sadness over Ethan being gone, there is definitely something up with Lorne, and Cordy and Liz had a sort-of-fight.

Bloody hell!", Giles yelled after yet another false lead.

"Giles, maybe you should take a break."

"No."

"Giles, seriously. We'll-"

"Damn it, Buffy! I can't just sit around! He's been missing for-"

"I know. Just...calm down. We  _will_ find him. I promise."

It was scary, watching Giles get more and more desperate after each failed search. Almost as scary as it had been watching him fall apart, just after Ethan had been taken. Seeing her almost-father just collapse onto a very awkward looking Xander and  _cry_ scared the bejezus out of her. 

She reminded herself that it wasn't just Ethan, it was a baby, too. Somebody truely innocent. Buffy often forgot, as did a lot of them, that Ethan was pregnant at all. It was such a weird concept...

She shook the thought out of her head and sat down by Giles. "I promise, okay? We're gonna find him. I might not like him all that much, but he's family. And family comes first."

She was surprised when Giles turned and actually hugged her. 

"Thank you", he murmured. "That makes it a little easier."

"Glad to help.", she whispered back. "I know that you love him. And I know that you'll do anything to get him back. But promise me something, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise that you won't do anything stupid. No spells. Nothing dangerous. I want to find him too, but I'm not going to lose you. Promise?"

"I promise."

*

Gunn squinted.

"Why is this print so tiny? It's a computer."

"Can you read it?", asked Cordelia breezily.

"Yeah."

"Then don't complain."

"What is up with you lately?"

"Nothing you need to stick your nose in."

 "Jeez.", he muttered, going back to reading. He did worry about her, but if she was gonna be snarky...

"Me and Liz had a fight, okay?", she snapped suddenly.

Gunn looked up, and really looked at her. Cordelia had tear tracts on her face, her makeup was hurried, and she obviously hadn't slept the night before.

"What happened?"

"It's so stupid. I was tired and grouchy, and she was trying to find out what I knew about the missing Ethan thing...I told her a bit, but not much...she wanted to help, damn it. I should have just said I was tired, that I hadn't slept, and...I just..."

"I'm sorry", Gunn said softly. "You're both okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. It was just...no full voiced yelling. Just a stupid argument. She had no idea why I was so upset,  _I_ had no idea why I was so upset, and I took it out on her."

"Sounds like you just need to-"

"Kiss and make up. Yeah. I just want to give her some time...I feel horrible. She just had this bewildered look..."

"It's okay. It just sounds like you had a tiff, and Liz sounds fine..."

"Yeah. Thanks. I just...thanks."

Cordelia sighed and got up, taking her phone out as she went. She walked into the next room and Gunn heard her whisper "Liz?"

*

Ethan winced as the baby kicked, hard.

"You're going to be a strong little guy", he murmured. This pregnancy was taking a lot out of him...he was glad that there was somebody to talk to, otherwise he might have gone insane already. He had always hated being isolated, and this cell was the worst isolation by far. Nobody talked to him except to insult or belittle him. Out of all the comparisons, he wondered idly, why did it have to be a cow?

At least he had a place to sleep, if somewhat uncomfortable. Wasn't sleeping on a hard surface supposed to be bad when you were pregnant, though?

This place always felt so sterile, with the white walls, the cells, the chemical smells floating through the halls from the labs. And of course the doctors...if they could be called that. He hated it. 

Being alone gave him lots of time to ponder what the Hell they were going to do with a baby, though. They must want it for  _something..._ they wouldn't keep him relatively healthy out of common courtesy. Besides, they were the only people who could have knocked him up in the first place. 

The baby kicked again, perhaps irritated that he wasn't paying attention to it. He smiled and squeezed the place he knew his child rested gently.

"Sorry for all this", he murmured. "I know it's inconvenient. But we're going home...sometime. I hope. I could get away, I think, but I'm not going to risk you being hurt. If they could knock me up once, they could do it again, so if it comes right down to it, they might not spare you. Why am I telling you all this?", he ended, a little irritated with himself. Well, it wasn't like the baby would be able to understand him. But he didn't want to scare it, which was irrational, because it couldn't understand him. 

He was going around in circles again. 

Ethan was bloody tired. He just wanted to be  _home,_ to sleep and not worry, to be in Rupert's arms again. He knew all this stress wasn't good for the baby, but he couldn't help worrying about practically everything. Damn it all to hell.

*

"I think I found...something!", Willow yelled. Giles nearly tripped over himself in the hurry to get to her side.

"What?"

"It's a reference to...an experiment done on men to, ew, give them artificial wombs. Looks like they all died."

"Except one. Bess?", read Buffy, frowning. Her hair flopped in Giles' face, who tried to ignore it.

"That was a nickname they gave Ethan. Doesn't matter now. Did you find any evidence at all to where this took place?", he asked urgently.

"Somewhere in Nevada."

"Willow.  _Do you have a specific location?"_

"No. I-"

"Goddamnit! We have been looking for  _weeks,_ and have found  _nothing!_ We know it's in Nevada! I'm about ready to fly out there and start looking for him myself!"

"Giles-"

"No! This has gone on long enough! We  _need_ to  _find_ him already!", Giles yelled.

"The rest of the files are encrypted.", Willow said loudly. "It's gonna take a while to crack them."

Giles sank, collapsing onto the couch. "I just want him back", he whispered hoarsly.

"I know", said Willow. She turned in her seat. "Just a couple hours. Okay? I'll have at least something by then."

Giles nodded miserably.

*

Xander kicked a rock. "It's not fair."

"Life generally isn't."

"He's so depressed. It's horrible."

"I know."

"Stop that."

"Mm?"

"Being all...logical. Stop. Be comforting."

"Oh, you want me to comfort you now. Last I heard, I was just your roommate who doesn't understand."

"Ahn, I said you don't understand what it's like to be all crushy on a vampire."

"Still..."

"Okay, okay. But this whole thing seems so unfair to Giles. He thinks it's all his fault."

"It is."

 "Well, yeah, it sort of is. But still, I think they're both at fault. For the argument part at least." Xander sighed and turned on the hot water, getting a bottle of dishsoap and globbing some into the sink before plugging it. "Still...what kind of person would kidnap a pregnant...person."

"He's still a man, Xander."

"I know. It's just...damn it, I was getting used to him. The whole pregnant thing made him seem so much more vulnerable, and I guess that made it easier to get to know him. But now that he's gone-"

"It's okay to miss him, Xander."

"I don't  _miss_ him. I just...maybe I do. But still...what was my point?"

"How unfair life is."

"Right...uh, don't think that was entirely it."

*

Angel wanted to ask.

He could see it in the vampire's eyes. He wanted to comfort and reassure Lorne, he wanted to make it better in whatever way he could.

Except that he couldn't. It was always going to hurt, and it was never going to go away. Lorne did want to tell him some nights, just spill out everything that had happened and finally be able to cry about it all. But he couldn't, knew that he couldn't, because it was just too painful. He could hardly stand to think about it. And when he did, it was vague, and he skirted around it even in his thoughts. It was getting hard to even look at Wesley. He tried not to give it away, but it hurt to see the life growing inside of his friend knowing how close he had-

That was getting less vague. 

Lorne sighed, rolling over in bed. It wasn't that he didn't trust Angel to know about...that issue. Much the contrary, he was probably the only person Lorne would be able to tell. Maybe. But it was so...painful, so hard to think about...

Angel rolled over, slipping his arms around Lorne. "You okay, babe?", he whispered.

"I'm okay."

"I know when you're upset, you know. You can talk to me."

"I know. I just...can't."

Angel sighed. "That's okay. If and when you're ready, you can always just..."

"I know. Thanks."

"I love you.", Angel said softly against his neck. "I always will."

Lorne smiled, looking up. "I love you too. Thanks for being...patient."

They laid there for a while, eventually falling asleep snuggled together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this fic too cracky and/or dark? I tried to give it a balance, but can you tell me if it sucks?
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	40. Month Six/Month Four: Just Out Of Reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow cracks the encryption.

Red haze. Voices, distorted noises. A baby crying in the distance. Screaming people.

Blue...no, white. White. And somebody shouting.

"Lorne! Come on, wake up!"

Breathing. He needed to keep breathing. Breathing was good.

Lorne opened his eyes fully, wincing at the bright light. "Hmm?"

Angel hovering over him, looking scared. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I think so..."

"When I got up, you were still asleep. I wanted to give you an extra hour to rest, you haven't been sleeping much. When I came back in, it looked like you were having a nightmare." Angel straightened up and gave Lorne a concerned look. "Are you okay?", he repeated.

"Yeah. Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.", Lorne said, trying to get his breathing slowed down. "Just a dream."

"You can...you can talk to me about it. If it would help."

"Thanks, honey. I think I just need to...sit for a minute."

Angel chewed his lip, still giving him the concerned look. Damn. He was in worry-mode. Lorne was glad that Angel was concerned for his welfare, but when he got stuck in worry-mode he could get a bit...mother hen-esque.

"Really, I'm okay."

"I understand. It's just...you know that you  _can_ talk to me. Right?"

"I know."

*

Ethan was once again on a plane. 

He hated it. Heights weren't his favorite thing at the best of times, but four months into a pregnancy while depressed and scared...

They hadn't even told him where they were going. Just marched him out of the cell and back into the car, then to an airfield and onto the military jet. No sign that they were going to be leaving. They simply up and left.

For the life of him, he couldn't understand why, but up here he was more concerned with trying to hold down breakfast...not that that was anything new. 

Another wobble of the plane had Ethan groaning. The soldier beside him grimaced, though out of displeasure or simply because it was his natural expression, he wasn't sure. Nausea and him were close personal friends these days, unfortunatly, but it had been better when he was with Rupert. And if they  _were_ searching for him, them up and leaving like this was going to pit a serious dent in that plan.

Ethan shut his eyes, smiling when he felt that small, comforting kick. He didn't mind it keeping him up at night so much now; sleeping wasn't really something he was comfortable doing. He knew that they were watching. Besides, his dreams were just...weird, lately. Weirder than usual.

The plane dipped again, and Ethan stifled another groan. This was hell...

*

"Bloody hell", muttered Giles. 

He knew that it wasn't Willow's fault the encryptions had taken this long. Of course it wasn't...but he couldn't help being annoyed. The love of his life was on the line...

"I've almost got it!"

Exclamations like that had been prevalent for the past couple of days, but his hopes were always dashed. It seemed silly, from an objective point of veiw, that they were all waiting on this one file that  _might_ have Ethan's location (definitely, Willow assured them, but he was trying not to hope) but it was all he had known these past few weeks. He would keep searching for years, he knew, until he found him-

"Got it!", Willow yelled. Giles nearly had a heart attack.

He ran over to her, hardly daring to hope, but there it was. Ethan's complete file. All the information the Initiative had gathered on him. Oh, god...shock resistance? Healing? No time to dwel on that, unfortunately.

"Okay, uh...just like we thought, out in Nevada. We have the plane tickets-"

"Willow, as much as I appreciate your valient efforts, we need to move", Giles hissed as he put on his shoes and ran out the door.

*

The ride to the airport was excruciatingly slow, and going through airport security was numbingly awful.

Giles was literally bouncing, excitement and impatience all rolled together like a child on his first school day. Except for the life-or-death situation. 

 Xander was impatient, too. He had always hated airports, even though his experience was limited to visiting his Uncle two states away when he was five, and the baby shower. He was excited, kind of. He really had gotten attached to Ethan, and felt pretty useless these past few weeks. 

But now they'd found him! Lovers reunited, and stuff. Yay! 

He did worry, though. What if they'd hurt the baby, or even killed it? He tried not to dwel on those thoughts, but it was hard not to. 

The plane  _ride_ was even more boring and slow. He could see Giles gritting his teeth and trying to bear it, but he was twitching and breathing hard. The woman sitting next to Xander leaned over him and actually asked if he was having a panic attack.

Giles smiled tensely and said no, but the lady kept an eye on him, and looked wary. Which, he got. Giles was acting weird. How was she to know that he was on his way to rescue a loved one?

*

"Mmmph."

"Long day?", Liz asked.

Cordelia smiled. "Yeah. But guess what? They found Ethan."

"Really? That's great! How's he doing?"

"Willow called us from the airport, he's not home yet. But by now, they're probably on the plane back."

Liz smiled. "I'm glad. He seemed so nice, I hope he's okay."

"Yeah. I'm sure is. Poor Giles, he's really been running himself ragged looking. I'm sure everything's gonna work out."

The girls cuddled for a while, mostly relaxing in the comfortable silence, occasionally watching parts of the movie they'd put in. It was raining outside, a good night to be indoors with loved ones. After a few minutes, Cordelia looked back at Liz and found her asleep with her head on the arm of the couch. She smiled and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. Liz twitched her nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Was that twist too corny?


	41. Month Six/Month Four: Crisis and Kin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles isn't doing so good, the Initiative is doing increasingly creepy things, and Xander wants Spike, but isn't sure how to move forward. Or if he should move forward at all.

Spike stared at the space Xander had been sitting moments before.

Damn it.

He'd ruined it. He had been so close, and he'd just...ruined it.

*

**Earlier that week**

"I don't know what to do anymore", Giles sighed finally. "I need to find him. I will not stop looking. But I don't know how to keep going."

Buffy put a hand on his shoulder. "Giles, we  _will_ find Ethan. I know we will. He was obviously there, maybe they saw us coming."

"That might be my fault. I could have asked Wesley to help. It would have moved things along faster", Willow said, guilt on her face. She was such an expressive girl, so emotive. When she was sad, it seemed that the whole room grew sad with her. 

"It's not your fault, Willow", Giles assured her. "We've all been under a lot of pressure, and so has everybody else out in L.A. The lot of us have been running on hardly any sleep, and we haven't really been thinking clearly."

"Who are you and what did you do with Cranky Giles?", asked Xander.

"I'm simply too tired to be angry at anybody", Giles shrugged. "I half expect him to walk through the front door."

Buffy didn't understand for a moment. When she did, she felt guilty. She hasn't liked Ethan, though she'd gotten used to him. 

And here Giles was so obviously in love with the guy. He'd said it, she'd seen it, they had both expressed it. 

*

Wesley was going insane.

"If you don't shut up, I promise it will be  _very_ unpleasant." he glared at the demon in annoyance, who stopped growling for the moment. He turned back to Angel.

"I haven't seen this species before, and it is very likely that it has been genetically bred to be more naturally vicious. If I wasn't in such a vulnerable state-"

"I'll take care of it. Thanks, Wes. So, these people aren't just cutting demons up, they're breeding them now." Angel shook his head.

"Weirdos", Cordelia wrinkled her nose. "Who would do something like this? We have enough phyco killer demons around, thanks."

The demon in question was the size of a large dog, and looked very similar to a gremlin, which were usually a mildly peaceful race, as long as they weren't provoked. This one, however, had mauled a cow to death, almost killed a teenage boy (who was safe in the hospital now, if a little shaken up) and tried to eat a small dog belonging to an old lady. And of course, it was six times the usual size. 

"I don't even want to think about how they did that", muttered Wesley. This was disturbing for a number of reasons, one of which was that it had obviously escaped from wherever it had been bred. If they were right and the Initiative was behind it, they weren't the type to let demons out of their facility. 

"I don't know how to go about this", Angel sighed, picking up an axe, "so I'm just going to try decapitation."

Cordelia grabbed Wesley's arm and practically dragged him from the room. "I've seen worse", he protested.

"Yeah, well, a couple weeks ago that would have made you nauseous. Probably still would. I'm not in the mood to be on cleanup duty."

"Cordelia-"

"Wesley." she stared at him, glancing toward the now closed door. "You've been in contact with Ethan."

"No I haven't-"

"Not since he's been kidnapped, before that. Was he okay?" At his look, she admitted "Giles is back in panic mode."

"He was...tired. He felt bad about the argument."

"He was okay, though?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Giles was sort of okay for a few days after that last false alarm, but now...he's not doing good."

"You want me to talk to him", Wesley realized.

"Please? You're good at calming Angel down, if anybody can do it-"

"I wouldn't say good, but I'll try."

"Thank you."

*

"Giles?", Buffy asked cautiously. She perked into the room and saw him sitting down. Okay, that was something at least.

"What?", he asked in that voice he'd been using lately. He was tired, she knew, and frusterated. Anybody  _would_ be. 

"Somebody's on the phone.", Buffy said gently, hating that she had to walk on eggshells around him.

"Who."

 "Wesley."

Giles sighed. "Cordelia put him up to this."

"She just wants you to feel better. We all do."

"Buffy...thank you for trying to help, but all I need right now-"

"Giles." Buffy walked over and stood before him. "Ethan isn't here. We  _will_ find him. But right now, he's not here and you have people who are concerned about you. Do you see how this is affecting you? One day you're almost fine, Willow said it was shock, and the next you're depressed and spend all hours trying to find him. You're killing yourself."

"Buffy-"

"Giles, you said a few months ago that you and I are family. Well, family looks out for each other. You need to rest. That's why we couldn't find him sooner, remember? We were all so tired and couldn't think straight. Just...rest."

Giles sighed. "All right."

"Do you want to talk to Wes?"

"At this point, there's only one person I want to speak to. But thank you."

Buffy sighed as Giles went up the stairs. "Well, it's better than nothing."

*

"Shooting star." Xander pointed. Spike nodded.

"Comet, actually."

Xander looked sideways at him. "I always forget that you're smart."

"Educated. I think my smarts are lacking somewhat, what with my staying here."

"Hey."

"It's weird for me, too, pet. Used to hate this town. Still do, little bit."

"Then...why are you staying."

"You."

"Oh."

They sat in silence for a few moments. The nice thing about their maybe-friendship was that they could talk about anything. Even random, weird things and Spike wouldn't look at him like he was crazy.

And Xander still didn't know how he felt on the whole 'Spike loves me' thing. He'd been over it several times in his head. Ignoring the vampire aspect, here was this super hot, nice guy that he liked, who was apparently hopelessly in love with him.

What was he supposed to do with that?

They'd kissed a few times. It had been...great. Better than great. He wanted to do it again, preferably before doing naked things that he was in no way thinking about. But it was so  _weird._ Why, when everything had gone wrong before, should this go right now? And with  _Spike,_ of all people...

"What are you thinking?"

"Stuff", Xander sighed.

"Stuff."

"You."

"Ah."

Silence.

"Xan..."

"I know. I'm still trying to figure it out."

"Xan, come on. Can't we just-"

"Spike, I want to. Believe me. But I can't just jump in."

Spike sighed and wrapped his as around his legs. "We wouldn't have to. We would take it slow."

"Spike, I just think we need to wait."

"That's what I mean. Is there even an 'us' to wait for? What is this thing we have, Xander? I'm trying, I really am. But I need some clarification, here." Spike looked lost.

"I don't know...friendship?"

"Friendship."

"Yes?"

"We sit here every night or damn near, watch the stars, talk each other's bloody ears off, and I try my damndest to keep my hands off of you, try not to think about kissing you breathless, and that's  _friendship."_

"No?"

"Godamnit. Falling in love with the bloody Slayer would have been easier than this."

"Don't say that", Xander said quietly. "I'm-"

"Don't even try. Can't be sorry for telling the truth."

"Okay." Nice one, Harris. Accidentally put him in the friend zone, good job.

"Look. I'm probably gonna love you no matter what, but can I-"

"Sure." Bad idea to agree to an interrupted sentence. 

Stupid brain.

"That's a yes, right?"

"Um, yes."

Spike untangled his arms and legs, then leaned over and kissed Xander.

Shit.

He'd asked for consent, he'd made sure he  _had_ consent, would have taken no for an answer, Xander was so stupid, should have let him finish the damn sentence-

Spike's lips were soft, familiar. Xander could taste the blood he'd drank before coming out here, and that should have been gross, but somehow wasn't. Why was he participating? Kissing back? He must be insane.

Xander pulled away. "Spike-I can't. Ethan is still missing, Giles is going crazy, everything is just...I can't", he said, getting up.

"I'm sorry", he said, backing away and running for home.

*

Spike stared at the space Xander had been sitting moments before.

Damn it.

He'd ruined it. He had been so close, and he'd just...ruined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how short this one was...I am trying to be more, ah, mature with my writing, which is a laugh, since I am very immature.   
> Speaking of that.   
> (Feel free to skip this note if you do not like long winded rants)
> 
> This work is not meant to offend anybody. Including aromatic and/or asexual people. When I began this work I had no idea that these groups even existed, or that I might identify as one or both. In the chapter where Spike quotes Fran Bow, I want to explain that it is not romantic love he's talking about, but love for anything in this world, including oneself, family, even a cat. I am sorry if I indeed offended anybody, that was not the intention. Have a wonderful weekend.


	42. Month Six/Month Four: Denial And Dealings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan is having mood swings, Xander and Spike patch things up, and poor Lorne is not feeling well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DeNial isn't just a river in Egypt. Poor Lorne. Short, sorry guys.

Wesley sighed and rolled over. This was ridiculous.

They had much more important things to be worrying about. Where was Ethan, was he all right, why was a secret organization breeding viscous demons that killed people...

They certainly shouldn't be worrying about Wesley's weight. That was stupid. Besides, he looked fine.

Well, decent.

Oh, hell. This was the hormones. That was all. He wasn't overweight, and if he was, that wasn't his fault.

Well, technically it was. He was the one who had gone out and gotten himself knocked up...

He sighed. Staring at the ceiling, he wondered why his thoughts were so weird. Why he felt like this, so jumbled and high strung. Was it stress, or the hormones? Probably the later, and the stress wasn't helping, but still, there was that underlying paranoia that told him he was crazy.

Gunn snored softly beside him, their shoulders touching gently. He would feel so much better being held, but Wesley didn't want to wake him. 

The baby kicked, almost as if she disagreed. She did seem to settle down when Gunn was around, though that was absurd. Gunn wasn't her biological father, and even if he was, how would an unborn child sense that? Well, if she could recognize her mother's voice from the womb...

There were still times when he thought about how weird this all was. He was  _pregnant._ And he was male. Even if he hadn't been, it would still be weird and somewhat frightening. There were unexpected changes that went along with pregnancy, and while in women they were still frightening and strange, there was a sense of normalcy there. With him and Ethan, it was just scary.

That's probably why the two men had unexpectedly bonded, through simple phone calls. Despite the bad memories both had of their homeland, they did miss the country as a whole, and sometimes talking to another person who grew up in nearly the same place as he did sometimes helped to ease the homesickness. 

The baby once again kicked impatiently, and Wesley sighed quietly. Angel had warned him to slow down, Lorne had warned him to slow down, Gunn had outright told him to slow down, but he felt partially responsible for Ethan's disappearance. He knew that in actuality that was irrational, but he still couldn't help feeling that if he had done something, anything different, he could have saved him. Which was illogical, because Ethan wasn't dead (please let him not be dead). And he felt somewhat guilty that Giles was feeling so depressed, because despite getting over his hopeless crush on the man, he still cared for him. 

 Gunn sighed in his sleep, drawing Wesley out of his thoughts. He smiled a bit and gently took the man's hand.

The two of them were very physically affectionate, whether they were making up for lost time or if it was because Wesley was an emotional time bomb now, he didn't know. It was definitely nice, in any case.

*

Xander actually showed up.

Spike tried not to stare, but after a week of not seeing Xan at all, it was hard not to. 

"Uh", Xander tried to say. "We need to...you know. Talk."

Spike nodded. After Xander had practically ran away, he'd grown even more hope-deprived than he had been for months. It was almost a physical ache, not seeing the boy. "I'm sorry."

"Spike, don't. Just don't. I know you like being the bad guy, but seriously, this time you're just not. I could have at least let you finish a damn sentence."

"I shouldn't have kissed you, anyways. Should have made sure you knew what I was going for. Maybe I did it because I knew you wouldn't let me if you knew."

"Oh, shut up. You may be a bastard, but you're not that bad."

He  _felt_ that bad. 

"And I didn't mean to friend zone you. The truth is, I don't really know where this is going. I don't even know what it is. The only thing I know is that I genuinely like you, and that scares the shit out of me."

"Scares the shit outta me, too", Spike mumbled.

"And, okay, yeah, the kissing thing was out of bounds. Bad Spike. But that doesn't mean I suddenly don't like you."

"I'm sorry that I pushed things too far. I was frustrated, and I just wanted to know where we stood. That's not an excuse.", Spike sighed.

Xander turned to him and smiled. God, he'd missed that smile. "I know. And I know that your never hurt me. It's not in you."

"Right about that, at least. Can I ask where we stand?", Spike said uncertainly.

"Do we need a definition? When we're ready, we can either move forward or stay where we are. We've already confessed our undying love before the first date, I think we've broken most of the rules already."

Spike smiled. As long as Xander trusted him, it was going to be all right.

*

"I don't even know where we are", complained Ethan.

The guard standing outside said nothing.

"Can't you give me a hint? Please?"

Still nothing.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier. Kicking you in the nads was wrong. But if you touch my baby again, I'll kick harder. Don't care how well-versed you are in biology. It's my body.", Ethan went from almost-guilty to annoyed in seconds. God, these mood swings were vicious.

"Just want to know what country I'm in. Don't want to offend the natives. How  _did_ you get all those nasties packed up so soon? And shipped here?"

The guard finally turned to him, but only gave him an annoyed expression.

"Fine then, be like that.", Ethan muttered. Stupid guard. Stupid people who blindfolded him. They sure were fond of doing that. 

"At least nobody's called me Bessie yet.", he sighed to himself.

*

Lorne groaned, getting up and flushing the toilet. Was it something he'd eaten? He hadn't been drinking lately, it couldn't be that. He didn't feel sick, except for the nausea.

The last two days, he'd been throwing up in the morning. He felt like he should know why, but he hadn't had more than a couple drinks in the past week, certainly not enough to warrant a hangover. Besides, even if he was hungover, why didn't he have any sort of headache? 

Lorne finished cleaning up, then started down to the kitchen to make some breakfast. He kept wondering, if this was something he should tell somebody about, if he just had a stomach bug-

He stopped in the middle of the stairwell.  _No._ It couldn't be.

Nononononononono. No, no no. He was probably just sick, that was all. Yeah. Sick. He couldn't be...not again. They had been safe. They'd been careful. And besides, Angel was a  _vampire,_ and Lorne would never cheat. Never. So there, Lorne told his subconscious. 

He went down the rest of the way, went into the kitchen, starting the breakfast making process. He was  **not.** It couldn't happen.

So there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DeNial isn't just a river in Egypt. Poor Lorne.


	43. Month Seven/Month Six: Helping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorne is dealing with stuff. WARNING: Discussion of miscarriages and delicate subjects. Do not read if squeamish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so short, I've got stuff going on.

Lorne held the third almost offending object in his hand, staring at it blankly. It had that stupid little pink plus sign on it, and god, the flashbacks that thing brought...

Just why? Why  _him?_ Why  _now?_ And how the hell was this even possible anyway? Angel was a freaking vampire! Was Lorne especially susceptible or something?!

Actually, thinking back to some of his mother's comments ...that might be it.

Lorne groaned, banging his head on the wall. Why? The stupid thing had broken  _once._ Just one time! And that was somehow enough?Why did the world hate him so much? With what happened last time, it was only a matter of time before this one died too. And he'd be even more broken than before. 

*

"Hey, Gunn?", Cordelia asked, stepping into the lobby. "Where's Lorne?"

Gunn shrugged, quickly shutting the laptop he had been looking at. "He's been pretty tired lately, he might just be sleeping in. Guy deserves some rest."

Cordelia nodded slowly. Lorne had seemed depressed lately, not exhausted but genuinely upset. Angel had asked her not to say anything to him, but she was worried. On top of concern for her friend, this really wasn't the best time to be sad. 

She went up to his room anyhow. She was good with people, maybe she could at least calm him down. Lorne was always so calming, such a happy and steady presence that him being withdrawn and upset was affecting them all. 

When Cordelia got up to their room, however, she hesitated. Did she really want to mess with this? She wanted to help Lorne, but getting involved in what could be some heavy shit might not be the best idea right now.

She shook her head and opened the door. No, she was going to do this. Lorne was a friend, this was what friends did. 

When she stepped into the room, she stopped again. On her left, there was Angel and Lorne's bedroom. A faint sound was emitting from it, something that reminded her of high school for some reason. What was...

It hit her. She had heard this more than once, when she'd walked into the girl's bathroom in Sunnydale High. Sobbing, from behind a closed door. Was Lorne crying in the bathroom?

"Lorne? You okay?", she asked loudly.

"Fine"

"You don't sound fine, you sound like you're crying. What's going on?", she asked as she moved toward the bathroom.

"Nothing."

She tried the door, but it was locked. "Damn", she muttered. "Lorne, open the door."

"No."

"Okay. Fine, be like that", she muttered to herself. 

Gunn poked his head into the bedroom. "You find him?"

"Get Angel, Lorne's crying in the bathroom and the door's locked. Something's wrong.", she told him.

"But-"

"Go!", she yelled.

*

"Is Lorne okay?", asked Gunn hesitantly.

"He's been pretty down lately.", Angel answered cautiously. "Why?"

"Cordelia said that he's locked in the bathroom crying and he won't let her in. I think something's wrong."

Angel dropped the plates he was washing and ran upstairs. He paused halfway, turned around, and yelled  _"Which bathroom?!"_

"Upstairs..."

Angel ran the rest of the way up and ran into his room. Cordelia was sitting by the bathroom door talking quietly. She looked up, startled, when he tried to rip the door off it's hinges.

"Angel! Calm down!", she shrieked. 

" _I can't calm down there's something wrong with my Lorne!"_

"Angel!", she grabbed his arms and planted her hands on his shoulders once he let go. "I think you're scaring him.  _Calm down,_ and  _think like a rational adult."_

He tried to calm down.

Nope. Too much panic.

"Lorne?", he called carefully.

"Is everything okay out there?", said Lorne behind the door.

"Yeah, I'm just-"

"Gunn told him you were crying and he went into 'caveman must protect beloved' mode."

"Oh. I'm not sure whether that's flattering or not."

"See? You're all sad and not-happy-guy. Everybody's worried", Cordelia said gently.

"Did somebody hurt you?", asked Angel.

Pause. "No. Not exactly."

"Not exactly? Who did it?", asked Angel, already back in panicky mode.

"Technically, you did", said Lorne wryly. "I'm coming out. Don't squeeze me to death."

The door lock clicked, and the door creaked open. Lorne stepped out, his seemingly calm exterior at odds with the dried tears on his face. "See? I'm fine."

"You look like shit", said Gunn, who Angel hadn't heard come in.

"Yeah, well. What are you gonna do.", Lorne sighed. 

"That's not our Lorne. Tell me what happened so I can help you", Angel begged.

"Definitely not in front of a crowd. And we have to get back to finding-"

"Not until we deal with this", Cordelia said sternly.

"No", said Lorne desperately. "Please, I can't handle talking about this right now."

"Guys, I need you to leave.", Angel said, calmer now that he knew Lorne wasn't going to die. 

Cordelia nodded, knowing that tone. She took Gunn's arm and left, casting a worried glace at Lorne as she did so.

*

As soon as they left, Angel turned to Lorne. "We need to talk."

Lorne winced. "I can't."

"Baby, come on. You're obviously in pain. You're sad. You've been like this for a while, and I've tiptoed around you, trying not to set you off, but please, baby, please talk to me."

Lorne took a deep breath and sat on the bed. "Do you remember when the condom broke?"

"Yeah", Angel said slowly.

"Well, apparently that, uh...it..."

Angel came over and sat down next to him, pulling Lorne into his arms. "It's okay", he said softly.

"No it's not", Lorne whispered. Angel held him tighter. "I think I'm pregnant."

There was a pause. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I took three tests. I'm going to a hospital in a week for a blood test."

"Oh, Lorne.", Angel kissed his cheek. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know", he said honestly.

"How long ago was that, when-"

"A couple weeks. I'm not that far along."

Angel pressed his cheek against Lorne's. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know", he said honestly. 

"Do you want to...", Angel trailed off, but he knew what he intended.

"I don't think I can abort it. I...I don't want to deal with this, but I've always wanted a family. I don't think I can give that up."

"Lorne...I gather that there was a last time?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I was at two months when I escaped Pylea, and the stress of trying to adjust, and some of the things that happened...my body aborted it. Just like that. Kid never had a chance."

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"It's...well, it's not okay. Probably never will be. But thanks for caring."

"Of course I care", Angel murmured. "I love you."

"I think I'm going to need to hear that a lot, for a long time, just a heads up", Lorne sighed. "I love you, too."

"I wish I knew how to make you feel better, but I know I can't.", Angel sighed.

"This helps. Not a lot, but...it does."

*

 Angel shut the door, turning to Cordelia.

"Is he okay? What's wrong?", she demanded. Wesley blinked, holding a hand out to press against the wall.

"He's...not fine, but he's going to be. I don't think anybody should go in there right now, so just...go back to doing things."

Gunn crossed his arms. "What's going on?"

"Lorne is dealing with some shit. He's sleeping right now, I'm going to get some food and see if he's hungry when he wakes up. For now, just...leave him be.", Angel said firmly. Wesley nodded uneasily, looking nauseous. "Is  _he_ okay?", Angel asked.

"Cordelia woke him up, dragged him out of bed and made him walk up lots of stairs", Gunn said, glaring at her.

"He would want to know what's up with Lorne!"

"I do. But couldn't you simply tell me instead of waking me up when I had just fallen asleep? The migraine isn't a figment of my imagination.", Wesley said wearily.

"Wes, go back to bed. Stress isn't good for you in this condition. Gunn, help him. Cordelia, I know you want to help, but this is personal. Very personal. Just let me help him, okay? This is mental stuff, and he trusts me with it. It's delicate."

Cordelia nodded, as Gunn took Wesley's hand and started down the stairs.

"I just..."

"I know. Thank you for the concern."


	44. Month Seven/Month Six: Designation 265

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People worry.

Gunn smiled as he watched Wesley sleep, looking so...calm. Everybody was tense these days, and it was rare that they got a moment of peace when awake. The man beside him represented everything he loved and cherished. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if somebody took Wes away from him. 

Poor Giles. He didn't know the guy that well, but he knew from Cordelia's updates that he wasn't doing well. Consumed with finding Ethan, not taking care of himself properly, just concentrating wholeheartedly on finding the guy. Obsessed, even. 

What would he do in this situation, he found himself wondering. Wesley was the intellectual deep thinker of the two, not to say that Gunn didn't do that, just that he wasn't thinking about hypothetical situations constantly. But he couldn't help wonder what he would do if he were in the same situation as Giles.

Wesley meant...everything to him. And the fact that there was a kid involved now terrified him. He loved her already, he knew he did, but he couldn't help think that at the same time he might not be ready to be a dad. He couldn't imagine what Giles must be feeling. Having the love of your life and your kid torn out of your life, possibly dead, or being experimented on, something, and not knowing what was happening to them...that sounded terrifying. And to have the last interaction with said love be a fight about your kid...

He rolled over, wishing he could just turn off his thoughts for a while. But his mind kept spinning.

Wesley mumbled something incoherent, sighing and embracing him from behind. Gunn smiled and rolled over, pulling Wes into a hug. 

*

"Are you sure you'll be all right?", Angel asked worriedly. 

Lorne sighed. "I'm fine, honey. Trying to hack into an evil mad scientist database isn't going to kill me."

"I just think you should limit the...activity for a while. Keep your mind off of-"

"Angel. Sweetie, this will probably keep my mind off of it more than laying in bed would. Besides, we need all the help we can get."

"I just think-"

"Look.", Lorne sighed. "It was years ago. I may still be feeling the effects, yes, but it's not the end of the world."

 "I'm still trying not to mother hen you", Angel admitted nervously. "I don't want to pressure you too much, but I want to help."

Lorne shook his head and walked the short distance over to Angel. "Sweetheart, I get it. You want to protect me, you want to help, I understand. But there is really nothing you can do. This happened  _years_ ago. I'm still not...quite all right, but I promise, I'm not going to have a complete mental breakdown."

Angel fidgeted. "I know."

"So what are you so worried about?"

"I don't know!", Angel exclaimed in frustration. "I'm just worried about you. I can't help it, I just want you to be okay."

"Angel, I  _am_ okay!"

"I know! That's why it's so frustrating! I know that, I just can't believe it!"

Lorne pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Sweetie, I love you, but you're kind of frustrating yourself."

Angel sat down on the bed. "I know.", he mumbled. Lorne sat down beside him. 

"We'll be okay. I promise", he whispered. Angel slipped his arms around his boyfriend. 

"I hope so", he whispered against Lorne's neck.

*

Spike looked tense when Xander got to their spot. It felt nice, having a "spot", that he could think of as theirs. But Tense Spike usually meant it was about to get rough. Of course, he'd formed that opinion when Spike had been in the stage he referred to as 'rehab'.

Xander sat down as per usual, looking up at the stars. Spike relaxed a bit as he sat down, but still giving off a "Something you're not going to like is about to happen" vibe.

The vampire lit a cigarette causally, putting it in his mouth and inhaling. Xander made a face, letting out a soft "Yuck", but other than that made no objection.

"So. Hear that Anya's trying to set you up with somebody.", Spike said, obviously trying not to sound as tense as he was trying not to look.

"Jealous?", Xander asked, not goading him but asking it seriously.

"Yeah, little bit", Spike announced, almost looking awkward. Xander could see him out of the corner of his eye, fidgeting almost an unnoticeable amount.

"Well, we don't have time for dates right now, really, what with Giles' search for his beloved. Besides, I've got my hands full with you."

Spike smiled a bit, and Xander turned to look at him. "Not going through with it?"

"Nah", Xander sighed. "We're sort-of-kinda-dating, and I plan on sticking to that as long as you do."

Spike smiled again, looking down. "Well, I think of myself as a man who keeps his commitments."

"Besides, I've gotten fond of you, even though this is still really, really weird." Xander shrugged. He did like Spike, more than he'd expected when this... _thing_ had started. Guy had layers, which was...freaky, but not in a bad way. More in a "I didn't expect that", way. For a vampire who had killed two Slayers (and  _that_ was  _really_ uncomfortable to think about, wow) he was super insecure. Which Xander didn't mind, because he was, too.

There were alike in a lot of ways. Some of which Xander was uncomfortable thinking about, some of which he found...sweet. Which he must be sure to never let anybody know about.

When he felt a cold hand creep across the stone to hold his, he boldly took it, lacing their fingers together. And grinned, looking back up at the stars.

*

This was agony.

The room was already cramped, what with a urinal (thank god they at least gave him that) a tiny bed and Ethan. Now there was a vaguely human looking creature with big green eyes, scaly skin and twisted, painful looking legs. He couldn't help but feel pity for it, although the hulking thing took up most of the room and Ethan's mood swings took offense to this. 

Poor thing, though. It had been manhandled to the cell, and deemed, he gathered, defective. The blades on his arms looked like they'd been surgically implanted, and by the look of things, painfully.

Ethan was often crabby these days. He got the minimal amount of food needed to survive, he was taunted and sometimes even sexually threatened (though those threats hadn't been followed through on yet, thank God) he was tired and pregnant and he wanted Rupert.

He most certainly didn't like his current situation, but the poor...whatever-it-was, looked so forlorn that he decided to be friendly.

Besides, talking to the baby was all well and good, but it couldn't exactly respond. 

"Umm...hi", Ethan started awkwardly.

The creature look at him, staring in a startled sort of way.

"Uh...I don't know if you speak English, sorry about that. Or if you even understand me."

The creature shook his head, then nodded.

He was puzzled for a moment. Then he said "Oh...you can't speak it, but you can understand me?"

The creature nodded. Then hesitated for a moment, before opening his mouth.

He had no tongue.

"I see. Sorry about that. Rather personal question, you don't have to answer, but did they..." he made a slicing motion.

He shook his head, shrugging.

"Ah. Uh, I guess you're stuck here, huh? Rough, it's not much of a life down here."

His cellmate nodded before pointing upwards and shaking his head.

"You've never been on the surface?"

The creature shook his head sadly, pointing out of the cell and nodding.

"Oh...you were an experiment?"

He nodded.

"Ah. That's rough, I take it you were supposed to be one sort of soldier?"

He nodded, looking at the ground with an expression of resentment.

"I get that. I know it's not really the same thing, but I've got a kid that they created. Don't know what they want her for yet, though."

The creature (he needed a name) nodded, and Ethan got the feeling he was sympathetic. "Do you have a name, if you don't mind me asking?"

He held up two fingers, then six, then five.

"A designation, huh? Do you mind if I call you Gizmo?"

The c- _Gizmo_ smiled widely and shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please give me some thoughts on this. Is it too cheesy?


End file.
